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04/23/2012 08:12 AM

I give up....

wifemeg
 
Posts: 11
New Member

I've tried to work it out with my husband, and I'm just not worth the effort to keep fighting him over his pot use. I can't keep feeling like this, I'm just numb from hurt, and he doesn't give a shit, he taunts me and makes fun of me when I cry, calls me crazy and a bitch, and I believe him....
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04/23/2012 10:18 AM
sanyar
sanyar  
Posts: 25
New Member

It sounds like you have made a lot of effort to make things work and that you are at your wit's end. You sound really hurt, demoralized, and tired. Crying is a perfectly normal and understandble response to what you are going through. You must really wish that your husband would treat you with dignity and respect instead. What are your options?

04/23/2012 10:56 AM
wifemeg
 
Posts: 11
New Member

Leave, take my kids from their home, they're young and I know they will adapt, but it really kills me on all the things they will miss out on from coming from a "broken home" the relationship they will loose with their father. My family would help me out I'm sure, but I am so scared of being a single mom.

I could stay, continue down this path, but I am just numb, I feel myself being more and more depressed about this situation. Leaving just feels so selfish, to hurt my children and their father, as opposed to just hurting myself by staying.

At this point what my plan is, is to stay until May, when my son is done with soccer, and then move in with my parents. That should give me enough time to get my things from here, and maybe find a job down there. I am nauseous just thinking about all this. You know I told him about this group and he just laughed at me....


04/23/2012 11:50 AM
sanyar
sanyar  
Posts: 25
New Member

It sounds like you are beginning to come up with a plan to provide for your own (and your children's)emotional safety. Is that not "better" than staying in an abusive home being belittled and shamed on a regular basis? Sometimes we have to stand up and do what is right by ourselves to protect ourselves and others from further harm. You said it feels selfish to deprive your children of their father and him from you. Perhaps it is selfish in a positive way - having to do with securing self.

What are the most important priorities for you right now? To put up and shut up for the sake of some interaction (albeit abusive), or to embark on a new path that could lead to you building yourself up with self-respect and the sanctity of being safe from the abuse? Your motivation seems clear and understandable. Please take care of yourself.

It sounds like your husband is not caring for you now. Can you continue to live with that? Clearly this is a very important decision that cannot be made lightly. It will have a powerful impact if you choose to put it into action. There are free abuse hotlines you can call listed in the phone book or on the net for your area. It is a form of abuse that you are describing. You deserve better, and you can have better. Reach out for it.


04/23/2012 12:09 PM
sanyar
sanyar  
Posts: 25
New Member

Ultimately I do not truly know what solution is the best one for you because you will have to live with whatever you do or do not do. I have my own feelings which is to care about you and hope for whatever is the very best outcome here. Speaking with a trained professional may help you get some more clarity. Hotlines have people answering with various backgrounds and expertise more or less. Can you afford a therapist? I know it can take time to get in to see one but it may be helpful...

04/23/2012 05:29 PM
MaxPower90
MaxPower90  
Posts: 123
Member

I couldn't disagree with you more wifemeg you say what you are doing is selfish but I don't see it as that at all, I think your children deserve the best possible parental role models available. In your current situation with your husband defending his addiction to the point where he verbally abuses you and is unwilling to here your opinion I think that he is the one who has made the selfish decisions, I don't think thats a good role model for your children to be around especially if they are young because they could subconsciously pick up on his behavioural patterns. Also how can you be the best mom to your possible abilities when you have a constant struggle and/or guilt due to the verbal abuse of your spouse thats not fair to you and it's not fair to your children, there is no reason for you to believing that you are in fact inadequate in fact I see you as a strong woman because your making a decision that you know is right but that you also know will be very hard. More often than not meg the right thing to do and the hard thing to do is usually the same thing, what kind of a world would we live in if everyone made decisions based on what's easiest and what's most convenient. Some day when your children are old enough they will look back on your decision and acknowledge how much strength and courage it actually took in order to stand up for yourself, make a change in your life and do whats best for them by making yourself ultimately more happy. Post anytime Meg we are all here for you.

04/23/2012 06:16 PM
wifemeg
 
Posts: 11
New Member

Thank you Maxpower, I can already feel myself slipping back into this rut where I accept my life as is, and I really do want more. Thank you for reminding me that I might actually be able to have happiness again.

04/23/2012 07:13 PM
sanyar
sanyar  
Posts: 25
New Member

What I was trying to point out is that the decision of what to do is in Meg's hands and heart. It is not our decision to make for her. We care and have our opinions and I want her and the kids to be free of abuse too of course but she needs more support and insight. That's why I suggested the hotline and therapist. An online forum can help but it is not the same as having real human face to face contact with a trained helper. I do want whats best for you Meg. We are here for you.

04/24/2012 11:03 PM
takilra
takilra  
Posts: 480
Senior Member

Being a mother , I would do what was best for my child. Both of these memebers have right points and maybe not so right points. Only you can take what you want from each member and make it your own choice.

They were in agrement that WE are here for you. Keep in touch.

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