Regrettably, I have tried it with him on more than one occassion with his friends, thrice at the very most. And both times I have hated myself and was filled with regret no words can describe. He told me he'd quit but the very next day I found a text to his dealer asking for more stuff!!

Also, he has asked me not to associate with my male friends. I gladly complied, thinking he would give up smoking if I did that for him. Which of course, he has not. This isn't the first promise he has broken to me either. I don't know how much more of this I can take. Can someone please help?

My husband (usually a sweetheart, too) goes into a total rage when I try to talk to him about his pot addiction, and he tries to turn it all on me. He accuses me of neglecting our daughter (who I stay home with, so I don't get that at all), and says I need to get off his back, etc, etc. He gets really mean, to the point where I don't talk about it any more because I can't take the verbal abuse. But keeping quiet has taken away my confidence and feeling of equality in our marriage (handed over directly to Mistress Marijuana) and it is eating up our relationship. Anything I try to implement - like not smoking in the house - is just treated like a joke (until I told him that if I found any more pot in the house, there is going to be an ad in the paper for "Complete garage contents, $1000" that he wouldn't know about it until the garage is empty).

I just think there is so much in this world that is worth spending time and energy on - I am tired of listening to the "Defenders of Marijuana" (my extended in-law family is big on that issue). If my husband spent as much time/attention on our marriage as he does on his habit, we'd all be happier - guaranteed.

When I told my husband that I had joined this support group so that I wouldn't feel like the only person in the world dealing with this, he laughed at me.

It gets REAL old...

So, like you, he was high around my girls all of the time. The ultimatums didn't work. So I left. i never thought he would want the girls are much as he did. he had them 6 out of 14 nights. What is my protest of that if I can't talk about the pot?

So, jump to last Friday. He was high when he came to get the girls. I told him that he couldn't take them b/c he was impared. i didn't want to say more in front of the girls. He played the stupid route. "What do you mean" I said you know exactly what I mean.....no i don't. So I told him he was high. He's telling the girls to get in the van. i'm telling them to get in the house. 2 are in the van & I told him if he takes them I'm calling the police. So he proceeds to try to get the 3rd in the van. I call the police. Next thing I know all are in the house & he is gone like a bat out of hell.

So now I have 3 screaming & crying little girls. And, maybe I didn't the wrong thing, but I told them the truth. i told them that Daddy's drug problem is why I left him. Then one of my daughters said that she believes me and proceeded to tell me the times that she knows he has done it.

now I will not let him take them at all. That daughter confronted him on the phone about the pot use. Of course he denies everything.

I have gotten a new attn. i see her on Monday. This is very stressful. Their birthday is next week and with Christmas coming up. This is very hard. They miss their Daddy.

And, I don't know if I have enough evindence to convince the judge that my accusations are true. I could be put in jail for contempt of court for not following the parenting plan.

Julie

I finally had to see a psychologist to help me sort out what was going on with my husband. It was a great session, though more about insight into the motivations of an addict than about my reactions to him. You might want to do that, Julie, if only just once. And it might help you in court, too, if they see that you've gone for professional advice. I'd also challenge him to have a drug test - maybe even ongoing tests over a period of time.

The psychologist explained that an addicts mind works very differently (which I knew, but not to the degree she explained) and she went through some typical scenarios that were nearly verbatim of things that have gone on with my husband, kids and I. It was somehow reassuring that we are textbook examples, though I'm not sure what to do with that information.

One thing that stands out from my session with the psychologist, too, that has come up with my husband and I is the issue of Free Will. In an addict's mind, they are exercising their free will by smoking or whatever it is they "want to do". But their addiction has actually taken their free will away - it's just not the way their brain chooses to view it. My husband is very sensitive on this issue, because he thinks he can't possibly be influenced without his conscious consent.

My husband, too, thinks there is no problem with "smoking and driving" even though his attention is markedly absent when he's high. If I comment on anything, though (like the time he was cutting off a tour bus on a very busy street downtown, and I said, "Geez, let the bus in!!"), he is sideways ballistic and can ALWAYS find someone else to blame (in that case it was the bus driver's fault because my husband swore the bus' hazard lights were on, which was not the case). Nothing is ever his fault, and certainly not the result of smoking. And whenever something happens when he's high, he says that "accidents happen when people are perfectly sober, so what is the difference if a person is high?" Hmmm... I guess that is his vote to advocate drinking and driving, etc.

Anyway, the best I can say is "Good luck!" with the full plate you're dealing with. You and everyone else in this boat!

As far as your husband is concerrned, I hate to say this but I think it's about time for the ultimate ultimatum: either weed, or you, not both. Why? Because it's destroying your love for him, hypothetically, and it's making a whole lot of things kinda sh*tty. Now I'm not sure what your take on it is but that's just how I see it.

Pot is not a bad thing, the only reason it is bad is because society has labeled it as being bad. Pot actually does alot of help for alot of people.

Dont loose someone you love by trying to change them.

Wish you the best of luck on your journey.

ER