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09/01/2010 10:21 AM

He Cant Go One Day

AnaBell
AnaBell  
Posts: 54
Member

My boyfriend is addicted. I find this odd. How, really, can you be addicted to pot?? He WONT quit. Our friends comment on how he fiends for it when he's out. He didn't even smoke when we started dating. At least that I know of. Then at a party I did a little and he hasn't stopped since. I have tried to get his family involved, but he just lies and hides it better. I don't mind it in general, but everyday, all day is insane. He thinks of little else when he's home. Literally disappears for hours to get high. If I dont join him it is a fight and he will not leave me alone about it. He spends money we dont have on it. I really thought it was just him. Crazy, but slightly comforting, to know there are others. Any suggestions on how to explain to him that I'm not interested in doing it or in being with someone who wont quit?? I've tried just saying it, but I get a blank stare and handed another joint. Maybe someone here can help me understand him a little better, please??
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09/01/2010 12:52 PM
Spiderwoman
Spiderwoman  
Posts: 813
Member

Hi Ana,

I understand what you're going through and I'm sorry this is happening.

I smoked pot off and on since I was 15. I also became addicted to it in the more recent months. That's why I quit about two months ago - because I realized that I was addicted to it. I would basically just get high when I got home from work to relieve the stress, and also on the weekends. I didn't depend on it completely around the clock, but I realized that I was straight up abusing it.

Does your boyfriend understand and accept that you don't really smoke it or want to smoke it? Can you sit down and have a talk with him about it? Can you give him an ultimatum?

One thing I have learned about addicts [being one myself] is that the addiction quickly becomes the primary focus. The addict wants his/her drink, his/her pot, or his/her drugs. And that makes you second. I just got out of a bad relationship with a very severe alcoholic. I was with him for nine months, and I had finally had enough. HIs heart was dead and all he cared about was drinking. I had to leave him. His drinking was more important to him than anything else.

I'm not saying this is necessarily going on with your boyfriend, but if he is using that much and is addicted, it can become a problem in your relationship that won't just go away. I would try to sit him down, when he's not high, and tell him your feelings about this. Maybe he can seek help with NA. Or counseling. He has to be willing to make this contribution/change in your relationship for you two to move forward together.

Feel free to PM me any time if you need someone to talk to about this. I'd be happy to help in any way possible.

Post edited by: Spiderwoman, at: 09/01/2010 12:54 PM

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09/07/2010 07:20 AM
AnaBell
AnaBell  
Posts: 54
Member

Thank you. I have sat him down many times and told him that I don't want it in my life. He'll say he's going to quit and he has to smoke what he has left first. But as soon as it's gone he's trying to figure out how to get more. If he can claim it was free, which I doubt, he seems to think I won't care as much. I have never been addicted to anything so I know I don't understand. It's not that I am against it, I actually like it. I just see that he has such a problem with it. He spends money we don't have on it. Wastes so much time finding it and obsessing over it and then getting high. It's more that he seems to WANT to be addicted to it. I could tell him that he has a problem and needs counseling, but that will go about as well as it did when I asked him to go to anger management. A pot head with anger problems; sounds contradictory, huh? I should leave, but there are other issues. Yes, pot takes precedence over the kids and I, but so does everything and everyone else. I guess I'm trying to understand, but I just don't. I've heard that it's not a physical addiction, more psychological. Is this true?
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09/07/2010 12:54 PM
Spiderwoman
Spiderwoman  
Posts: 813
Member

Pot is both physically and mentally addictive. There is a myth floating around that pot is not addictive, but it is. I know first-hand. Your boyfriend is definitely addicted. If he doesn't stop, are you willing to continue to deal with his addiction?
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09/13/2010 10:22 AM
AnaBell
AnaBell  
Posts: 54
Member

No, I'm not. In fact this weekend we had a nice scare. The new security officer at our apartment complex could smell it when he rode by on his bike. He's a moron and didnt handle the situation very well. But he did radio dispach and 3 police officers came out. Thankfully my boyfriend has a silver tounge and is friends with the new neighbor who is a retired officer. I told him "no more" when they were gone. I will NOT risk my children. He cant keep it inside, not even in the laundry room. Not in his car since he takes the kids to school in the AM. He agreed, but I doubt it will last long.
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09/13/2010 11:39 AM
Spiderwoman
Spiderwoman  
Posts: 813
Member

I'm so sorry that that happened. What are you going to do about him?
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09/14/2010 06:41 AM
AnaBell
AnaBell  
Posts: 54
Member

LOL. I'm working on saving money to move. And keeping my fantastic sense of humor about life helps. I'm doing good about telling him I dont want to smoke; he's very controling and doesnt like to take no for an answer. He asked me last night to smoke and I inquired as to where he got it since we dont have the money. He said it was free, again. I asked him if the cops being called scared him about loosing the kids. He said "No, I wasnt worried about it. I knew they wouldn't do anything." I just keep myself busy with the kids and cleaning. I'm giving him till the end of the week to get rid of everything. After that if I find anything I'm just going to throw it away and say nothing. (Same thing I do with his porn!!)
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09/19/2010 02:41 PM
tekmanmike

Wow, Ive been following both of your posts today, and I'm not sure what to say that's not going to offend you two as you seem to be attached at the hip on this subject. A question(for both).

1. Does your partner have a mental (or physical) illness that he uses marijuana for?

I could write a manual about the benefits of marijuana- but I won't. I could also write a manual about the hazards of marijuana-but it would be a far shorter manual.

It seems that you both are still dabbling in consumption a bit while at the same time giving "ultimatums". This looks a bit hypocritical from where I'm sitting. Your comments are in public for all to see, so I don't feel bad adding my $.02.

Let me ask: If your husbands liked sinead O' conner and gave you the ultimatum to shave your heads to look like her (because everyone want's to look like her-right?), would you?

If the answer is yes, then fire away with the ultimatum.

If the answer is no, then maybe a step back and re-eval might be in order.

Relationships are all about give & take-sadly & typically more take than give.

Just to let you know, Im in a stable, loving pot filled relationship of almost twelve years-which is a personal record for this bipolar male.

If you give ultimatums you will almost certainly lose your man (or woman as the case may be). After all...

No one wants to shave their head.

Feel free to p.m.

W00t

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09/19/2010 10:19 PM
2ndtimearound
2ndtimearound  
Posts: 131
Member



Post edited by: 2ndtimearound, at: 10/18/2010 04:37 AM
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09/20/2010 07:39 AM
AnaBell
AnaBell  
Posts: 54
Member

tekmanmike: I don't get offended easily. Spiderwoman and I have quite a bit in common ATM (other than weed). It's been nice for me to talk to someone who, even if they're not going through exactly the same thing, can sympathize and give me a little encouragement.

No, my BF does not have any illnesses that he can claim to use MJ for as it actually makes his issues worse. From my POV anyways.

I don't think you have quite caught that I quit. I don't have a problem with weed. It's with my BF's inability to go a single day without being completely stoned. My children's lives are being affected by this. He is unable to watch them if I need to run to the store. It is quite a feat to take 3 children to the store to grab a few things when I should be able to leave them home with him. But he will be too stoned and won't pay attention to them. When I worked weekends, my daughters diaper would be unchanged form the morning before I left and none of them would have been fed. If he gets out of work before I do he will leave them at daycare to go home and get stoned. He eats all the food I have for their snacks. How can I be okay with not having food for my babies??

Again, I quit. And I didn't smoke very often to begin with as I have a strong sense of responsibility towards my children. Not that I think it causes everyone to not take care of their children, but it does so with my BF.

I don't quite understand your reference about shaving my head. Shaving my head would not alter my mood or abilities to be a good GF or mother. Smoking pot might. If I smoke too much as my BF does.

I'm giving an ultimatum because at this point I feel I can raise my children more efficiently without having to also take care of a grown ass man who wants to pretend he's still 16. So if I loose him, then so be it. If he wants to accept his share of responsibility in raising our children then it would be much appreciated. I am not about to have dead weight and added stress in my life if avoidable. I love my BF, but I love my children more.

2ndtimearound: I (since you also have missed this) have quit smoking. Just because I enjoy smoking doesn't mean I should be expected to put up with someone who can't handle their own smoking. He has a problem with it. It interferes with taking care of my children because he's too stoned to do anything. And he's spending money that could go to new clothes and diapers for them. I have quit making it easier for my BF to quit. Would you think it right for the spouse of an alcoholic to keep drinking and continue to have alcohol in the house just because they don't have a problem with it??

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