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01/24/2009 04:14 PM

could use some extra prayers

jaime1978
jaime1978  
Posts: 2399
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I so hate to even bring this up , I try to be the upbeat person here, try to be the one who gives the shoulder to cry on, try to be the one anyone can run to...but I have my moments of weakness too.

I hate this disease. I see what it does to people, to thier families, to thier friends, it's making me crazy.

I feel like it's tearing MY family apart. It's taking it's toll on my husband, as many of you already know. He's had to take over many of my responsibilities, I don't have the energy to do some of the housework I used to, and my pain levels are so high it's uncomprehendable to anyone whose never experienced it. I was told I'm in a rare 4% or so of lymies with such pain, I don't know if it's because of the coritisone shots in my spine, the activated viruses or what. It seems from docs I've talked to that most lyme pain is more like fibro pain, aches really, achey joints, not like this hideous never ending pain.

I know praying works. My best friend was/is going thru a horrible time right now and yesterday I prayed like I had never prayed before, I was driving home from my moms and I was just crying praying so hard. afterwards I called her and and asked if anyone in her family felt any different that I just prayed my heart out. SHe called me back later and said "you're not going to believe this, I checked the time of your message and about 2 minutes after that she recalled looking at the clock in her car, she hadn't heard my message, she was about to take a pain pill and decided she didn't really need it, she felt pretty good, when she got home, her son and hubby were both feeling really good too, they still hadn't heard my message!!! as soon as she listend to it she called and said "honey you really generated some power and lifted some stuff here" no they aren't instantly healed, but prayer certainly works.

I ask those of you who pray, and those of you who believe in energy work to send prayers and positive energy my way. For this burden to lift from me, I want to ENJOY my kids, they are my world, they are the only good thing that has ever happend to me and I can't enjoy them, it kills me. I want to be able sit on the floor and play with them. Pray for my husband to be more understanding. I understand this is HUGE on him, and I feel like a huge burden, but all I want is for him to lighten up. who cares if the house isn't perfect. just put your arm around me and tell me you love me (without expecting to get laid!) seems that's the only time he does that. lol. just some compassion. to stop with the comments that I'm on the computer all the time, that I better start getting paid for doing this so we can hire a housekeeper, etc. I'm just sick of being sick, and I NEED to be well!!!! I need God to take this from me. I could help people so much easier if I were well!

thank you all for listening....and no need to read into this, just having an off day, just exhausted from being sick all the time, just like all of you, sometimes we all need to vent.

love you all

jaime

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01/24/2009 04:49 PM
Julie4848

Jaime my dear friend:

I wish I could wrap my arms around you and hug you and pray with you..But know I am here for you and always will be.

Jaime, we can't always be strong, as much as we want to, sometimes we just can't, don't beat yourself over that...

I know its hard because you have small children at home, someday when they are old enough let them read your journel that will explain so much to them...They will know how much you love them...

Your husband I know its hard for him, but he has to understand, you don't want this kind of life, it was given to you, you did not ask for it...I know when there is an illness in a family it can tear them apart, but you are STRONG, and willing to fight for anything that is thrown your way and you will WIN this battle with lyme, your marriage might take some work, but I know you and your family will make it through this and hopefully one day when you are well and look back, you will know it was "god" making you a stronger person for whatever reason it may be...

I a here anytime you need me, just call, email, pm...We all need someone to listen to us and I will always listen...

Many hugs and many prayers coming your way!!!

Julie


01/24/2009 04:55 PM
synergyman
synergyman  
Posts: 156
Member

Jaime, I'm praying for you and your family...also I just want you to know we appreciate all your input on this board and thank you for being such a great supporter on this site.

For several years my husband complained about the chronic fatigue and pain. I thought I understood, but I have to say that I truly did not comprehend until I got the same symptoms. Unless a person actually has been through what you have been through, none of us truly know what you specifically feel. I can't even imagine the pain you are experiencing if you are in a small percentage of individuals with this type of pain.

We found that sugar makes a big difference in our pain levels. Have you noticed the impact sugar makes on your system?

Hang in there, we're pulling for you

Suzie


01/24/2009 04:57 PM
Julie4848

P.S. Jaime, god will take this from you, but I think you must learn to except what he has thrown at you, learn from it, (and I don't mean learn about lyme)....He wants you to learn something and only you can figure that one out...And you will...

I remember when I was so sick and just wanted to lay down and die...I woke up one morning, wiped my tears away, sat Jim down explained to him, I'm DONE, I'm DONE being SICK...Taking care of my mother takes all my strenght, efforts, love, will power, and to this day I belive because of me having lyme, I have learned that nothing that is thrown at me, I can't win...It may be hard getting there, but I will never stop trying to win the battle, never give up, and in the end, you will see, what a strong woman you are...


01/24/2009 07:50 PM
cmany
cmany  
Posts: 6931
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

Sending has commenced my dear...

Bunches of hugs...

Christine


01/24/2009 11:50 PM
fluffyluggage
fluffyluggage  
Posts: 4722
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Ah, Jaime,

Sweetie, I'm soooooo sorry you are feeling so poorly. Of course, you know that I will send you energy. I love you so much, just for who you are, and all you have done for me! You deserve better than this. Remember that I am here for you anytime!

Love and hugs,

jen Kissing


01/25/2009 12:08 AM
marley
 
Posts: 140
Member

Jaime:

Sending out positive vibes. Praying that you are sent a huge dose of comfort from the heavens. "Jaime don't worry 'bout a thing, 'cause everything little thing-gonna be all-right." (substituted Jaime for ZiggySmile

Wishing you the best


01/25/2009 05:03 AM
dharma79
dharma79  
Posts: 1180
VIP Member

Praying my butt off for you and your family, sweetie!

We know how hard it is...and we are with you, love!

Wink

I hope you wake with fresh eyes and a lighter heart...

Lots of hugs and warm, fond affection coming your way!


01/25/2009 05:33 AM
jaime1978
jaime1978  
Posts: 2399
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

wow look at all these responses. Thank you all so much. I guess I really just needed to vent. Sometimes the hideous pain gets to be too much, and the fatigue, the only way to describe is like i feel like I'm wearing a lead suit.

I know in my heart that I WILL get thru this. And I already know or think I do anyhow, what I'm supposed to learn....patience. lol. I'm not a very patient person, and having this in a way has made me more so. I have also been brought to God thru all this. Before I got sick, I was just like "yeah I believe in God" now I can't go a day without reading scripture or talking to Him, or listening to Joyce or something, feeding my soul basically. I think I need to learn to listen to Him more ... I'm reading "Battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Meyer....it's her #1 selling book, very interesting and so true, so much of our problems in our life are in our head, not that they don't exist, it's hard to explain, I don't want anyone to take it the wrong way. Yes our problems certainly exist, but we MUST put trust in God that HE will take care of it. worrying about yesteday or tomorrow steals today.

thank you all for your kind words and support. I truely appreciate it.

I think I'm at the point in my treatment where I cant tollerate the abx anymore, and going slowly on natural stuff, I should be doing much more, I'm just so tired of putting my body in more pain.

I also wonder too, after being sick for so long, and once we get well, how do you live?? It's almost like being a POW, we are stuck in these broken bodies, being torchured basically. I want to start researching POW's and see how they get back to a normal life after they are released . And please nobody get me wrong here, I'm not belittling POW's at all, my entire family is military and i have nothing but the highest respect for what they do, even if I don't agree with what our gov't does, the fact that these men and women put their lives on the line for us is such a selfless act.

thank you all again. I'm going to start today by saying "Something good will happen to me today" and I wish the same for all of you.

love

jaime


01/25/2009 05:53 AM
Julie4848

Something already "GOOD" did happen today..you woke up alive...Smile
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