I'm new to the group, so I thought I'd introduce myself. . .
I am a 21-year old college student, aspiring journalist, and athlete. I think I was bitten some time in the early spring, possibly, but I'm not sure because I never noticed a rash. That doesn't necessarily mean I didn't have one though--the apartment building I lived in at the time was er, not so nice--full of college students--and my roommates and I somehow picked up bedbugs. We did our best to get rid of them but our landlord refused to do anything so basically I got really good at ignoring any weird-looking bites, for the sake of my sanity.
So, I'm not sure when exactly it was, but I do remember getting sick, a few times and generally feeling very fatigued. I had flu-like symptoms that would linger for a few weeks and then dissappear, only to come back a week later. I play a spring sport, so I was training and competing as well as taking a full course load. My schedule has always been difficult to handle but I manage because I love everything that I do. More and more, however, it seemed impossible to keep up. I began falling behind in school, failing to turn in assignments. I have never had trouble actually doing my work, it was more likely for me to hand something in late or forget about something (I have ADHD and a learning disability, but until last spring I mantained a 3.6 GPA). All of a sudden, however, it was like the harder I tried, the less I got done. I would sit in front of a computer for hours, trying to write a paper, staying up for days at a time, and end up with no completed work to show for it.
On top of the mental fog, I was having serious sleeping problems, including really bad insomnia. When I did sleep, it was like I could sleep forever, and nothing could wake me. I would sleep for 12, even 15 hours a night. I slept through alarms, other people's attempts to wake me, even after taking doses of my prescribed adderall in an attempt to stay awake. When I did manage to drag myself out of bed, I felt as if I was never truly awake. My head always hurt, my vision was sometimes blurry.
About a week after season ended, in early May, I started experiencing really bad swelling, not just in my joints but all over my body. I remember it specifically because I wore heels one night to my team's awards banquet, and my feet swelled up so bad that I had to take my shoes off and go home barefoot because I couldn't get them back on.
The flu-like symptoms had already led me to visit my school's medical center twice, where I had been told that I had "a virus" or "stress". When the swelling started I went back. They took blood and urine samples but didn't find anything (i don't think they even tested for lyme) and once again told me that my problems were probably due to stress. I was advised to get more rest and reduce my sodium intake.
I ended up withdrawing from two of my courses and receiving a B in one and an incomplete in the other, which turned into an F because I didn't complete the course work by the end of June. In the meantime, I was also enrolled in two summer courses in an attempt to make up for my poor performance in the spring. I managed to scrape another B in one course, despite sleeping through every class session, and received another incomplete in the other class because, despite perfect attendance, keeping up with the reading and participating in class, I was unable to write the final paper. I remember feeling so frustrated, trying to write and just not being able to think.I've been a writer my whole life--its what I've always wanted to do--and suddenly I couldn't write. Words just wouldn't come. It may sound silly, but for a writer, "writer's block" is hell-the one thing I had always been able to count on or turn to in my life was suddenly gone. I felt like I had nothing-no hope, no chances, no help.
At this point I was an emotional wreck. I had gained weight, was having a hard time exercising because I often got out of breath and had chest pain, and was doing a lot of comfort eating, despite the fact that my stomach seemed to have completely turned against me. I cried at the drop of a hat and would often have breakdowns, usually while trying to do my schoolwork. I was depressed and felt completely helpless. I had also begun to withdraw socially--I was so tired and depressed that I preferred to stay in alone than go out with my friends. I felt out of place and awkward in social situations--not only was I self-conscious about the way I looked, but it was harder for me to hold a conversation than usual. I just wasn't as quick-thinking and really felt like I brought nothing to social gatherings. Also, it seemed like I suddenly had zero tolerance for alcohol, and when I did drink I experienced incredibly bad hangovers.
I had menstrual symptoms too, I remember them beginning while I was still in season. I thought I had endometriosis, because my mom has it and my symptoms seemed to fit. My cycle became irregular and I started having the worst pms of my life.
By the time I got home at the end of June, I was miserable and exhausted. I slept all the time, ate junk, and, for the most part, avoided my friends. Every few weeks I had flu-like symptoms--a sore throat, headache, low fever, and body aches. I kept attempting to get back into a normal routine of waking up early and working out regularly, but it was so hard. I kept experiencing chest pain while working out, and I often became so fatigued that I just got frustrated and stopped. If I did wake up early, I would inevitably fall asleep a few hours later and spend the rest of the day in bed.
I finally got a doctor's appointment in late July. I thank God that my doctor was smart enough to have me tested for lyme as well as other possible causes of the fatigue. I didn't hear back from her until a week and a half later--only ten days before I planned to return to school. At this point I was forcing myself to run every other day, despite how exhausted I was. I eventually had to stop because the pain and swelling in my knees and ankles was so severe. I was actually icing them when my doctor called.
I started on two weeks of amoxicillin. I felt better knowing there was a reason for everything I had been going through, and that at least I wasn't going insane, like I had thought. My symptoms didn't really improve but I made the most of it, resting, eating well, and taking the meds. I ended up driving back to school the night before classes started, and sat through 6 hours of traffic (on a normally 3-hour drive) with a fever, headache, and sore throat.
When I finished the amoxicillin, my doctor put me on doxy, which I am still taking. I have good days and bad days, sometimes I think I feel fine and then the next minute I'm sick again. It's hard because I look okay, and sometimes feel okay, so my friends and even teachers don't really understand why I can't go out with them and why I miss classes and practices. I am attempting to protest the F and incomplete grades I received because I believe my illness was responsible for my performance, and my record clearly shows that prior to getting sick I was a good student. I'm encountering a lot of resistance, however, especially from my advisor, the head of the honors program, who doesn't think I should be a part of the program anymore, despite 2 and a half years of hard work. It's really tough to fight them because I am still so sick most of the time. The last thing I want to do when I'm feeling miserable and sick and cloudy-headed is go try to defend myself to someone who thinks I'm just lazy.
This week, I've been having some bad chest pain and trouble breathing, as well as some really awful headaches. I found an infectious disease specialist near my school who I have an appointment with tomorrow. Hopefully I'll get better soon--I hate feeling like I'm missing out on my life, and all of the things I was really looking forward to in my senior year of college. I know I'm lucky, though, because I only had this for months, instead of years.
I just feel very alone...I'm away from my family, and no one here really understands what I'm going through. Even my roommate doesn't get that I'm actually really sick and not just making up excuses not to do things,and even I'm convinced its all in my head sometimes.
The truth is, I'm going crazy- I hate sitting around doing nothing, I miss seeing my friends, I hate having to miss classes, I feel horrible about the way I look, I miss playing sports, and I hate having to stay in every night on weekends. I also don't want to face the fact that I might not be able to finish this semester, but it may be the case if I don't get better soon. On top of it I'm in a lot of pain, and I'm still having a hard time getting my work done. My insomnia is still a problem, also, which makes it even harder to manage my schedule. I'm afraid to take adderrall because it seems to make my heart race even more, but I'm hopelessly disorganized without it.
Anyway, thats my story--I joined this group because I'm tired of feeling so alone, and I think that overcoming my depression will really help me get better. Also, if anyone has any advice, especially on dealing with school administrators, I'd really appreciate hearing it. Thanks for reading!
