Lyme Disease Support Group

I don't know where to begin... I first discovered I have Lyme after my 3rd child was born 4 1/2 years ago. I had Bell's Palsy 1 week after she was born. She was fine during my whole pregnancy but 3 weeks before her due date.. she became stressed. She was born only 3 weeks early but with problems of a preemie 6 weeks early and my placenta was deteriorating as if I held her in me for 4 weeks long then her due date. When the Bell's Palsy came, I went to the ER because I was visiting my daughter in the NICU. They tested me for Lymes and Herpes. They then gave me steroids because Lymes came back negative. After that.. it was all down hill. My primary then tested me for Lymes 3 weeks later and it was positive. He treated me with Dioxy, which made me very sick.. for 2-3 months.. I took the antibiotics but then stopped and began taking vitamins and watching my diet and stress level. I thought I was doing fine, I even moved in with my mother and divorced my husband. I thought everything was going better. I began working again after 5 years about 1 1/2 ago. And just recently I started feeling weird again. But now a days everyone has Lyme Disease, so its like crying wolf around here. If and when I say I have, I feel like no one really believes me. I am not going mentally crazy. My eyes go out of focus alot, I am either very tired or can't sleep. i have 3 girls, and I dont have feelings for them right now.. I know I care about them... everyone knows that.. but their hugs bother me. I have tremors and speech problems when I'm anxious. I've been on dioxy again now for 1 week and today I throw up. I know I have to take it with food but I am so depressed I don't want to eat. I am suicidal.... i have never been suicidal. My girls always came first. BUt now I want my husband back and I'm not really sure why. He is the only thing I think about. Last night to take away the pain of him not being with me, I began cutting myself.. and I can see continuing too cut myself to take away killing myself or feeling the pain of losing him. I don't want to call a suicidal hotline because I don't feel like they will understand my brain is going crazy from this Lyme Disease. I was on Prozac (made me worst) now I'm on XAnex and Zoloft. Nothing is working. I don't care about any thing or any one. HELP

sweetie, I am really worried about you. I think you definitly need to see a lyme literate doctor, mainstream docs are clueless on lyme. please pm me the state you are in and others you can travel to and I will get you a list.

you likely have bartonella as well , it can cause a lot of psych symptoms.

believe me I really understand where you are coming from. I've been there many times too. anytime I say anything to my hub he says he's going to put me into an institution, and what he doesn't understand is I just need his compassion and understanding and help thru this.

lyme can create so many symptoms both physical and mental. you may have to do other antibtiocs than just the doxy, to hit the right strain of what you have.

please pm me and we will get you help. and if you really feel like you are going to go thru with it, picture those little ones of yours...my dad killed himself when I was 9...I was messed up for years, I now know he likely also had lyme, and I have forgiven him for it, but I really went thru years of hell trying to deal with it. cutting, suicidal attempts myself, etc.

warmest regards

jaime

I have been where you are hun, it is a very dark scary place. I have 3 children myself and 2 years ago I was ready to end it all. I felt like a sinking ship that was taking everyone down with me. I was so sick and in so much pain, and being sent to a psychiatrist. I felt like my existence was useless and ruining everyone elses life and the pain was so so bad. your body is screaming for help and Jaime is right you need an llmd to sort things out for you. I can't believe I made it through that low point in my life but I am so grateful to whatever it was that got me through. I'm on my way to getting well now and I can't imagine how my kids would have ever fared without their mom and as bad as I felt everything was, they didn't even seem to realize that it was more than usual mommy stress. Your kids need you and your body needs help. See an llmd, let them help you, this disease is debilitating and none of this insanity is your fault. Feel free to PM me if you need anything. Hang in there hun, its worth it!

Christi

Sweetie...

I too have been where you are. After loosing my job right before my twins were born...I began a slow slide down...

Eventually I was in such a dark place - I was revolted if anyone touched me - but I didnt want to be alone...

It was 2.5 yrs of HELL. My home was so filthy it should have been condemned and the kids taken from me - I was lost...

I had to fight long and hard to get out of it. It can consume you. You have to remember to fight it. I too was a cutter...that is about control - controlling the pain that you are in...

Getting to an LLMD is one of the first things that you need to do.

You may also want to look into finding some one who practices Cognitive Behavioral Therapy - I unknowingly did it to myself to a major degree - and that is how I got out of the darkness...

This is a very dark and scary place to be - but I promise you there is a way out - you just have to find it...and fight for it...

If you need anything feel free to pm me anytime

Christine

Confused,

Please get to an LLMD and let them help you. Below is my story...

My brother, who was 38 yrs. old committed suicide the week before Christmas. He left his 7 yr. old because of this horrible disease. He left her home when she got home from school and drove to a park where she played ball. He hid in some undergrowth under a tree and sat down with his back against the tree. He shot himself in the head.

We searched for him ALL night and he was found the next morning. He died around 4 pm and he was there ALL night.

Not only will she grow up without her father, BUT now her mother is not allowing us any contact with her. She is growing up without her father's family.

We will be going to court to see about grandparent's rights and they say that we may be able to get her ONE weekend a month. My parents are divorced and remarried. So that means if they get visitation my mom will have her ONE day a month and my dad will have her ONE day a month.

She isn't even allowed to go to family reunions or birthday parties.

Please don't do this to your children. They need you more than you will ever know. The pain associated with suicide is the worst I have ever felt. It's been 6 months and it still seems like yesterday.

I have hurt myself twice in the past month. Not anything that would kill me, but just hurt me. I called our Crisis Intervention Hotline for help. I told my LLMD this Wed. when I went and he changed some meds around and added more.

My LLMD asked my b/f if he thought I needed to see a psychiatrist. If I'm not better next month when I go back, I will start seeing one, because I can't imagine my girls without a mom.

If you need to talk, PLEASE let me know!! We all can help you through this difficult time. Not only do I have to live without my brother. I live with lyme, babs, bart, and HHV6. I found out in Jan. that I had this too. In Feb., my children were tested and they both have it also. I gave it to them when pregnant. That made me want to die, but I can't do that to them. My mom also found out in Feb. that she has it in her blood.

Life is hard for us at times, but as I have been told many many times.

If God brings you to it....he will bring you through it. Just remember that you have your family and many people in this support group who can help you.

Sheila

I'm sorry your going through this. We are all here for you.

I know it has been a while since I have been on and responded.. I want to thank you all for Supporting me through that difficult time... Your support has helped me tremendously... I am ok as of now.. not perfect but I don't think I will ever again know what that feels like.. But I am doing well.. thank you again...

Hi confused.Im ten years into this crap.I also have been suicidal and on the edge of insanity and have come and gone through dozens of other symptoms.I'll keep this short as I could go on for hours, make that days.I really just want to say, for what it's worth,I,WE,are here with you. You are so not alone!This is a lonely G-d D-----d disease.(please pardon my french).I,WE,so know how you feel,and more...Hang in there(yeah I know.Thanks an effing lot)Consider this disease as running with weights on(tons of weights).What doesn't kill you makes you stronger(Yeah I know.Thanks an effing-gain)And you must determine it so-that you WILL get stronger.I know it's easy for me to say.But remember, I've been lifting these heavy weights for ten years now so I'm speaking from experience!Dozens of mind boggling symptoms worth!Go to the book store or library(I'm too weak to any longer)and get a couple of(I've read hundreds)self help books(check out eastern philosophy section too.Lama Surya Das is a wonderful writer/thinker).Oops I said I would keep this short so, bye.