~~~Hello AlostSoul,
~~~Yes, even "normal" people have thoughts they don't want. And many of us with Lyme Complex, including me, have had thoughts of suicide.
~~~No one without this disease can imagine how much pain and suffering these microscopic organisms can cause. Those of us with it KNOW.
~~~To explain to someone who has not tasted chocolate, how it tastes, is impossible.
~~~The ONLY way to know it is to experience it. I am deeply saddened for those who have not experienced this chocolate covered miracle.
~~~I am also saddened by those who have not experienced the miracle of suffering.
~~~Yes, you heard me right. I just said that. Sounds crazy, huh?
~~~Don't squander this amazingly beyond words challenging "Bless-ed Curse".
~~~If you have not YET discovered this truth, you have some work to do.
~~~When you do, you will have found your AlostSoul.
~~~Here is one of my past posts, one of my diary entries …
``````` Getting Better Before Getting Better ```````
``` by Mitchell ```
~~~Why me?
~~~Why not?
~~~This mysterious seemingly unanswerable question "why or why not me?" may be somewhat superfluous. This fact remains-something has happened for some seemingly unexplained reason, or purely by chance. So the question I ask is "now that this HAS happened, what do I do with it?"
~~~First, let me say I know this is a controversial subject. Some will agree and some will not. Some will not even come to this site in fear or "knowledge" that simply coming here is giving permission to allow this disease to inhabit them.
~~~Making willful choices is our willful choice. Free will. Some would even argue this. Do we really have free will and is it always useful or correct or even really possible?
~~~I "choose" to look at it from only my point of view. I can't know yours.
~~~Perhaps a free will is not all it is cracked up to be. I mean how do we know that our free choices are the best choices just because they are free and ours to make and "I" made them? And who am I? The final authority?
~~~How do we know that by choosing to turn our back on something may be turning our back on a good thing?
~~~I understand that as humans we would like our lives to be pain free. Free from difficulty. Free from suffering. Happy and full of joy. Is this a dream or a reality? Is this even possible? Just what is the recipe?
"Hi Mitchell,
"Just wanted to send you a quick message to say thank you for keeping an eye on me and helping me to snap out of it. I'm still feeling like crap, and I'm still worried as all hell, but I'm back to being determined to get better, rather than wanting to give up.
"I'm in a lot of pain this week. Still getting the sharp pains in my chest, but it's not as bad as yesterday, and I just don't want to go to the ER and have them stress me out more and tell me nothing I don't already know.
"So, unless I get worse, I'm just going to stick it out and see what happens. I figure if it's getting better, it's getting better, right?
"I sincerely appreciate your presence here. It means a lot to me to have the support and just to know someone else understands what I'm going through.
"How are YOU doing these days?
Big hugs,
Dancingwinde"
~~~Thank you Dancingwinde,
~~~I know how badly you want to get better. Me too. And I know how important it is to be positive so please don't take what I am about to say as a negative but rather a different look at reality to perhaps better help you cope.
~~~I have been dealing with this Dis-ease for eleven (update, twelve) years now. My latest experiments are with MMS, for a year now, and in alternating days, frequencies, amounts, and combinations, teasel, samento, venus fly trap, banderol,
~~~smilax, Japanese knotweed/resveratrol, andrographis, (Buhner's Herbs from his book" Healing Lyme")
~~~olive leaf extract, grapefruit seed extract, bromelain, systemic enzymes such as nattokinase, and witched to lumbrokinase, vits, mins, supps, baking soda, and of course as always a superior diet and proper rest. And for several months now 100mg a day or every 2nd, 3rd, or 4th day of minocycline.
~~~However, (update) now, including MMS at five drops properly prepared several times a day and also ten drops properly prepared and administered through my skin and directly into my bloodstream with DMSO, Google it.
~~~I am doing Minocycline, Azithromycin, and Rifampin every day. Rocephin IM, (breaking), Atomidine (hoping to replace Armour Thyroid), HBOT (hyperbaric oxygen treatments, 75 dives and taking a break), Myers Cocktail IV plus glutathione (vits, mins, + glutathione) twice a week for several months(breaking), Byron White's A-Bart and A-L (pulsing and ramping up), vitamins, minerals and supplements, coloidal silver, meditation, prayer post thread, yada yada ...
~~~And “thinking,” and "not thinking."
~~~My exercise consists of getting out of bed and going up and down the steps once a day or every other day (not any more) as sometimes I sleep downstairs (always now) as I am too weak to get back upstairs, and (anything and everything) with EXTREME difficulty. I pee in a bottle, get wheelchaired to that other room to do the other and have someone pull my drawers up and buckle them for me. In disbelief, I laugh every time.
~~~And when I am (was) very fortunate I make it into my business (which I love) several times a month. (I am now completely house bound). I can't shop, do chores, laundry, change my bed or clothes, or take showers (only sponge bathes). Luckily I can feed myself but with difficulty (and only when my meals are prepared for me). My daughter washes and cuts my hair, soakes my feet in hot water, baking soda and Epsom salt, and changes my clothes. I laugh at this too.
~~~I tell you these things not to elicit sympathy but to express the reality of my situation. In reality I am tickled to do even the little things (not many) I can manage.
~~~I am happy not to be (permanently) completely paralyzed (although often I do experience temporary paralysis). That is the bright side to my situation.
~~~Of course if I were completely paralyzed (and now, often, not too far from it), as I experienced recently with my appendicitis and appendectomy, and several months ago when I rolled out of bed and onto the floor and paralyzed, peed myself (more than once now!), I would have to find the bright side there too. As the Monty Python song goes "always look at the bright side of life," (whistle it).
~~~Update - Now I spend 24/7/365 sitting, and sleeping sitting, on my kitchen short couch (and now have graduated to an electric recliner) as I cannot lie down as I am too weak to rise from that position to pee in my bottle or anything else I need to do sitting, except when I am occasionally wheel chaired to medical centers.
~~~So here goes. When you experience a moment when you think you have made a turnaround towards healing, only get cautiously optimistic or cautiously excited. With this disease there are many calms before a storm.
~~~In the calm we allow ourselves to think "finally a turnaround" only to be disappointed by the next storm. Perhaps one day there will be "the" turnaround. Meanwhile ...
~~~There are many who will view this as negative thinking. My response to them is "try this." They have not been faced with a "negative" chronic persistent reality that will not go away with "proper" thinking and therefore think they have a "proper" hold on reality. I wonder. I do not know. I only know MY situation.
~~~However, my position is that I am learning priceless lessons about life, in my present reality, with this dis-ease, that otherwise I may not have. This is a gift to me. A very difficult gift. I except, (often kicking and screaming, metaphorically speaking of course, I'm too weak to actually kick and scream! Would if I could!)
~~~Now, you may not remain with this "challenge" as long as some. I hope this will be true. And you may be dealing with this for a very long time. Only time will tell.
~~~In the meantime, I feel it is of vital importance to learn whatever lessons that this challenge will provide. To see this dis-ease as a Positive Negative. But you must be willing to "see" through this deep fog. To Get Better Before Getting Better.
~~~Acceptance is one valuable lesson. Acceptance of things we cannot change. But out of this acceptance there will be lilies that bloom from this fertile poo. Jewels. This is the positive side of this dark reality. The gift of dis-ease. This Bless-ed Curse. The gift of suffering.
~~~"Simply" open your "third eye," and see.
~~~So, those who only see the negative in my predicament fail to see the new Jewels. The blessing in this curse. I wonder who is the negative thinker? No judgment here. I do not know. I only know of my personal experience.
~~~I have grown, evolved, expanded, contracted, gained some wisdom. I am grateful. Here I have found some joy within this "pit of despair."
~~~So as your "Tea Kettle" (your challenges, and another story) whistles for you, don't get discouraged, get to work. Expand, contract, evolve, grow your lilies out of this swamp. This very difficult, Golden Swamp. (I have read over a hundred books from the "Masters", pondered the universe, and my naval, meditated, prayed - just in case "anything" is listening.
~~~Perhaps this is what is meant by, some have said, "You are perfect as you are, life is perfect as it is, and you could use a little improvement."
~~~So, when the Kettle Whistles, get busy.
```````~~~From my straight jacket~~~out on a limb~~~lookin like a cocoon~~~hangin by a Golden Thread~~~waitin for a butterfly~~~under the moon~~~laughin at life from this "pit of despair", Lovey Dovey,Mitchell~~~
