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06/12/2011 12:57 AM

Dating with Lyme

Piccoli
Posts: 46
Member

This has been a nightmare for me. I'm not the kind of person that likes sharing private details of my dating life, but I've come to a breaking point I guess..

And I'm sorry if this just looks like a rant, but I don't know where else to say any of this.

So as most of us know, dating can take a lot of energy and effort in order to find someone worth seeing. But with little to no energy on a daily basis, how am I supposed to be able to do this, when it's a struggle just to force myself to hop in the shower each day?

I struggle just to maintain the few social outings with the few friendships that I currently have, so I barely get any opportunities to meet new people that I could potentially date. I've tried online dating but that isn't any easier.

You still have to eventually meet the person face to face and go out a few times to see if you like one another, but again, this takes a lot of effort, for me.

I've told people that I have dated that I have Lyme, because it's something that's important to know about me, and they are out the door before I can finish saying "disease".

I've learned to not just tell people right off the bat that I have Lyme and to wait until the timing is more appropriate, but the results are always the same.

I actually found out at one point that a friend that was going to help set me up didn't think any of the women would like me, because I have Lyme. Crushing.

I've lived with Lyme for a majority of my life, and of course it's a lonely disease. I'm not going to deny I am lonely, but I also don't just want to give up on trying to find someone either.

I've been isolated because of Lyme, from my family, friends, the world, but I still know that everything in my body is telling me that I need to become connected deeply with someone, at some point.

I see people on here and other Lyme message boards married and I think to myself "how in the hell did they manage?" with all my experiences with this topic.

So I don't know, I feel stuck. Any advice or personal experiences on this would be great.

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06/12/2011 01:16 AM
Bettyg
 
Posts: 32202
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

hi picc Wink

i was sick from age 21 to now; 41.5 yrs. i hadn't planned on being married; he came along at the right time in my life when i was NOT LOOKING!

he has never known me well!! he took our marriage vows very serious .. for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for RICHER OR POORER!!

i have been truly blessed.

now online, i've met 3-4 couples both with lyme/co-infections who got together and making a happy life with each other the last i heard; so that is a possibility ... you'd get acceptance; SUPPORT; someone walking in your shoes, etc.

anyway, just wanted to add my quick 4 cents due to inflation.

i see you are from minn; are you on any online minn. support groups? just a thought.

life is way TOO LONELY without someone sharing your thoughts, feelings, the good and bad times, etc.

my best to you picc and prayers for better health and someone SPECIAL in your life.

hugs, bettyg, iowa leader Wink Cool


06/12/2011 01:41 PM
Piccoli
Posts: 46
Member

Thanks Betty,

I'm not in any Minnesota online support groups, I didn't even know they existed. I sometimes go to the St. Louis Park Lyme support group, but that's about it.


06/12/2011 05:26 PM
singfreebird

It's alllll about the person. When I was in the dating scene a couple years ago, I would disclose the Lyme thing about two/three months in. I distinctly remember two guys breaking up with me shortly after that- whether it be the Lyme admission or just my personality, far be it from me to judge. Wink

There did come a point when I gave up. I was nearing the beginning of a not-feeling-good-time (every other year or so I would be laid up for 6-10 months, everything else was livable), I said "Screw it, I'll just be celibate!" I literally screamed it from a rooftop. Within the next week I met my now-fiance.

Things have a funny way of working out.

The most interesting part, and the one that proves my point, is J said that if I had been anybody else he probably wouldn't have stuck around. But he loved me, and I guess that was enough for him.

So yeah. Depends on the person. Hold on and focus on yourself and your health. If a woman doesn't want to be with you because of the Lyme, she probably wouldn't stick with you through harder things anyways. You want someone who will accept you for you; virtues and flaws and everything else.

Besides, sucky as it is, Lyme Disease has certainly made me a more interesting person! I learned things I wouldn't have otherwise. Honestly, I don't think I would like the woman I would have become growing up sans Lyme. It may have been easier, but I feel like I got more out of everything this way.

Piccoli, don't beat yourself up. It just hasn't been your moment yet, and you haven't met the right woman. Time cures all things. I can guarantee it'll cure this one too. The waiting is the worst, I feel for you there!

Post edited by: singfreebird, at: 06/12/2011 05:26 PM

Post edited by: singfreebird, at: 06/12/2011 05:27 PM


06/12/2011 07:43 PM
purpleyogamat
purpleyogamat  
Posts: 3076
Group Leader

Hi Piccoli,

I can relate to your story.... I'm single, so understand the trials of dating with this disease. It's hard to be sick and still want companionship of someone special.

For me, the hard part is that this disease has isolated me. I'm very disabled by it right now, so socializing is not an option. I've lost all of my friends (not great friends, then, right?), and don't have the energy to get out and meet people right now.

So I guess that part of my life is on hold at the moment. I hope one day to find someone who has compassion and empathy... who can understand what life with a chronic illness means and not be afraid of it....

I agree with what Betty and singfreebird say: It takes a special person to do that... someone who will see beyond the Lyme and see just you.

purple


06/12/2011 09:09 PM
goobered
goobered  
Posts: 216
Member

I am so glad you guys started this thread. I have been divorced for 2 years now and have not even considered dating - VERY messy and complicated story. But lately, I have been thinking about in the "future" when I do start dating (I am disabled and isolated also...for now) how do I tell the guy about what amounts to a potentially sexually transmitted disease that can be life-threatening.

Sounds dramatic that way, but to give the full picture, it is only fair. Yes, not likely since I am the female and transmission to a male is low.

It will take that special person. And for me, I know there is NO risk of meeting in 1 week since I am bed/recliner ridden most days!

Laughing

I think anyone who gets to know you will be understanding and weigh risks vs. love for you. There are good people out there...somewhere!

Goob


06/12/2011 09:25 PM
Avalon
Avalon  
Posts: 371
Member

Well, it's nice to know I'm not alone. Once I realized the amount of pain I had to endure in order to get through this treatment I decided it wasn't a good idea to even try looking.

I was in a nine year relationship before I got sick but once the pain hit everything went bye bye. I think its hard enough when a person is healthy and in a relationship, but illness makes things tough.

I'm sure one day I'll feel better and then I'll start looking. I figure once I can get out into the world someone will come along for me.

Fingers crossed Smile

Post edited by: Avalon, at: 06/12/2011 09:26 PM

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