Lyme Disease Support Group

I thought I would ask you all how you define what a "friendship" even is!

The reason is, I have been really confused about this for so long, and am still trying to determine it for myself.

I thought I knew, until I came down with this disease.

It really began to challenge me on what I had come to expect from people.

There are people who think your friends are people you grew up with, and who you owe some kind of allegiance to for the rest of your life.

I dont have a single one of them left in my life and dont want to reconnect with them.

Then there are the people you meet somewhere along the way that you have something strongly in common with and form a bond with.

But then that friendship depends on either party not changing too much so that the tie remains for life.

Then there is the rare bond between two people that continues despite significant changes occuring in each ( which seems difficult to maintain. )

Last, I have heard it said ( and I heard this recently from another member of this forum ) -

that friendships need to be changed every so many years to accomodate your "spiritual growth"( unless the friendship is able to fully support that. )

The truth is for me, that I have been through friends - I hate to admit it - like paper towels.

I have constantly changed over the years, and it has always gotten to the point where most friends tried to hold me back at a level they had become comfortable with, and have not wanted me to change.

But because I was ready to grow some more in my life, it only caused me bitterness when I had to remain my old self to please them.

So I have constantly had to just let go, causing alot of anger in others.

This has mostly been since getting Lyme, because things really changed for me spiritually over many years, and I've had lots of "shifts" in friends.

And now I have arrived here. And I consider you all friends. And feel like I have arrived at an endpoint finally. But have I?

In all this personal transcending, I have also come to see that what I think defines a friend is really very simple.

And very little physical contact is really needed anymore. In fact, I am content to just post letters, and be a friend that way!

But is that being lazy? Or just being more ME? Or is this just a phase I will grow out of?

For me personally, I have found that my friendship with God is what now tops all others.

And so whoever allows me to keep that first without trying to destroy it, appears to be a true friend.

But then what do I have to offer in the way of being a friend? If it means I have to replace God in someones life, can I do that?

I dont know. Maybe I am being a friend now and just dont even know it?

Do I really know the official definition of "friendship"? I still cant say that I do.

Is it now something that I am limited to finding within a circle of "infected" people?

So far I am loving it!! But is it friendship? I hope so.

I would really LOVE to hear how you all define it for yourselves!

Please enlighten me!! And in the mean time, I just know that I love all you guys!

Sorry this has been such a long post!

Post edited by: VicMac, at: 02/09/2011 08:34 PM

Post edited by: VicMac, at: 02/09/2011 08:37 PM

i hope i can find this later on THE SEASONS OF FRIENDSHIPS IN LIFE; that explains what you started above.

yes, YOU are giving US UNCONDITIONAL FRIENDSHIP which we in turn are returning to you as in THE GOLDEN RULE

a friend accepts us WE ARE; doesn't try to change us; just listens to us when we need rant or cry, and offers advise. .

they will also give their opinion honestly.

yes, god or whoever each of us believes inshould be NO. 1 in our lives followed by spouses/SO, parents, kids, etc.

this is as long as my mind allows me toconcentrate for awhile so i'll call it quits, but if i find the SEASONS OF FRIENDSIPS, i'll edit this and paste above.

we love you vicki just as you are hugs

bettyg

Do post it if you get a chance!

I think what is happening, is that you all are helping to redefine for me, what a "friendship" is.

And yes, like you said, whoever we define as no.1 in our lives, is our first friend.

For me it is actually God/Christ.

I found this definition of friendship that I love and wanted to share:

"A friend is one who strengthens you with prayers, blesses you with love and encourages you with hope."

Hugs,

Jackie

Thankyou for that definition!!

A friend that sticks closer than a brother is how Jesus was described...But does that mean a friend sticks closer than a brother.. I don't think so in the grand scheme..

I think that meant that Jesus was a BETTER friend than even our own sibling could be.

I think a friend follows Jesus example... But you know Vik...Some people are your friend whether or not we acknowledge that friendship.. I think a friend is one who defines themselves "honestly" as your friend...

Your best friend is the one that YOU define.....It's all in the intent of the heart. NO one is perfect and so no one can be a PERFECT friend. But love covers a multitude of sins.

Some people do not love themselves and therefore are not capable of giving unconditional love to another person EVEN IF THEY LOVE THEM.. SO is a friend someone that loves you? Emotion alone cannot define friendship as actions speak louder than words..

A friend to me is someone that prefers me over themselves...As the bible says we should love our neighbour as ourselves.. Does that mean we are our neighbors friend? We are friendly but there is no scripture demanding that we be FRIENDS WITH EVERYONE...just that we be A friend or FRIENDLY!

We can love someone without being THEIR COMRADE! In the sense of the word you are looking at Vik.. I think a friend is a friend AND COMRADE! Someone you can really LOOK FORWARD to talking to...and someone you feel you can confide in and trust.

TRUST is a HUGE thing when it comes to "Friendship" and that could be one thing that HELPS to define your "best" friend over a good friend..

SO that is VERY VERY VERY DEEP and yet relative too...

Vik "I" consider myself your friend..whether or not you do...That's it from MY view. BUT I know you love me and consider us friends too! YOU BETTER! LOL

To be "A" friend means you are not someones ENEMY...but there are degrees..

LOVE YA!

"Love our neighbor AS OURSELVES" points to the fact that if we do not love ourselves, then how can we really love another unconditionally?

This raises a really good question. Because what comes prior to that in the commandment is to "love God first, with all our heart, soul, mind and strength"

So it almost seems like loving another comes last on the list of three, and for good reason, as you said, unless we have have established this love first, then what do we really have to draw off of, in order to love another?

Thankyou for bringing this up! Do you see why this whole topic confuses me so much? There are so many angles to see it from!

I also liked what Jackie said because it designates God as the higher first, in "prayer" "strength" and "blessings" and by encouraging someone with "hope", it supports the person in whatever it is that he/she is 'hoping' for.

I think I am getting some answers this morning from you guys, because my real question has been, how can I be the best friend I can - to another?

It seems first it is to know that I love God and myself, but then to love another by trying to understand what is important to them and praying for strength and blessings to be given them, so they can keep hope in what their purpose in life is.

So I guess this is what I have been doing all along to some degree? Hmm? I would love for people to be more honest with me about what they think their purpose ( or Gods will ) in their life is.

Then I feel I have something to support them in!

As far as I am concerned ( in my limited understanding ), you and I are friends Tara! It sure feels that way! You have for sure been a friend to me!

Post edited by: VicMac, at: 02/10/2011 07:55 AM

We didn't see each other very often, sometimes not for years, but we were always in contact... I really feel there is a gap there that hasn't been filled yet...

Vicki, I'm going to throw everything off here I fear, but here goes my definition...

A friend to me is anyone that you come across in your life that gives you a positive feeling, a sense of wellness whenever they are near...

It could be the person at the register that you see everytime you walk into that same store, it could be the person you chat with endlessly on the phone or online...

It could be the person you walk past on the street that just gives you a big smile that warms your heart..

I try not to judge people, lest I be judged myself, and I like to think of all people as a friend of mine..

I leave myself wide open to being a friend for EVERYONE and I think by doing that, it's helped me to have many...

True friends don't need constant connection..I feel there comes a sense of knowing who is in your heart and what feels right..

I just try to love everyone that I meet, and so far, it seems to work for me...

Friendship is pure love and innocence. And warm and happy smiles...

At least to me!!

Love you Vicki! God bless your beautiful soul!!!

peace

If you think of everybody you are simply kind to as a friend, you will have lots of friends, and the burden from any one of them will not be too heavy. Interesting thought Kim. Thanks for sharing that.

Then I guess like Robert just mentioned there are going to be those who are more in our inner circle. Seems there is a different set of requirements there, and a different feeling.

Again like you said Kim, if they give you sense of wellness and a positive feeling, then they are a true friend.

I'm learning alot from you all!