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05/02/2010 01:04 PM

fighting with family members

memdk
Posts: 9
New Member

I'm sure other people have experienced that some of the people closest to you end up being the least supportive, while others you didn't expect to step up, step up. Well basically, my mother and I get along with my healthy and we don't get along with I'm sick, and since I've been sick for most of my 20s, this has been stressful. I had just been off Lyme meds for almost a year before recently relapsing. When she asks me how I feel, she only wants to talk about it if I can be positive with her....This time around, I thought it would be easier to just try to talk to my mom the least amount possible, but she keeps getting in my face about it. If I'm in a bad mood and am quiet, she says I need to be more pleasant. If I say I need my space, she says I'm being ungrateful. I just didn't want to have to deal with this this time around. I know family is family, but is it ok to just take space from them, or do I need to try to keep having the same conversations with her?
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05/02/2010 01:49 PM
kristielyme25
kristielyme25  
Posts: 473
Member

I have been having this same internal conflict about my mother for some time now. I feel like I would be better off without speaking to her, but for some reason, I find I always want my mom when I am sick.

Having said that, I think it is PERFECTLY fine for you to take some time to yourself. I have decided that I would no longer initiate contact, and if I don't want to talk to her, I don't. If she doesn't understand what you are going through, then she can't be of much help to you during this trying time.

I know it hurts to think of not having your family around, but judging from my experience and lack of sympathy from family members, it really seems best to shut out the people who cause you grief and stress.

As my doc said, it is VERY important to keep stress levels down during treatment. Easier said than done, I know, but we have to try!

I wish you the best of luck with everything and if you need to talk, let me know. Sounds like we are in the same boat with the moms right now!

*hugs*


05/02/2010 01:55 PM
memdk
Posts: 9
New Member

Thanks for replying! I totally get the whole stress thing...As if Lyme wasn't stressful enough. haha

05/02/2010 02:01 PM
cmany
cmany  
Posts: 6930
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

See now I would play the guilt card...I am a firm believer that if, and especially IF our parents end up being our worst support system, then they need to be reminded of WHAT THEIR ROLE IS...

Here are some examples...

"Ya know MOM, as a Parent, YOU are SUPPOSED to Believe IN me, Be SUPPORTIVE of me...and most importantly, be THE ONE PERSON in my life, who will help me through the worst of times. Guess what? You FAIL at that. Hope You are Proud of yourself!"

or the next time she gets sick with the flu...

"Hey, you should be more pleasant. You shouldnt be so ungrateful, I mean, you are only Puking and nearly crapping in your pants, but it could be worse dont you think? OH - Dont like to taste your own medicine...Then try having some RESPECT for someone who feels like you do EVERY DAMN DAY. To get RESPECT MOM, you MUST first GIVE RESPECT."

When she is really being a jerk...

"I certainly hope you dont get this disease or something like Cancer...because then I will have to make a choice. Do I treat you like garbage, like you treat me...or do I choose to be a BETTER person, and have the compassion that I so desparately needed from you that you FAILED to give...HMMM the decisions...Suppose I would choose to be a BETTER person then you have showed me that you could be."

And...

"I am sick. If you cant handle it, comprehend it, deal with it...well Honey, PUT your BIG GIRL pants on, start acting like both a PARENT AND a GROWNUP and DO RIGHT by your child. Save you criticism, save your NEGATIVITY - AS it is NOT condusive to my getting better...Give me the RESPECT that I deserve...If you CANNOT say anything nice, then Say NOTHING at all - Didn't YOUR mother teach you that?"

Dont hold back - sometimes our parents need to be reminded of how they need to behave...

We have to take charge and control and if that means putting whoever in their place - then do it...DEMAND respect - and if they cant do that - then they can at the LEAST practice common Courtesy...And if they dont do that...

Just tell them - DONT CALL ME Until you can LEARN to be a decent human being.

Take NO CRAP from anyone...

Christine


05/02/2010 03:28 PM
kristielyme25
kristielyme25  
Posts: 473
Member

Thumbs up, christine!

I just found out in the past hour or so that my mom tried to talk shit about me to my sister. My mother came out to my house last thursday (only the THIRD time she has been out here, and we have lived here for over FIVE years) and she agreed to watch "Under Our Skin" with me.

After she left, I felt good about her watching it...she even posted a link to the page for the movie on her FB profile...but then she talked to my sis...

Apparently, she told my sister that she was sick and tired of me talking about lyme and how sick I am...but she acts somewhat supportive to my face...but I am DONE!!!

I think the time has come for me to cut ties. I simply cannot do this anymore. I need to focus on ME for a change, and I don't care anymore what she thinks. I NEED to remain stress free (yeah right) and she is a BIG source of stress...

Thanks for listening to my rants...I feel like I hijacked your thread!!! I just had to tell someone about the new info I received...

Listen to cmany...she won't take crap from anyone...It's time for me to be like that. It's time for ME.

*hugs* to all you wonderful people on the forum. Without you, many of us would have NO ONE to turn to. Thanks everyone..and I LOVE you all!!!


05/02/2010 04:20 PM
Julie4848

Know the feeling oh so well, MINE lives with me and boy this is tuff very tuff....I feel for you I really do...

Stand your ground...Smile


05/02/2010 08:13 PM
memdk
Posts: 9
New Member

Hi All. Thanks for all the responses. I really don't hate my mom or anything, and I appreciate many things she's done for me, but this is kind of the one topic...In effort to destress and not try to be angry a lot, I just try to remind myself that she doesn't want to talk about me being sick b/c she doesn't want to see me sick. I just hope she can accept that she's a great mom, but I need my space when it comes to this topic.

05/02/2010 08:39 PM
Wolfpack
Wolfpack  
Posts: 874
Member

NO, you DO NOT need to keep having the same conversations with her. There's no winning with some people like that. My mother and brother are like that and are the only surviving members of my family to talk to which leaves me with nothing. Either it better be good or you better not say it. AND you better have something good to say or something MUST BE WRONG. Sound familiar?!

You don't have to put up with that. Tell her that you need your space regarding your health issues and that's that. If she eggs you on, she's just trying to push your buttons. Don't give in. Change the subject. If it keeps up (and I've had to do this,) politely excuse yourself and say you have to be somewhere and leave the situation entirely. They probably still wont get the picture, but it'll get you out of the craziness called family.

Cindy


05/02/2010 09:31 PM
Jennkat03
Jennkat03  
Posts: 332
Member

I can't remember where I got this quote exactly...another member here??? I really have the memory of a knat...anyway~

"There comes a time in life where you have to let go of all the pointless drama and the people who create it and surround yourself with people who make you laugh so hard you forget the bad and focus soley on the good! After all, life is too short to be anything but HAPPY!!!"

I try to remember that when I am forced to deal with unsupportive/negative people. I hope both of you can figure out something that makes you feel better!


05/02/2010 09:55 PM
Bettyg
 
Posts: 32211
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

welcome mem.... please break up your top post into short paragraphs and doublespace between each one for us neuros to comprehend/read; thanks then we can assist you. Smile hugs
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