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Tameka- You are such a sweet person! It sounds like you're laying a lot of guilt on yourself. Please try not to do that. My mom passed away 11 years ago (I was only 29) of Systemic Lupus. She had been on dialysis for 8 years prior to deciding that she just couldn't do it anymore. She was down to lik 80 some pounds. My husband and I tried so hard to be there for her every minute of every day. There were times that I actually hated that woman! She would become so bitter, so needy, so selfish, etc. And thank goodness for my hubby- he would remind me that it was the meds talking, not my mom. Anyway, I feel that we missed out on a lot of time with our children when they were younger because we were always hiring a babysitter to care for them. So we could care for my mom. I can tell you- my guilt runs the opposite way. I feel bad for not being there for my children. When my mom passed away- our youngest was 5. She totally didn't understand what was happening. She walked up to the casket and said, "Grandma, are you gonna wake up?" I can't tell you how that broke my heart. Our other daughter was 12 at the time. She was SO heartbroken. She spent a "lot" of time with my mom. She was old enough that she would go to grandmas and read books and watch movies with her. She was there when my husband and I weren't. About 3 years ago, our oldest got married. We were all sad because my mom was gonna miss out on this wonderful event. So, we put an 8x10 picture of my mom holding this daughter close to her face on a platform at the front of the church. Along with the picture was a yellow rose. -This is just an idea for future years, if you want your mom remembered at your children's weddings. -A lot of my mom's friends had been invited. They had such wonderful heart-felt feelings about the picture, and the meaning. I could go on and on, AND ON (I really should write a book). But I'll stop with that. Feel free to send me a message if you ever want to talk more. Or if you have any questions. I feel that I'm a walking book of knowledge when it comes to Lupus, Fibro, Anxiety, and Depression. When my mom was diagnosed with Lupus, there was only one doctor in the state that knew anything about it. I was just a teenager. My mom became an advocate for Lupus. She was on the National Lupus Foundation Board, back in the day. Her, along with some of her doctors would travel to other states- bringing awareness to others. Especially to the government. You take care or yourself. Take care of those precious children. Time heals the hurt, and I promise you- You will never forget the memories. Amy "When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place." ~Unknown |
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