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04/10/2012 08:40 PM

Checking In

AustinLisa
AustinLisaPosts: 110
Member

Hi Everyone! I feel like I haven't been on here in a long time. I've just been in survival mode. The last 8 months have been so lousy, and I don't even know what to do or where to turn. I'm open to suggestions...Every time I think this is all I can take...something else happens. In these 8 months, I watched one of my best friends die from complications of Scleroderma (at 34), watched my brother get sick and diagnosed with AI disease, had a knee bone transplant, got a horrible new boss that has a problem with me being sick, got diagnosed with chronic kidney disease, started Benlysta...still feel terrible, and found out I'm in early menopause (age 37) and can never have kids.

My menopause doctor sent me to a therapist to discuss the "loss" of not being able to have kids...but I feel too bad to go consistently. I would normally try to walk outside to relieve stress, but I can't do that yet due to my knee.

Maybe I just need to vent...so thank you!

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04/10/2012 10:13 PM
redhairali
redhairali  
Posts: 3840
Group Leader

I am sorry you are going through such a rough time right now. Hopefully the Benlysta will help to feel better and seeing someone for all you are going through sounds like a good suggestion. I know it is hard when it feels like everything is happening at once, it is so easy to feel overwhelmed.

Just remember we are always here for you. I hope you feel better soon.

Alison


04/11/2012 09:54 AM
mumeva
mumeva  
Posts: 6281
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

Lisa......we certainly understand that you needed to vent, you have certainly been through a bad spell, am very sorry to hear about your best friend and your brother. I know sometimes we can't comprehend why these things happen. I think right now you need to concentrate on yourself and your treatments. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Eva


04/12/2012 12:35 AM
hawakeita
hawakeita  
Posts: 1913
Senior Member
I'm an Advocate

Hello. It's good to hear from you. And I'm so sorry it's been hard on you lately. That's a lot for a person to go through all at once. I'm not sure how long you've been on Benlysta, but I think it does take time to really feel the benefits. Did they talk to you about that? I'm so sorry about your early menopause too. I can't imagine how that is making you feel. We are here for you. Come by anytime.

04/13/2012 10:28 PM
MsK
MsK  
Posts: 129
Member

Lisa, I hope you've found that venting here is an absolutely positive step in dealing with this particularly rough time. I went through menopause at 18 years of age. I didn't know I had Lupus. I did have positive ANA!s even then so it 's hard for me to understand why a diagnosis waited until I was over 40 years old. If I remember right (I'll be 57 years of age this month) they attributed the early menopause to endocrine metabolic disorder, and that was enough for me at the time. I had a hysterectomy at 26. Through prayers and God's love, we adopted 4 children who were so preciously mine from birth...anyway they are all grown up. I know that if I had given birth to children, I would have never had these four wonderful people in my life and believe me, they couldn't have been more perfectly mine! So, don't give up hope, there are many ways to build a family. If you ever want to talk about this, PM me anytime. I've seen so much AI in my family, I should have expected something like Lupus but again, good news. My mom is almost 80 and is doing well in spite of RA. My father has beat death a number of times, the latest one was a bout with another AI called a Pemphigoid. I have a family with the most positive attitudes. They passed that on to me. I know it helps you to remain strong. Hang in there. There are good times ahead, I promise. ~Sonja

04/16/2012 06:00 PM
AustinLisa
AustinLisaPosts: 110
Member

Thank you all so much for the kind messages. It's weird how grief (that's what it feels like) comes in pulses. I really appreciate not feeling alone, and it means so much. Sonja, your children are truly blessed to have a mom that obviously loves them so much. I'm trying to remind myself that there are other options. I'm just worried that they would never allow someone so sick to adopt. I guess I need to focus on health first and take things one day at a time. I'm just ready for a break!

04/18/2012 12:36 PM
MsK
MsK  
Posts: 129
Member

Your attitude will be what carries you through. Yes, take one day at a time. When you are ready, there are ways to incorporate children in your life that will be good for both of you. Anytime you want to talk this through, just let me know!

04/18/2012 03:31 PM
zizzcat
 
Posts: 515
Member

Hi,,,

Am so sorry that you are going through such a difficult time!

Hearing about how you and others like you, keep going, helps me to keep going.

You will be in my prayers.

Hope

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