Dear Sharon88,
Although we haven't met, my name is 'Zach', and I would ask you to review my profile, and, perhaps scroll downmy diary entires, in case something may prove to be of some help to you.
While I am 58, and live alone with my dog Daisy ( 'the-best-dog-on-the-planet ' ), I can well-understand your feeling helpless, depressed, and--maybe--having feelings of perhaps not being of much use.
I can well-imagine that if you are a wife and/or mother, that,in another situation, you would be the care-giver, and the one often in charge.
I would suggest to you that perhaps, the 'darkness' you feel so palpably closing in around you would be that feeling of depression, and, of helplessness, and hopelessness.
And while you did not mention what condition you might have, or, if you are seeing anyone professionally, or, are on medications, if not, I would urge you to seek professional help, and treatment; there IS NO shame in that.
I think I may safely assume that you are suffering, but not by your own choice or design.
This is important; for you are NOT your condition. IT is something you just happen to have.
Neither did you mention, dear, how long you may have felt this way.
First of all, always remember that you are NOT a burden; you still have a mind to make choices, a heart that is still fully capable of caring, and...a soul, dear.
Perhaps what you may be feeling--too--is a sense of being 'powerless', and of now having to depend on others.
That's why I wanted you to review my profile,'sharon87', for it will show you what I must deal with daily.
At one time, I was used to being the one in charge...both at work, and home, as for 16 years, I cared for my elderly and ill mother and father before their deaths.
I worked full-time nights, and you'll probably laugh ( which wouldn't hurt you! ) that I even had a 'work' calendar in the bathroom at home, so I could look at it, and program action from that.
So it was incredibly difficult for me to make that transition to doing everything, to admitting that--now--there's a lot that I cannot do without help or assistance.
These are but a few things I did regularly that I just cannot do now for myself:
1) grocery shop
2) mow the lawn and trim the hedges
3) drive and own a car ( that was a BIG one, because it limited my mobility.
4) clean up the huose
5) laundry
6) I even need assistance with a C.N.A. to take a shower.
Now, I am on oxygen, 24/7, and can only walk painfully with a cane. That is in NO WAY the 'old' me.
You must remember, sharon, that ( if you are very lucky ) you are surrounded by ones who love you, and hopefully will understand your condition.
In taking stock of yor limitations, also take stock of what you can STILL do. It will surprise you.
You can still dry a child's tear ( if you have children ); you can still tell someone you love them. You can still be gratefull for any number of things.
At very base, is that you live in a Country that gives you SO many freedoms.
Take heart from all the things you are, and of those things you can still do.
At times, excuse me, you'll just have to put on your 'big girl pants', such as times when I have to don my 'big boy pants'.
And, please also never forget, you can still report and end spouse, child, or pet abuse, by just picking up the telephone.
You have value, sharon; you have worth. Please, please never, ever forget that.
If you so choose, please 'PM' ( private message me ) to let me know how you are doing.
BTW....you have made an excellent choice by coming to MDJunction; here, you can find support groups of caring, emlightened people from all social strata, that would help your condition.
Meanwhile, please do take care !
'Zahc'
