Lung Cancer Support Group

My name is Gary. I have a Father-in-Law who has been diagnosed with small cell lung cancer for about 6 months now. He is also a heart attack survivor. Because of the heart attack he was not able to do any more than one treatment of chemo and radiation. His heart is only at 7% refraction. To add to it he is now in end stage kidney failure. He is on oxygen 24/7. He is now not able to move from his Hover-Round or wheelchair and has to be lifted by family members. I brought my boys to see him over spring break and he had some good coherent days. Now I am on the other side of the country. I am the outsider now. I won't be able to tell him face to face that he was always the example for me in marriage and being a father. When I first met him in 1985, he was very intimidating as I was trying to get him to agree to let me date his daughter. Now he is smaller and frail and looks off when he is asked a question. He has not given up and yet he is ready to move on. Can anyone relate?

Last night he died in his sleep. I can't cry even though I want to. I feel like my heart has dropped down into the bottom of my stomach. I am having trouble concentrating...not that I was any good at concentrating before....it's different now. Everything is different now.