Yesterday was the first day in awhile I felt alive withing myself, the oncoming grief pushed a little aside.....then I had to go and do something stupid, to set myself back.

Have you ever seen the Bette Midler movie: "BEACHES" ?

Well, I hadn't, until the wee hours of this morning. I couldn't sleep, which is nothing new..so I found this movie I bought years ago but had never seen. I popped it in, and was enjoying it so, for it reminded me so much of myself when I used to sing on stage.

But if you've seen Beaches....you can imagine how the ending struck me. Now I can't stop crying, how ironic it was knowing that my mother ..was THE WIND BENEATH MY WINGS...an was my BEST FRIEND for many years.In my mind's eye,,through my tears.......

I could honstly see myself singing that in her honor at her funeral...if only I had the emotional courage.

Is deep sadness, mixed with feelings of reverance, and appreciation..for the wind that she was beneath my wings ..so that I soard high I could almost touch the sky...be considered ANXIETY .......if it is.I am swimming deep in it right now. I want my Mama;s arms around me so bad I could die...myself.

To see a short clip and hear the song:

http://www.lyrics.com/index.php/artists/lyric/bette-midler- lyrics-wind-beneath-my-wings-t-3642406