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07/13/2011 04:14 PM

Today is my daughter's B'day

vandy
Posts: 5
New Member

I havent posted in a long time, but somehow wanted to post today. Today my daughter would have been 8 years old. I miss her like crazy, I just want to hold her once. I am so sick of feeling lost and waiting for the next cancer to hit us. Dont think anyone else would even come close to understanding this than the folks here. People are just avoiding me today because they dont want to talk about my daughter and dont want to see me tear up.

But, all I want to do is remember her and talk about her. Guess thats why I am posting here, I really dont know where else to go to. I really really really miss her. Thanks for listening.

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07/14/2011 08:47 AM
shoonu
shoonuPosts: 186
Member

I'm so glad that you posted. It's very hard for anyone even some of us on the forum to know what to say when one is dealing with the loss of a child. That is the worst pain someone can experience. People don't know how to react and don't know what to say. Fear of saying the wrong thing makes others withdraw because they don't want you to hurt anymore than you are already hurting. It is okay to miss her even more on certain days and to miss her so much. It's all part of the grieving process. Your wounds are still so deep and everyone's wounds heal at a different pace, but you will heal even though you are left with a scar. I will send you a private message with my telephone # and if you want to talk I'm there for you anytime.

Shoonu


07/18/2011 05:04 PM
mamas4monkeys
Posts: 103
Member

Thanks for posting. I'm so sorry you feel like people are avoiding you. It's hard enough to go through the pain. I think most people have no idea what to say or how to say it- they don't realize that just a nice word or two can help. My children never got to know their uncle or grandfather. Every year on my brother's birthday, we bake a pineapple upsidedown cake in his memory and I tell them stories. I prefer to remember the birthdays with them, for the anniversaries of their deaths bring so much sadness, despite the fact that I miss them everyday. As a mother- I can only begin to imagine your anguish. Maybe you can find a happy memory of your daughter to share with others on that day, like how we bake the cake- that way friends or family can be included in the joy of her life when they might not know what to say or do for you at this time. The wounds never heal- but sometimes we can hold them together with happier memories.

07/19/2011 02:47 PM
dmooney
dmooney  
Posts: 27
New Member



Post edited by: dmooney, at: 02/04/2013 07:18 AM

07/19/2011 04:47 PM
coffeediva
coffeediva  
Posts: 119
Member

No words. Just support and love from me.

07/20/2011 12:19 AM
MonkeyGrandma
 
Posts: 76
Member

I am so sorry that you lost your daughter and have had to experience the feelings of being alone and having people avoid you. I have felt some of those same feelings, the sense of loss even years later, the sense of just wanting to to hold your child and to talk about them with someone.

One of the things that I have noticed after the loss of my son was that sense of not wanting to be alone with my memories but wanting to share. It was always difficult because if I would start to talk to someone they automatically wanted to change the subject. I don't believe they were really trying to avoid me but some people would avoid me and not even call or mention my son even though they knew it may have been the anniversary of his birth or death.

Some people only want to talk about happy times and when you need to share your inner sadness with them they don't want to feel that pain themselves. I really don't believe people have bad intentions. They just don't know how to help in sharing your pain of loss. I believe it scares them to think that life is that fragile and if they allow themselves to think about the worst thing that has happened that they are somehow being unfaithful to trying to keep a positive attitude which is supposed to be the way to fight cancer.

I am sorry that I am writing so many days later than your original post on your daughter's birthday and maybe you feel a little different today but I would love to hear about her if you are up to it.

Post edited by: MonkeyGrandma, at: 07/24/2011 06:01 AM

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