HPV Support Group

Hi,

Never done this before so bear with me...

I was diagnosed with HPV in july 2010 just two months after I got married. I had no symptoms whatsoever but a smear/pap test gave an abnormal result which turned out to be severe dysplasia / pre cancer. I have never been so scared. They did a loop biopsy and I have had two clear tests since then but it has left me despising myself and my body. I feel totally out of control, I rely on drink / tobacco and food abuse to give me a sense of control. I am destroying my marriage because I feel like nothing matters, tomorrow I could have cancer and not even know, so what's the point, you know? I want to disappear because I feel like my whole existence is just upsetting people, obviously my husband was devastated by the hpv and has supported me completely, but I feel like a burden to him. How do you make your body feel like it's yours again again?

For me it took time, taking care of my body and therapy. Treating your body right is soooooo important for treating and remaining healthy with HPV and drinking and smoking are two things that can make it worse. I know its hard but I would really urge you to stop. Its not good for your body in general. I also urge you to try to see a therapist - I know how hard it is to do this - I was terrified but it has changed my life. Let your husband be supportive, that is what he wants to do He loves you and just wants you too feel better and probably feels just as out of control.

Thank you so much for your response Sirena6. I feel like I've been indirectly reaching out to those I love for support and then getting angry when they don't understand what I need. You have restored a little of my faith in human nature and I sincerely hope that you are ok.

When I first found out about the HPV I went on a manic health binge, eating nothing but fruit and veg, knocked the fags and booze on the head, exercised etc in the hopes that I could get rid of it on my own. It didn't work and I had to have the biopsy despite all that. I think drinking and all now is a sort of defiant action, I don't see why anything matters. Like so many posts have said, I tried to do everything right, I haven't slept around, I haven't been a bad person, I did all the routine STI tests and still, this. The anger is overwhelming. I don't know what to do. My husband moved out today.

Sorry Sirena6 I don't know why I'm saying all this and obviously I don't expect a response, I think I just opened a flood gate or something. I'm sorry and as before I really hope that you are ok.

Sometimes it is just good to get it all out someplace. I did the same things at the beginning - overdid the being healthy. You can't stress out too much about that either. Just do your best. I know how it feels when you have been "good" and this still happens. Hope it helps to post and talk it out a bit - feel better!