Free to be me, no topic discussion, April 6th

I can see the mountain from here..it is there I go and walk..listening to nothing but nature..not sure..but I think I hear a waterfall nearby.

How soothing.

For now I shall lay out on the beach with a good book and a good view of the bar..lol.

lol..reality is I just had a houseguest last week..today I start the mounds of laundry..lol...welcome to my laundry moutain..

while i take my breaks today..my mind will be here on that beach.

Take care of yourselves all..and enjoy the sunshine.

Chat with you soon.

Post edited by: hsshutterbug, at: 04/07/2008 10:40

i hear you about spring..the weather is up and down.

Sound of the waves is enticing.

Sorry I missed this post about the rough day.Hectic to say the least. I hope you are doing better today. Get a break for yourself sometime soon before the surgery night. Get some sort of calm/peace for yourself. As the caretaker you are..you need tending to as well.

Best of luck...hugs.

Thanks, Shutter, I appreciate all that you do, your right it is going to be a very emotional week, between trying to smile and be nice to customers that you would rather reach across the counter and pop up side the head, then the stress of just having to work period, it's been a rough week already, and it's just Tuesday..lol..

Sorry, I thought I had told you what the surgery was for, my bad, anywho, her doctor did a ekg, and ultrasound on her a week or so ago, the ultrasound showed something up in the bile duct leading in to the liver, and the guy that read it, got on the phone to her doctor and told him something needed to be done and done now, the ekg came back abnormal, turns out she supposedly has two of three ventricles blocked or partially blocked, so the A-hole doctor of hers sends her out to Anderson to see this guy that is going to do the liver surgery, and she tells him about the ekg, her frigging doctor had not, the Surgeon after she tells him this, says he won't do the procedure till after she is cleared by cardio, so today has been spent in the hospital getting a thousand and one tests run, to see if she is cleared for the bile duct procedure, if not guess they will have to address the heart first, then the duct, at least with the duct it will be done down through the throat rather than splitting her open. Her four hour test today ended up taking almost 8, I could not afford to take off work, so poor baby brother got the fun of sitting with her, lol, he can't handle her near as well as I can.. so I spent the day stressing over if she was ok, and trying my best not to fall apart and let anyone know i was stressing..

We're suppose to find out tomorrow if she cleared and if she did what time her op is to be for Thursday, so I have to miss another day of work, which I really can't afford, but I would be to big of a basket case to be there anyway, so missing is the lessor of the two evils.. Hubby ain't been feeling to well, so I might end up with him going to the emergency room, but with him, it's hard to know if it is a crying wolf thing or something really wrong, he knows better than to screw with me too much, cause I will drag his ass to the hospital, last time he cried heartburn for three days in a row, he ended up with a full cardiac workup..lol.. turns out later to be the fact that the idiot had been drinking hot two liter bottles of dr pepper..

Right now, I feel like curling up in a corner somewhere and crying for a couple of hours, but all that will do is make my eyes swell, I'd go and make myself a very large rum and coke, but can't do that cause A: I don't have any in the house, B: I've got 15 years of sobriety I would be throwing out the window...lol.. not to mention the fact that bipolar medications and alcohol don't mix to well..

I can fall apart this weekend, when we get through this. I've always had to be the strong one in this family so I have to keep that mask glued tightly till we get through this mess, her personal doctor had better hide behind his exam table next time she goes to see him, cause I will beat the living tar out of him if I can get my hands on him, I don't know at this moment if she hasn't been telling him the truth or if he has not been listening to her, both are very real possibilities, she and i had a couple of words in the surgeon's office yesterday, about her not telling them everything, and once this is over, we will be having some more.. she told him I was her body guard, I told him I wasn't the body guard I was the rat, if she didn't tell him everything I would...lol, pisses her off, she doesn't like being treated like a 2 year old, well, she had damn well better stop acting like one, she had the nerve to sit there and tell me the doctors don't need to know everything.. could have popped her for that one, the only thing they don't need to know, is how many times she brushes her hair, unless it is a nerve damage or something going on that she should not be brushing her own hair.

I'm not sure how to approach this not telling the doctor thing with her, beyond dragging her butt with me each time I see mine and refusing to tell him the truth, just see how fast she rats me out..lol.. anyway, going to have a reasonably quiet night, fixing to go and take the remote away from the hubby, and watch something besides politics, since he got a job working at the county for 3 hours per day, he's decided he has to be up to date on everything that is going on, before you could not even watch news without him changing the channel, now you can't get him off the debates, and all this serves to do is set him off on one of his rants about how bad the government is..

Thanks for letting me bend your ear..lol, sorry if it fell off.. just been one of those weeks...like I said, it's only Tuesday.

Gentle hugs and pain free days.

Carmen

What you posted here ..sounds scary and I am not sure how you do it. I can understand your concerns. That is more than a handful. I hope that everything goes well..will send good thoughts/prayers your way.

Lol@drinking warm dr.pepper...sorry to laugh but that was too funny...the days of complaining and still not adjusting his diet to calm it down. An uncle of mine will eat a half bottle of hotsauce at the family picnics and is still baffled after each meal as to what or where his pain comes from. It happens everytime after a meal..but he still has no clue lol.

You have to deal w/own docs and hers as well..that takes alot of patience. I do hope she sees you mean well. I will be thinking of you both.

Hugs to you both.

Post edited by: hsshutterbug, at: 04/09/2008 06:57

Maybe you or someone else can start doing with Grandma's doctors like i have to do with Mom's, tell them the truth of the matter, she might not like it, but if it helps her to have a year or two of better health then so be it. I've been in this battle with Mom for quite a few years now. Her favorite past time is griping to the family but when it comes to doing something about her ailments, she clams up at the doctor, the last time she and I had one of these rounds i had to give her a choice, get in my car quietly and go to the hospital or I would call a ambulance and have them pick her up, her choice, lol, she got in the car. I've ratted her out several times since then, you would think she would have learned better by now.

She's at least passed the cardio enough to go and get the bile duct cleared out, I believe this is something she has had going on for quite a while now, and hasn't done anything about it, she had her gallbladder out about 12 years ago, and has been having side pains for about 11, from the sounds of it, who ever done her damned gallbladder surgery, didn't check to see if there were stones in the duct, we moved out here 10 years ago from California.

Dealing with my doctors isn't that big of a deal, basically they know the only reason I am there is for their signature on the script..lol.. not to mention the fact that they know what is going on with me whether they want to or not..

Her doctors on the other hand, don't know what the hell is going on, unless she lets me in the room with her, only recently has she started letting me go in with her again..lol..

Well, going to have a fairly quiet night this evening, getting off the computer soon and just going to veg.

Hugs

Carmen

This aunt has recently started having her live with her. My gran goes back and forth, to her original home in the Islands..and then spends summer months with my aunt. Now my aunt can see for herself what is happening. We all pitch in moneywise and coordinate picnics/bbqs while she is here. This way she can see grandkids & great grandkids in one shot. Those days I need medication lol..as my family is huge. I just go take breaks somewhere and hide lol.

I hope your evening was quiet..and you were able to relax before the big day.

Thinking of you and your mom.

Hugs back to you.

Hugs to all HSers as well.