Heroin Addiction Support Group

Hi, I am new to this forum. I strongly support your attending NARanon. It doesn't take away the pain, but I feel like it is saving my life. My son was interested in suboxone before he went into treatment. I would like to hear how your child does with it. In brief, the treatment facility he went to did not use suboxone, and now I feel guilty. However, he used while he was in treatment-- he used his cell privileges to contact dealers and arranged for drops. (he is 22), Before then, we were supporting him in apartments and with food, clothing etc., not realizing the full extent of his drug use. At any rate, the treatment center counseled him into a more restricitve environment, and he fled at that point. I know now that he is alive and still in town. However, there has been no contact for 3 months.I feel sick with worry and grief all the time, I've actually altered physically .I don't want to have to deal with him, either-- it would just involve lies and manipulation. For years, my husband and I have tried to help and been lied to and manipulated. We aren't helping (enabling) now. It's the only thing left, though I would help with suboxone were he to ask for it. People say to pray, but that is not a magic solution. wishing you luck.

Post edited by: henryhyde1, at: 04/23/2009 05:42 PM

Hi, I understand exactly what you are going through. My 23 year old son has been addicted to heroin for 5 years. He has stopped using several times but he just can't seem to kick it for good. He is actually taking Suboxone right now. He is just taking a 1/2 of a 1/2 at this point. I want him off it ASAP as I hear the withdrawal from it can be worse than the withdrawal from heroin. It breaks my heart to look at this young man I have raised and know what has been injected into his veins. I pray every day that this Suboxone program will work and that this will not be a life long problem even though I feel it will be for him. I had always had so many hopes and dreams for him. He has drained his bank accounts 3 different times. We have told him at this point that if he chooses to use again, he will be kicked out of the house. It breaks my heart but I cannot be an enabler anymore. I have always done everthing to help him conquer this addiction.

So I truly understand what you are going through and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your son. Please hang in there, this is a wonderful site and there are so many helpful people here. Take care of yourself, this addiction can eat you alive as I have found out from experience.

Janis

I am familiar with suboxone. My 23 yr old son was taking it for several years and not really trying to get clean. He eventually began selling it for drug

money. We took him off and now that we hope he has reached rock bottom ( we let him sit in jail for a month at Christmas when his bail was oly $500) we agreed to let him back on it. He was trying to detox from 300 mg of Methadone and large amounts of xanax and after 2 weeks, he was still sick. So we agreed to let him get back on it but not long term. He really should be working his way off of it by now. We did learned that Methadone is a horrible substitute for heroin. It put our son's addiction in the express lane.

Suboxone can be very helpful initally, but from what I have heard, you should try to get off of it eventually.

I know how hard it is to have him out there. It's a parents nightmare. At least when he is home, you can check to see if he is still breathing.

I really feel your pain. It's has to help to know that there are so many parents outhere going thru exactly what you are with your son.

I will keep him in my prayers.

Hi Janis,

Thanks for replying so promptly. I hope you get this message. I hadn't checked back here.I really appreciate your support and understanding. when you say, "It breaks my heart"-- yes, now I understand what it means to be daily heart broken, and still keep on keeping on. I love my son very much and he's never far from my mind. But recently I had to set a boundary and it was not too hard, though it was a new step and not easy. I was starting to help him again, and I'd arranged to get him a cell phone- to bottom line it, he never showed for the phone and I knew he'd been using all weekend when I didn't hear from him. So I told him he wasn't getting a cell phone. I'd helped with groceries and some clothing, and we were about to help with rent-- but he'd told me before he was "just" using marijuana, and I knew it was a lie when he disappeared, as he typically has in the past, for a few days.

I've heard mixed reviews of suboxone, some of which you've mentioned.

How are things going now for you with your son?

Connie

p.s. I go to Naranon--- there is an epidemic of young men getting hooked on heroin. (and women).The drug cartels have been very successful in their efforts to addict and kill young people.

Dear Cathy,

thank you also for your post regarding suboxone and methadone. The word nightmare is the most fitting. the daily day time nightmare. Thanks for your prayers, and I add mine for your child..I haven't been through the jail experience yet; but I know it's one of the big fears, and our youth get punished, rather than the cartels that control and keep the addiction business going. I used to see jail as a "bottom" but having been in Naranon for a few months, I know it is often not a bottom, just a horrible experience for one with the disease of addiction, and a nightmnare for the parents, or other caring people.

Connie

Hi Connie,

First of all I have to say, "God works in mysterious ways". I have not been on here for several months and today I see I have 2 posts and a hug from you. We had a TERRIBLE night here at my house last night. I went into my sons room only to find his girlfriend hiding packets under his computer keyboard and a needle was laying on his desk. Needless to say all hell broke loose. After trying 5 times in the last 6 years to get him clean, our only avenue was to kick him out. He screamed at his girlfriend for not hiding the stuff which by the way he has now hooked her on. We are just devasted and so heartbroken. She stayed her for a few hours and we hope to God we got the message across to her about him. She needs to get away from him as she is a wonderful person. She just graduated from 4 years of college communting to and from the next state over with honors in her program. She is going to next go for her masters. She put herself through school and has worked 2 jobs at times. We are just so hurt for her that he has dragged her down this road of distruction.

I have been calling his cell phone all morning to get no answer. We want him to come home so we can give him is final ultimatum....either check into an inpatient facility ang get clean once and for all or he has to move out. He currently works for my husband do concrete foundations which is very strenuous work. Only to work killing himself to pay for this stupid poison. It is now time for my husband and I to get some help. We can no longer deal with this. We are both so devasted we just don't know what to do. We ars scared to death that he may have done something stupid last night. I knew in my heart he was using again. I was testing him but it always came up negative as he was taking something for that I am sure. This is such a dreadful disease for our whole family. You cannot imagine how touched I am to see your post and hug this morning. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Today is going to be another rough day but I am sure with the help of God we will get trhough it again. Again, thank you for your post and hug, you are a bright spot in my very dreary day.

Janis

Dear Janis,

You are doing the right thing by kicking him out. You need to save your sanity, and obviously his brazen entitlement to use (in your home) has not diminished. I can believe he evaded the testing. I can believe it, because I know how long we went before we even knew the depth of our son's drug abuse (and I was doing searches the whole time). The user develops an amzing expertise in terms of hiding what he is doing.

I suggest you find a good Naranon group. I've been going since November and I never miss unless I'm sick or out of town. You don't have to agree with everyting people say or even with the 12 step system. You will find people who've beendown your road, who are further down that road then yourself. Also, eventually you become a help to the newcomer who is less along that yourself. It is affirming of one's being a good person and also makes you feel less isolated.

I didn't understand much about enabling in the begtinning, but now understand a lot. Of course, we make very hard decisions (and the decision to cut support is agony), and they are not without ambivalence. But you'll be no good for your family unless you get some help and some distance from his addiction. He is putting th ewhole family in danger in many ways, one of which is that drug dealers likely know where you live.

Well,one thing we learn in NARANON is not to give advice, to just suggest. So I will amend this as a suggestion. There are women in my group who sleep with locked doors bec things escalated to physical violence. also, bank accounts invaded.

Meanwhle, I live everyday with the sadness of the situation. But I'm not sleeping 12 hours a day, and I'm not considering suicide. I'm taking better care of my health, and I'm beginning to be interested in things again. I see a psychologist if I'm flummoxed by a major decision. Otherwise, the support group has helped. Btw-- I can't find a professional who thinks our course has been wrong. ESP since we believe it is the ONLY way our son has a chance of wanting to be clean. He had no motivation before, as we supported him in his addiction (thinking we were doing the right thing). but there are no guarantees-- Our son could come in harm's way, and I coud end up feeling guilt over that.

Well, it's all very complex (as Beautiful Boy so wonderfully delineates). We have to do the best we can do knowing that our choices are so very tough, ones most parents will never have to face. And we need help.

Another hug your way. Keep writing!

Connie

p.s. We gave our son the treatment ultimatum last November-- He went to 6-7 weeks of treatment, and just before he was due to "graduate" (to a halfway house) they discovered he'd been using in treatment.

Post edited by: henryhyde1, at: 06/09/2009 01:01 PM

Aother p.s.! I agree with giving treatment a chance.

How's it going Janis and Cathy?

Connie