Heroin Addiction Support Group

Hi

I just wanted to reach out to all you girlfriends / wives / mum / partners etc of addicts to ask a questions where I am hoping there may be an answer.

My boyfriend is still in that place of lying, denying even though now I and his parents are now talking and being joined up! It seems ludicrous to me how he can still lie to all of us and its so blatently obvious because he's losing track of what hes saying.

He now has no home (Ive kicked him out), no money soon, no job (he lost that last week) no clothes with him and his phone has been cut off. (Hes currently living with his brother who has been a major heroin, methadone an alcohol addict for 20 years).

Does anyone have any tips where you have made loved ones see any sense at all? I know he will have to get to rock bottom himself but its really difficult when you are helpless. Is there anything anyone did that you felt was a turning point?

Ive tried threatening him with the police etc but the lies still seem to be being told.

At my wits end!!!

Thanks - sorry for the venting

Hi I am not a partner of an addict etc I am a recovery heroin addict currently on a methadone program to ween me away from my addiction. Enough about me.

One of the main issues when someone is still using is you don't see the damage/pain your causing around you when you steal, lie and cheat your way through day to day life as most addicts do. This is mainly because your mind is fixated on the next hit and gaining money to get the next hit so users end up in a vicious circle of using, scoring using and so on.

The only real advice I can offer you is to make sure your boyfriend knows he still has your support when he's willing to actually work to conquer his addiction and by support I don't mean take him back in etc I mean if he wants help getting on a methadone program or attending his doctors, drug councilors etc that you will be there to guide him and support him will be a real help if/when he decides using isn't a lifelong option and believe me that day will come sooner or later.

Just a quick question has your boyfriend ever tried a methadone program and if so what happened???

Hi... Thanks for replying and well done so far on your recovery!

The problem is that I haven't spoken to him properly for weeks.

Last time I did it wasn't great either which Is unfortunate, I didn't handle it well!

He's been staying at his brothers which isnt a healthy environment, but keeps lying to his parents that he is just visiting and still at work. They then text or call me and I fill them in on things like him losing his job (and his boss emailed me so no dispute there) but they don't seem to question his lies to him directly.

So all in all he has blatantly told me he is not and has not been on heroin / methadone. He has denied it all which I believed up

Until a few wks ago.

I am longing for the day he calls and admits everything, he just used to get angry and said why tar him with his brothers brush.

The only way I know is by what I have witnessed. I did find a bottle of physeptone with his name on it so I can presume he did go to the doctor but since then the little bottles I have found have no label, almost like a reused bottle. I found one on holiday too but he said he thought his brother used that suitcase a while ago and must have left it in there!

I've seen text messages as well talking about green from his brother something like 30-40 mls??? But he is yet to admit anything to me.

Basically now he has no job, no home, his phone has been cut off, everyone (companies) seem to be chasing him for money and he owes me over £10k which is the amount it got too. I'm not quite sure how!

Over the past few mths, even with finding little bottles (usually empty or a small amount like on hols) I still kept an open mind but the way he was asking me for cash and the lies. I've since found out when he was supposed to be at work and I was paying for his hotel on my credit card "until his expenses came thru!" he was somewhere with his brother or his brother was with him.

I've sent an email explaining I'll support him but when he's ready only, no more lies etc but his phone has now been cut off so there is literally no way for me to get hold of him besides his brothers number.

It's like he's on this spiral and I've no idea how long it will take for him to get off it.

Would have thought 3 weeks with his brother would have been enough for him to realize (his bro is a heavy user) but it's not happened yet.

He got his last paycheck on 10th may so I guess it's just a matter of time when that runs out.

As everything literally has been lies for the past few mths, I wonder if I will ever know what he's really been doing or where he is.

May I ask, what made your decision? It must be tough to make that step!

I wish you all the best and u should be so proud you have!

I

I totally understand your worries with him being around his borther in a drug related environment I suppose you could at least look at is as he's around family and even though his brother uses drugs I doubt he's going to let your ex do any real harm to himself or get in serious trouble so think of it as it could be worse and he could be hanging around with hardened criminal in crack houses etc.

I have to add most if all not heroin addict when still in the pattern of using will deny use no matter what evidence is put in front of them I used to do it and personally I don't know why this is must be part of the addiction so called being in denial if he admits he has used it means he's a step closer to admitting he has a problem and is no longer in control if that makes sense.

Green is a slang term for methadone and it is measured in ml's so that text is referring to methadone which in my personal opinion is so much better then using heroin as it is long acting and doesn't really get you high (unless you use very high doses) and more stops the nasty physiological cravings and physical withdrawals you experience without opiates.

The reason I got help and went onto a methadone program was I got to the point where money was running out I was fed up of committing petty crime to fund my habit and had ended up begging my mum to give me money to fund my habit because I was getting physically ill without it and me and my mum are close and it was upsetting her so much that I had to start turning my life around because I couldn't bear what I was doing to her.

I do still use on occasions but I will only use once every 2-4 weeks because otherwise I'll end up with a double habit taking methadone and heroin which would put me in a very bad place.

I wish you all the best and really hope your partner pulls through and decides to get some form of help. Maybe give his brothers phone a call and try and talk to him about it all try telling him what you know in a kind compassionate kind of way and it might end up getting him to open up which would be a really big step for both of you.

If you ever need any help or advice you think I may be able to offer please feel free to contact me and i'll be back in touch asap.

Thanks Jordan

If you take a look at my blog it might give you a little insight into how an addict works/functions as there are posts from when I was still using, stealing etc to fund my habit .

http://www.HelpWithHabit.blogspot.com

Hi Jordan

Your blog really helps.... i guess its just trying to understand...

How are you doing now?

Well - I have stuck to my guns. Not seen him or caved in or chased for 4 weeks now. Not wavered from my statements or given in. Had a discussion this evening where for the first time he has admitted taking methadone a few months ago (still states it was his brothers as of course he is not a user!) but said he tried it to help him sleep.

of course i dont believe thats it... but I have left him with the thought of thanks for admitting that but I know thats not the full story, sleep on it and think about what he wants and if he is willing to give me the full story and admit to himself as well as me. If so I will meet him for a coffee, if not and I get the excuses, lies etc then no point in discussing unless he's willing to move on.

Hoping this is his bottom however, nervous of the journey I may embark upon if I choose to.

It really is useful to understand your mindset, I guess i struggled at first as was thinking rationally.

Hope you are doing very well and keeping strong.

Hi I am new to this. I actually dont have any advise but we have some things in common. I just confirmed that my fiance is using heroin, we have a 4 year old son together. I am scared and very much alone. For the past month I have suspected hes been using some sort of drug and when I confronted him he told me he was taking pain pills for his back. Each time he had a good story to back up his strange behavior. I had to play detective and started searching everything of his. I found needles and texts in his phone proving he was using. I kicked him out only 3 days ago and have not heard from him since. My son misses him and I dont know what to do. I never imagined I would ever have to deal with something like this. Maybe we can help each other.

Maybe you should talk to him and put your facts upfront about him using and see if together you can work towards him getting clean via professional help such as local drug services even if he can get a opiate substitution script at least he will not be sticking needles in his arm. Take a look at this link all about methadone http://helpwithhabit.blogspot.com/p/methadone- information.html

misconfused, I have to add something different to this conversation. My son will take methadone to tide him over till he can get more heroin, meth, percs ,oxys or whatever. He uses methadone to ease the withdrawal till he can get more drugs. So I am just saying dont be fooled if that is all he is using, in Canada you have to have a prescription and go to a clinic daily for your dose if you are serious about not doing drugs. You are also tested for drugs, if you show something you are taken off the program. My son buys his illegally like your boyfriend. Its all very well for him to give you the full story but then what? Unless he is ready for help, and only he can decide that he will continue to lie. If you have any doubts, that gut feeling that he is doing more than you are most likely right. We like to hope so much that they really arent doing it that we will keep giving them chances. Maybe he has hit bottom, that is a personal thing usually involving a major turn in events. My son has overdosed twice, been beat up 3 times involving hospitalization, you would think he had hit his bottom one of those times. I dragged him off to rehab which was a mistake, he only went because he had no where else to go at the time. Good luck on your decisions, stay strong and remember the gut feeling, its seldom wrong.

Islandcat I am beginnning to think you are right... i dont think he WANTS to change... i think he wants to mask it so it may look like it but i dont hear a vulnerable broken man.. more a cocky little boy! His stories still dont match up - he said he got himself off methadone last month and he has been seeing a counsellor a few times who apparently has said he is a strong man and can tell he doesnt want to make that mistkae again... but my boyfriend doesnt talk about a programme... more an ad hoc chat! Its a 121 thing too but no appointments - all sounds a load of crap to me to make me think he is getting better. He still displays selfish behaviour and ideas and nothing just feels right.

How are you getting on... i hope better!!

Ive just had enough... I deserve better than this

I think no matter how much run away your loved ones give you, you have to remember that this is a very strong addiction that will take over their lives and wrap them up in an almost alternative reality they will not realise what they are doing and what they do realise the addiction will give them a reason to do so. I am not saying live with them, put them up, give them money but for as long as you possibly can make sure if they (and only they) decide to really try that you will be there. It can happen in months, years, decades and for some never but most will have a rock bottom point but by then no one wants to know. You can never push an addict into helping themselves it has to be them who make the first move. (This is all from personal experience I am on a methadone program recovering from heroin addiction)