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03/27/2011 03:30 AM

My sons and their addictions...

Posts: 1
New Member

Hi I am new to this group. My oldest son is 21 and an opiate addict - pills. My youngest son (20) is an IV heroin addict and he is in jail waitng to be sent to prison for a 3 yr. sentence.

I have been an enabler and find it very hard not to be.

I don't know where my son will live when he gets out of prison. I've had both my boys in 1/2 way houses in the past and had bad experiences with drugs and alcohol in the houses. I thought I was helping them but when I found out about what was going on I stopped paying and they came home to live with me.

My life became totally unmanageable and the chaos from my boys was killing me. My oldest son is now living with his dad and is pretty much isolating himself from me,he knows I'm more on top of things than his dad is ( re. his drug use).

I try but can't let go - I worry all the time. There is so much addiction in the area we live. My boys have more friends that have died than I have and I'm in my fifties. How do we get through this? How do I cope with my son going to prison? How do they ever get out of the dark hole they dig? My youngest owes thousands of dollars, how do these bills ever get paid? I am so lost in their addictions. I go to counseling and meetings but nothing takes the pain and worry away.


03/27/2011 10:17 AM
Posts: 2581
VIP Member

Hi hopefullinda. I am glad you are here. You might check out "parents of addicts" group as well. I have found it very helpful. I have a son who is also an iv heroin addict, these groups have helped me alot, and gave me the strength not to enable him and make things easier for him to use.

It sounds like you know already how NOT TO ENABLE him, because they are not living with you. Let me tell you one thing, you will never NOT worry, or be concerned for them. You will just learn to accept it, and learn how to live with it. How do you deal with the fact he is going to Prison? Because you know he is SAFE and clean, and not out on the streets where he can get killed. Jail to us Parents of Addicts is a safe house. I'd rather have my son in jail or even rehab, but either place I know he won't be out on the streets and his chances of dying are diminished. Take solace in that fact and maybe he will use this to better himself.

What alot of do here is we learn to let go and give it to God. Once we accept that we are powerless to change or help these addicts, we have learned to give it to a higher power. No one can live with the chaos and destruction that these drug addicts cause, and that is when you learn to detach. That is what most of us Parents have to do is to detach from the addict. That doesn't mean you love them any less, it just means you are detaching from the destruction. We can help you, this group can make you feel better.

Hugs, Shari

03/28/2011 03:00 AM
Posts: 66

my grandma used to say when she was in her 20's they went to weddings and she said justin all you do is go to funerals. i have burried 2 best friends an uncle and a lot of friends to this disease. its so hard for parents to understand that they cant do anything to help an addict get better. it must be hard to be helpless. i know a little how it feels i have tried to get a loved one help when they didnt want it. i actually got blinded and thought i could help when i knew that it was hopeless until they wanted help. my mom would of called the cops on me in a heart beat cause she said when i was in jail she could actually relax cause she knew i was not going to kill myself. i went to jail the one time and called my mom to come bail me out and she said she was busy and hung up on me. i was so pissed i was furious i swore to myself i would never talk to her again. but that didnt last once i realized that there was noone to blame but myself. i was mad cause i didnt get my own way. addicts are so selfish like you said he can get away with more with his dad so he stays away from you. that is exactly what i would do. has your son that is not in jail has he been to rehab at all. has he acknowledged that he has a problem?

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