Heroin Addiction Support Group

Hi, I am new to this. My name is Peggy and my son, Dustin, has been addicted to heroin for over two years. He is 28 years old and at the age of 25 (pre-heroin addiction), he bought his first house, had a new car and a great job as a computer specialist with the public school system. Now he has nothing. Just a little over a month ago, we sent him out of state to a great rehab facility. He was there 30 days and worked the program. The day he got home, I took off work and picked him up at the airport. He started using again that night. I just sent him back to a local rehab facility and he left after only 3 days. I am pretty sure he is using right now. My husband who is not Dustin's father has been extremely wonderful up to now. He is insisting that I have to kick him out. I want to at least give him the benefit of the doubt but I guess I really do have strong denial skills. His biological father was basically a sperm donor so Dustin would have no place to go if I make him leave. Does anyone have any advice for me? I would sure appreciate it.

I know it is a hard choice to make...but you need to tell him to go...I had to do that to my daughter..it was the hardest thing to do...that was 3 years ago..she is still using ..been to 3 rehabs OD twice. They don't care about us...all they care about is the HERION...It has been killing me and my husband to see our daughter do this to herself. She still hasn't hit rock bottom yet... I am sorry but you really need to be tough and don't give him any money too. My daughter was sucessful too...This friday I saw her and it finally hit me...that I can't control her and can't keep tabs on her. I was always going online to see her Facebook...But.. after seeing her.. I now know what she is all about. She has not hit rock bottom yet. Take care, it's been rough on our family too..

it is sad to say but you have to kick him out. the more you do for him the more he will use. if you give him 20 dollars he will get high with it. if you fill his gas tank up that will mean he dont have to use money for gas so he has more money to get high. I bounced from my dads to my moms to my brothers until they all learned what i was about was getting more money and more drugs. lie cheat steal whatever it takes to get that next high. An addict can not be forced to get clean they must want it. my family would say i could live there if i went to rehab so i would go just to get a place to live. once i was out it was right back. this last time i was asking to go i wanted to go. i got out after 19 days in rehab cause my insurance i was asking them to stay i didnt want to leave that quick. dont listen to a word he says its all a con. i feel bad saying stuff i dont know your son but i know addicts and they are all alike. Once i get heroin in me i am not like the person i used to be. it changes everything about me. my appearence my attitude. if i called my dad first thing i siad was can i get some money. he would always be like geez you can say hi first and act like you care about anything other than money. i will answer any questions i been clean 8 months... used heroin for 5 years and oxycontin for a couple.

justin

Buy drug tests online. They are about 3 dollars a piece. If he is clean, he'll take the test. If he using it will show. Then comes the hard part. You have the proof, do you let him stay or kick him out? I test my son every 3 to 5 days. He knows if he comes up dirty he is out of my house. I love him, but I won't watch him kill himself and that is what this drug does.

Everyone's answers are correct. Also, I would just like to add, secure ALL of your items. Jewelry, camera's anything that is important to you. I got a Bank Safety deposit box, for cheap, and put all my jewelry in there. In my safe, I keep camera's, Ipods etc. Anything that can be pawned quickly. Electronics have to be secured, they are easy to pawn....... Secure your items.

Shari

In addition to Slingersss comments...if you put a lock on your bedroom doors, make sure you look the windows also. Don't trust anything they say or do. They will manipulate you at every turn if it gets them what they want.

Hi, i know its hard. Ive pretty much fallen for every lie and manipulation going! My boyfriend (or ex... Im not sure, he's been pretty much awol for 3.5weeks!) keeps professing he is not using and the lengths he goes to deny is incredible! When he used to beg for money his line was transferring £30/40 which doesnt seem too bad, then he calls as says he was overdrawn and can I do it again before i knew it 40 became 120.. then he got mugged!! and couldnt eat or pay for his hotel (worked away) and then if he couldnt be at work he couldnt pay me back the 000's he owed me until pay day. Spiral!!

I subsequently have learnt he used to have loads of time off and when he was supposed to be at work was off somewhere with his brother (a major addict with no intention of getting clean).

I downloaded this and keep reading it... its hard when you know that person wouldnt really leave you in the lurch, they're really kind and genuine etc.... but I have had to realise it is not that person i see anymore.

Hopefully it may help

Keep strong - all I know is that I have been miserable anyway with him so this is not too much different at the moment until he's ready.

"My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.

My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.

My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.

And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again.

Stop being surprised.

I am an addict. And that's what addicts do."

Unfortunately "Jon's" entry is 100% true. I heard all the excuses with my husband....need gas to get to work, need money for new boots, need money for lunch, broke a pane of glass so my check is short...etc, etc, etc. I've even heard the "I got mugged" story...and of course it was on pay day. He KNEW that money was for bills, but it didn't matter. He had the whole elaborate story planned out. He even got mad at me for not asking if he was ok.

The bottom line is this.....an addict will not change until they are ready for it. When the addict wants to be clean, he/she will find a way to finally make it happen. They have to do it for them, not anyone else. Until that day comes, there isn't anything anyone can say to make them see clearly or to make them ready. All we can do is move on with our lives and not become addicted to the addict...as hard as it is.

WOW, I have been giving my Tommy 2.00 a day for the bus to find a job.

But he really seems clean. But tonight when I was doing our laundry

he had 1 shoe lace in the wash. hmmm. I wonder what that was for?

Tina

Also Tommy tells me that he loves me about 5 times a day.

But he still seems clean. Tina