Heroin Addiction Support Group

hi everyone i first wrote my story on here almost 2 years ago now, but just foor u who dont know i amd not a addict but my partner is. we have been together for just over 5 years now and things are still no better. he did get clean for about 6 months then relasped but although i have found texts on his phone to dealers asking for drugs he denys it saying i am paro i know im not i have been with him long enough to know. however all the times before he would eventually admit it and i would get him clean again. but about 3 months ago now i had to sit him down and tell him that while he was on heroin 9 months before i had slept with another man. this was to do with the fact that i really didnt want to be with him at the time due to his smoking. but decided after a chat one day that he would get clean and i would help so he did get clean but then like i say after 6 months clean i sat him down and told him that. to be honest i know it mad him feel like shit but that is no reason to relapse and staRT using again. like i said there are always things in life he will have to deal with he just has to start. but like i say i know at the moment that he is smoking and really think maybe after 5 years is the time for tough love but i worry that he wont realise and i will lose him forever....

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this. His use has surely taken a toll on your relationship and made your own life difficult. No one can be a part of a healthy relationship when they are using drugs. You need to focus on you and your happiness now. It sounds like you do love this man and that you have tried to help him in every way possible. But, he won't get clean for YOU...it has to be for HIMSELF...and maybe losing you will make him realize that he needs to start getting his act together. I know it is a very personal decision that only YOU can make. But, I can feel your pain in your post, and know firsthand what it is like to live with someone in denial for many years. My ex-husband was an alcoholic and my son is now a heroin addict, in recovery. You deserve to be happy too!

lynz0117 - My husband and I were together for 11 years when he started using heroin. He had tried to quit before but didn't succeed, and that was before he would even admit he was using. When he finally did admit he had a problem, he went to a clinic for suboxone. That didn't last long until he was back at it. That's when I moved out with our son (September 2008) b/c I could not make him see he TRULY had an addiction and we deserved better. I had been fighting that battle for two years and was tired of it. About 6 months after we moved out of our house, my husband purposely tried to OD b/c he had finally realized what he had lost and didn't want to deal with the pain. He thought it would be easier to end his life than do the right thing and get clean. Well, even tho he tried to OD, he didn't succeed and that's when he decided he didn't want that life anymore. He started going to a new clinic and has been clean now for over 6 months. We have open discussions (at his request) about his usage and his mindset. We still do not live together b/c it is a slow process and I just don't trust him, but we are trying to make this work. Healing takes time. The good memories are starting to outweigh the bad ones now....slowly.

Do what is right for you....put YOU first. You sound like a nurturer....so nurture yourself. It is hard to do tough love, but it needs to be done so you can try to live your life w/o constantly worrying about your partner. You will lose yourself if you don't put your needs first. Keep us posted. We will be her to support you.

thanks to u both for ur posts. things are still no different my life seems to revolve around my fears of him being back on heroin. i know in my heart he is using again but he has always admitted it soon after i tell him i know, this is not the case now for instence today i went to work at 1800 i called him at about 1900 and his phone rang off i called back and it must have answered in his pocket i heard him and someone else taking but it was muffled the only bit i did heard clearly was him say to the other person "you can have the first line" after continuing to listen he must have realised and cut the phone off i rang back and had a go and told him he needs to pack his bags and get out of my flat he didnt say must. then he called me back 30 mins later and denyed it saying he hadnt said that and i am just paronoid. i know what i heard but yet i am sat here now crying thinking whatr if i am wrong even thou i know im not. my heart breaks for him and for myself but then a big part of me hates him for choosing heroin over me, i wish he could understand how much he is hurting me. i know 100% he loves me so much but he always chooses the drugs. and that is what i cant get my head around. x

I feel for you...really I do. I've been there. My husband was in a car with one of his "friends" and I saw them do it in my driveway while I was watching from the top floor. When I confronted him, he denied it and said I was losing my mind. I KNOW what I saw. I would tape record his conversation on the phone and listen to them everyday. He would speak in code but I knew what it was about. I was always so hurt and heartbroken that he chose the drugs over his family....but remember.....they do NOT think clearly while they are using. Only when they have been clean for a while do they realize what they've done. He's not ready to quit yet. When he's ready, he will do it. He does love you, but as my husband told me...you NEED the drug and take everything else for granted. This doesn't mean there's not hope for your relationship with him. There were a few things my husband hand to do before I would even consider working things out. One - had to be clean for an extended period of time. Two - has to live on his own and be a responsible person. Three - has to stay clean while living on his own. Once he has done these things, then I would CONSIDER working things out. I told him that I just don't trust him and that is something I wasn't sure if he could ever earn back. He will openly admit all the mistakes he's made and that they were his fault...no one elses. He says he won't give up on our marriage and that our son and myself are the most important things to him. I told him we will see. I do make sure I tell him that I am proud of the progress he's making and I try hard not to bring up the past but sometimes things slip out. I do still have alot of anger, but I'm learning to let it go. In the beginning I had the same emotions you are now....sad, betrayed, heartbroken, want to believe but can't, wishing he would see what he's doing and how much it hurts. We hate to see them go through this...yet there is nothing we can do. Not tolerating it is hard but it's what needs to be done. This support group has helped me tremendously since people here have been there or are there. Friends don't seem to understand since they haven't gone through it. We're here for you!

thank you your words are so kind and yes i know what u mean about friends dont really understand they just tell me he cant really love me but they are wrong this much i do know. thanx again for ur support xxx

Anytime. I'm always here to listen! Things will get better.

Hi my name is Lisa and I am a heroin addict and I was with my BF for 2yrs watching him smoke heroin everyday and we had a wee girl and when she was 4mths old I started to use heroin with my BF I done it for a few mths and went for help and was put on methadone I have been with my BF 7yrs now and most of that time he has been using I have relasped about 3times and I think cos I seen him smoking it everyday I was clean for a year just last March and I relapsed on April so now I have put my foot down and told My BF who is also gets methadone that he would have to stop and beat this addiction with me cos I don,t want my daughter to be affected anymore by us using drugs cos she is 5yrs old now and has just started school on Aug last year and her school work was suffering cos of what we were doing so we have stopped using heroin 5wks ago and when you get prescriped mathadone that takes away the withdrawals from heroin it helps get you stable but is also addictive my BF and I need to go to the chemist everyday to get our methadone I have told my BF if he doesn,t change his life I was going to leave him cos I wasn,t put my daughter or myself through it everyday watching him smoke heroin we never had much money even when I was off it cos we would have to buy him a bag and I was fed up living like that cos we have never been on holiday i know it is hard telling him no if he asks for money for it cos you feel sorry for them but I am so glad now I,ve finally got my BF back to normal amd he looks better aswell and our relationship is stronger try giving him an ultamatuim and tell him you don,t want to see him living his life like that cos he is worth sooo much more and you don,t to lose him I also noticed when my BF and I were using we lost our libido and it is common for addicts maybe you BF might have to much time on his hands to think about drugs cos I know when my BF goes to work everyday that doesn,t make him think about it and I also try to keep myself busy so I don,t have a min to think about them you are right your BF is going to have stop looking for excuses to use heroin cos I,ve done that myself and it didn,t help me if he is stressed he is going to have to find other ways to relax I know exactly how you feel send me a pm antime goodluck he really needs to want to beat this addiction and if your give him a ultamatuim that will hopefully scare him enough hope you can help him he would benefit from this site cos he can speak to people who have been through it cos I am so grateful to have such nice people on hear who have helped me and many others with there great support.take care xxxxxxxxx

Lisa...I am happy for you and your BF, and also for your daughter. It has to be horrible to be in recovery and living with someone actively using daily. You sound like you have helped him to get into recovery as well. Good for you for doing what is best for you and your daughter. It will ultimately be the best choice for him as well. I will pray for your family. Tracy

Hi Tracy thanx for your reply how are you feeling just now? I will help you anyway I can, you can send me a message anytime has your BF tried to get prescriped methadone?hope your Bf gets the help and support that he needs and hope things get alot better for both of you the thing about been an addict is you have to WANT to change and do it for you first and formost take care Lisaxxxxxxxx