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12/15/2009 11:50 AM

My boyfriend is addicted to Heroin

Veronica1984
Posts: 2
New Member

I need help....

My boyfriend is getting worse and worse...

I do not know what to do...

He is getting crazy in his addiction waking up the middle of the night smoking it...I am so worried...

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12/30/2009 12:33 AM
michael2k0
Posts: 1
New Member

Hi, my name is Michael. I'm a 21 year old recovering heroin addict. I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. How long have you been with him? How long has he been using heroin?

All facts aside, if he's already into the addiction, the only thing you can do is tell him how much it worries you, and how badly you want him to stop.

In my experience stopping on your own is next to impossible. I did it a couple of times throughout the years but never made it longer than a 2-3 months without a relapse. AA/NA aren't for everyone but they are a HUGE help in getting out of the lifestyle.

First he has to decide that HE really wants to be sober. If he doesn't want to, it's not gonna happen.

After this the next biggest obstacle for me was that everyone I knew and had associated with for the last several years were all drug users. I was surrounded. All of my activities and day plans revolved around getting high. This is where NA/AA were a huge help for me. I've met people through these programs that had found out how to have fun without being on drugs all the time.

I have to say this though, if he refuses to quit, don't let him drag you down with him. You can support him from outside of your relationship. Even if you're not seeing him still, you can still be friends with him and support him. Having an addict as your significant other takes a lot out of you.

After I finally got clean last year, my girlfriend of about a year was still using. I finally had to leave her because her constantly bringing drugs and paraphernalia around was causing me to relapse. Not to mention her habit was ruining me financially as I was the sole provider of income for the two of us.

I still see her, and support her all I can to help her get clean, even to the point of paying for her clinic visits. I know she is still using even though she is on a maintenance program, but suboxone maintenance is what finally helped me get clean, so I'm hoping it will help her as well.

If he does make the decision to quit, just be prepared that it's not going to happen over night. Even after he 'quits' he will most likely 'slip' or 'relapse' a few more times. Don't beat him up for this, just tell him that he needs to be honest with you when it happens, and as long as they are few and far between, and becoming less frequent over time, progress is being made.

The brain doesn't heal over night. However the less you use the less and less you crave it, until finally you barely ever think about it and sobriety finally makes sense. It took me about 6 months of slips before I finally realized that the drugs were not worth it. Not even if I could stick to 'occasional usage'.

The former is not medical advice, just some random experiences, and thoughts about what I've been through.

The best thing you can do is talk to him, and get him to talk to a doctor who deals in people with addiction problems.

If I could go back and do it all over again, I think I would have gone to an inpatient program for as long as I could of afforded to. I never did an inpatient rehab program, but being away from the world where you were using for an extended period of time seems like it would help immensely. Effectively I think it would have given me a few months to get used to not having the drugs, and start feeling good again before I had to take on my life full time again.


01/11/2010 12:55 PM
lilsqueaker
Posts: 13
New Member

hey,

i am in the same situation. and my boyfriend smokes it as well.

from the moment i found out i told him that nomatter what i still loved him just the same and it didnt change how i thought of him but that i did really hope that he would one day soon get clean because i know that he is strong enough to do so. that it is an addiction and no longer by choice and i understand that and that i will support him threw everything and never give up on him. i talked about how our relationship would be better once he was clean because we could spend more time together. that i know that his mom(who passed away) would love to see him get clean as well.

i also did all the research on methadone since he said he wouldn't want to leave me and go to rehab. and told him if he wanted to detox himself(since he said he refused to go to a center) that i would set it up here and be here to help him threw it or he could stay with a friend. although home detox can be dangerous because they are wayyy to sick to care for themselves and detoxing can bring out the absolute uglyness in someone.

i never pushed him into getting clean i let him know i was 100% in his corner and i talked to him about geting clean a few times a month..

you need to be prepared that he may say he will go simply to shut you up or get you off his back, that you shouldn't get your hopes up untill hes actually done so,and that he may very well relapse once he dose get clean.

the good thing is that smoking generally is easyer to stop than shooting, and im pretty sure u cant overdose because if u smoke more than your body can handle u will just get sick.

my boyfriend is up all hours of the night.. he never sleeps much.

He told me he was going to get on methadone today....we will see. i pray and i hope he is telling me the truth and that he dose. because then he will at least be on the road to recovery.....one step closer...

best of luck. and feel free to msg me anytime since we both are in the same situation.


02/23/2012 09:51 PM
daiseylove6
Posts: 1
New Member

my boyfriend is addicted. and has been for ab 2 years.

i found out the first time about 5 months ago..

next thing i know i come home and he is withdrawing. little did i know that he had started back.

i am pretty niave when it comes to this subject. i know he is still using now and i knew when he was using. if i bring it up he gets very mad at me and i end up feeling bad for asking, even though i know 99% that he is doing it. i find his straws and little balls of aluminum foil and leave them out so he knows that i found them.

I was completely shocked at all this. since i have never wanted to put my self in any with kind of stuff at all

it is now the second time i am helping him come off it. its breaking me. i know he is lying to me daily. he is sketchy and i feel as if i really dont even know him anymore because the person i feel in love with 4 years ago wouldnt do the stuff he does now. i sometimes feel my self resenting him

im numb to this now and i dont know what to do...

Please help!


03/07/2012 09:17 AM
Sunsign73
Sunsign73  
Posts: 614
Member
I'm an Advocate

This is my story! I was there! I was constantly walking on eggshells so I would make him mad because I felt bad if he was mad at me.

You have every right to ask the questions you do. He isn't giving you a choice by doing what he does. He's being selfish, which is what an addict is. You have the right to NOT want that crap in your life, so don't let him make you feel bad or guilty for asking about it. He gets mad because he knows he shouldn't be doing it. It's taking it out on you so he doesn't have to face it himself. It gives him a reason to go get high.

Resentment is when the damage really starts sticking with you emotionally. Resentment causes so many other emotions.....anger, bitterness, loathing etc. Been there...done that. I'm still there! My advice, go seek counseling for yourself to learn how to process all the emotions that come with this. I didn't for YEARS and when I finally broke down, my counselor said I was a ticking time bomb and any tiny little thing could be the trigger. My personality changed....I went from being a happy, bubbly, positive person to negative, pessimistic and lethargic. I had no patience for anything or anyone. I was always mad, which irritated me. I couldn't take myself anymore. I didn't like the person I was becoming so I sought help....and I'm so glad I did. It's taken me 2 years of counseling to get to where I am today. I'm better, but not like I was before. I never will be. Being with an addict changes you...permanently.

Don't wait for things to get better, or for him to bottom out. Bring the bottom up to him. Nothing will change as long as it's comfortable for him. Put your needs first. Decide if this is the kind of life you want to live, and if not, then decide what changes you need to make. Don't let his addiction run your life. Break your addiction to the addict. It's hard, but it needs to be done for YOU!


03/08/2012 05:46 AM
nearly82
nearly82  
Posts: 13
Member

Totally agree with every1s posts,he will need 2 WANT 2 stop,u cant force it on him,like ive tried 2 do with my kids dad Sad but u can get out of the relationship,which will be hard,just think how great ur life could be without that in it,plus lifes too short! I wish my babies father could turn & say 2 me he wants 2 stop but right now i know he wont,i wish i could kidnap him&tie him 2 my hoover Smile lol Seriously though it will only get worse,thats 8mths ago i had 2 ask him 2 leave even though i knew it would probably make him worse but i had 2 think of myself&my kids! He still takes money from me 4 it,cause im too scared 2 say no&im scared he will lose his job or end up in jail! Its horrible but usually before an addict will give up they have 2 hit rock bottom! X x x

03/16/2012 04:05 PM
Kat22
 
Posts: 53
Member

Hey all, my partner is also an addict, he has been for 19 years, hes 33 and im 23. I have been with my partner for 3 years, loved him for 10!

I knew that when we started dating eachother he was a heroin addict but to be honish, i didnt really know all that much about it or how addicted he was/is. For the first 9 months i didnt see or was told about the drugs, it wasnt really spoke about until 1 day he was on the phone to a friend of his and they were talking bout having a smoke together.

From then on i told him i was fine about it all and that if we were going to be together he has taken on my daughter and ill take on his baggage too!

Thats when he slowly started to tell me what he was doing, when he was doing it etc but by this time it was WAY too late, i was already heavily in love with him.

3 years on we have had ups and downs, lost 3 babies together and he discovered he is a father to a 12 year old girl and i stuck by him through this. He went to prison for driving, had and still to this day he has mates over nearly everyday and i have still stuck by him but i have recently in the last few days discovered how lonely i am!!! Its like being a single parent, he sleeps alday, smokes all night, theres no intamacy between us and im finding it hard to stay in the same room as him and not have an attitude. The easy thing for me to do is to walk away but i dont want to, i just want him too make more of an effort! I have not and will not ask him to give up smoking because i know he will then start to lie to me about it as he will believe that he is trying to protect me when he will only be lying to me.

I feel like im stuck in a rut.

Also, i was in a 5 year extremely violent relationship on my ex's half so i believe that i have got better and im not really sure what a relationship is ment to be like, i never had a father role model either!!!!

Thanks for reading this x


03/17/2012 04:44 PM
crawlingbacktostart
crawlingbacktostart  
Posts: 1101
Senior Member

Kat, sorry to hear about your situation. I can't say I have a helluva lot of experience in relationships or trying to help a loved one quit,I'm just as a recovering heroin addict myself. Does he have the resources to maintain his habbit on his own?

03/20/2012 01:50 AM
Pen125
Pen125Posts: 177
Member

Hi Kat, if I understood correctly you have a daughter living with you.

Being in love makes us blind, I totally get that, but I would like to ask you this:

How comfortable are you with your daughter being around a heroin addict?

Your post is all about you, your love for your partner and his love for heroin.

Does your daughter fit anywhere in the picture?

If I'm missing out something, just ignore my post.

If not, I'd be very interested to know why you let your child grow up in this environment.


03/21/2012 09:34 AM
Sunsign73
Sunsign73  
Posts: 614
Member
I'm an Advocate

Oh boy Kat. There are so many things I could say, but I'm not. Each person makes their own choices, and has to live with them. Love is a very strong emotion and it inhabits us from making decisions that need made.

I am in the process of divorcing my husband, who is a recovering heroin addict. It's a long story full of ups and downs...more downs than anything else. I moved out of our house in 2008 because his addiction took over everything in MY life. I decided I no longer had room for his addiction and that my son and I deserved better. I refused to leave my husband alone with our son because I didn't trust him. I bought him a brand new truck right before I found out about his addiction. He wrecked that truck 3 weeks after I bought it....and 3 more times over the course of the year. He would nod off while driving and hit parked cars or whatever was in the way. He was completely unsafe and irresponsible...so there was no way in hell I was entrusting my son's life to him.

I took my husband back in January of 2011 because he had been clean for over two years. Well, 6 months after he moved in with me, he relapsed and started sliding back into his old selfish ways.

I tried to make it work with him knowing full well he could relapse. I gave him a chance to earn my trust and respect back...but yet again he threw it out the window. He has caused to much damage to our marriage for me to ever forgive all the horrible things he's done and the hell he put my son and myself through.

I only have distain for him now, so as hard as it is, I am divorcing him. I've tried everything...and nothing worked. I think he still uses from time to time because my gut is telling me he is. I can't be apart of it, and I won't allow my son to be a part of it either.

My advice....put your child FIRST. I know you love him, but your child depends on you to protect her. She deserves better than an addict as a role model.

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