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04/26/2012 12:10 PM

He's going away for rehab. How to cope?

Posts: 21

Posting this in curiosity of if there are any women or men out there that have had their significant other go away for months for an inpatient rehab? I've known that it was coming for quite some time, but now it's coming up really fast. My fiance will find out Monday when he is going, and it could be as soon as next Wednesday when he has to leave, or at the latest the Monday after.

It may sound stupid, but I've spent almost 4 years without going more than a day away from this man. I've suffered with him, we've been through thick and thin with this addiction and just real life in general. We have a kid together. So, now what? I can't stand being away from him for most of a day. How the heck am I going to do 2-3 months? He won't get passes to leave until his second month there and even then it's only for a few hours.

I'm terrified. I don't know what to do. So much of my life has revolved around him and especially battling his addiction.

So how do I cope? I try to get my mind off of things but I just can't. Will it get better with time? Will it stop hurting?

I try to remind myself that this is for the best and it's good for him and he needs to do it. Part of me feels better on that note, but part of me is still hurting over the whole thing.

What about our son? I know my kid is only almost 3, but he's smart enough to notice that his father is suddenly gone...

Any help from anyone who has been through it or has any ideas would help. Trust me, if it were as easy as "doing something I love" or "Getting a hobby", it's pointless. I have anxiety like no other and I'm love sick.

....I know other women do this all the time, especially army wives and whatnot, being without their husbands. How do I get through this? I'm a wreck.

In the end I know he needs it and has it worse than me. Whether I'm justified to feel the way I do is another matter, but I really do feel this way.


04/26/2012 01:36 PM
Pen125Posts: 177

Good luck to your fiance

Post edited by: Pen125, at: 04/26/2012 01:43 PM

04/29/2012 11:23 AM
Posts: 331
I'm an Advocate

My husband went to rehab for a little over a month and I have to be honest it was wonderful. I no longer worried if he would make it home or if I would come home and find him passed out or me wondering if he was telling the truth when I questioned him. I slept peacefully each night knowing he was in a safe place. But what I actually did while he was gone was I first cleaned the house top to bottom throwing out anything that reminded me of his addiction and I mean under the sofa cushions, etc. I also attended Alanon meetings (they are not just for wives, etc of alcoholics) and I also went to the family sessions at the treatment facility to get help for me because I was drained and needed as much help as my husband did from living with his addiction. I read lots of books too. If you haven't read Codependent No More by Beattie go pick one up. It was like my Bible and I read it cover to cover the first day and still go back and read parts of it to this day. Also at the treatment facility there was a support group for us while they were in treatment. It helped a lot to talk and listen to others in our situation and hear how they managed to hold it together while they were in treatment and when they got out.....if they don't have one Alanon is basically the same thing. You can do this just take it day by day (just like he is) but most importantly take time to relax and regain your strength because it isn't just over once they get home. Trust was a huge issue for me and even 3 years later I still wonder if he's up to no good again. As far as your kids, depending on their age, speak with their pediatrician and even go see a child psychologist or psychiatrist and ask for their advice. Just don't lie to them if you don't want to tell them the exact facts just tell them Daddy is gone for awhile because he needed some help and will be home soon. They can write or draw him pictures and send them to him (if they allow this) which inturn hopefully help him to see why he is doing the right thing by getting clean.

Good luck and feel free to PM me anytime, it's tough but be thankful he is getting the help he needs just remember to work on yourself too!! Take care

04/30/2012 04:39 AM
Posts: 181

Well, I've been the one doing the club rehab thing, four times actually. What I DO know is addiction, more specifically heroin addiction. Here's how I see this, use this time for YOURSELF!!! Being the spouse of an active addict is quite possibly one of the most draining jobs out there, that's why no one wants it, LOL. Utilize this time to help yourself here, getting stuck in the co-dependent role has gotta stop for his recovery as well as your own. It's very easy to get stuck in the loop of saving the addict from themselves, you get emotionally addicted to trying to fix them. And you end up completely ignoring your own needs and feelings.

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