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04/09/2012 01:09 PM

The other woman (HEROIN)

Posts: 21

I am 22 years old and have been with my fiance for almost 4 years now. We also have a 2 year old son. My fiance had been doing drugs since he was 9 years old. I know some things that had happened in his past involving his parents and being raised in day care still bother him and were part of his reason to begin drugs. I met him through my job at a restaurant. At this point, I was young & when I first saw him I melted. I HAD to have him. I knew that this was the person I was meant to be with.

Judge me or not, it happened regardless. I was pregnant a few weeks after we started dating. At the time, I wasn't worried. Come on, he had been to rehab over 4 times and was still on probation getting drug tested weekly. How bad could it be? I told him that during my pregnancy he was not to do any drugs including marijuana, even! HE LISTENED. Most likely more because of probation than my wishes. I thought it was over and we could have a life together...

My son was 3 months old when we moved away from our families together for my fiance to attend school. He searched for a job but they were scarce, so I found a lousy job that let us just scrape by on the bills. I worked all day every day and things got hard and he was left watching the baby. This is when he became miserable. We had no money and he was home with a little baby all day. I felt bad but if I quit working we would have been screwed. The first few months went well. Then suddenly he would forget to pick me up from work because he would pass out into a super deep sleep. I'd run home in the snow or rain thinking something happened to him and my son. I didn't have my license at the time or a car. Then he started smoking pot again. I thought it was OKAY! WHAT A HUGE MISTAKE! Soon after, pot wasn't good enough.

Then came the xanax...and the painkillers... He kept talking me into it saying that it was okay and that was ALL HE WOULD EVER DO. Thinking back I can't even imagine myself falling for that. He even stated several times "The only drug I would NEVER do again is heroin because I tried it once and I liked it too much and I'd never try it again because our family means too much to me". ALL of a sudden, he needed to go back to where we came from EVERY weekend. A 3 hour drive. That adds up when you are broke to begin with. He would take me to my moms, boot me out of the car with my son, and be gone for hours. We moved back home after his schooling and thats when it started.

He started hanging out with a girl that I despise. I knew she was into hard drugs and didn't want him getting into it.. He started asking for money even though he had a job. I was and still AM paying ALL THE BILLS. And he had not a dime to spare to help me with the baby or bills. It started at about 20 dollars a day, then turned into 40, then 60. Because I was working 2 jobs with a day off every month and a half if that to unknowingly support his habit, I didn't realize things had gotten so bad. I was just trying to do what was best for our kid and keep the bills paid and food on the table.

Then... I ran out of money. His mom ran out of money.. and he got very sick. He wouldn't even be able to get out of bed. He would sweat all night until he was soaked and would wake up and throw up and cry in bed until someone gave him money. I was scared. He was on edge and would snap at me when I'd try to help him in any way without handing him money. I didn't want my kid around him so I began to wake up and hurry out of the house, because by this time I had a car, and he had no interest in me or my son anyway.

A few times I saw syringes falling out of his pockets or cut up pop cans but he would always tell me that he would never do that to me and that his friends must have left it in his car. His phone rang off the hook, and he would be out on the bad side of town refusing to leave until someone gave him his "painkillers". He would tell me elaborate lies about how he needed money to fix his car or that someone robbed him. That's the thing about addicts, they are AMAZING LIARS. The parafanilia of course, was "his friends".

He finally got tired of being sick and asked me to look into a suboxone clinic for treatment. He told me when calling to tell them that he was on heroin but not because he was actually on it, but because they wouldn't just treat him for painkillers alone. I knew what was coming. Somehow my heart overpowered my mind and I wanted to believe him so bad that I let myself fall for his lies. My grandparents sent me a check to help with bills and I used it to pay for his treatment because it wasn't cheap in the least. I drove him there, picked him up and took him to several other doctors he needed to see, and FINALLY after we got back into the car and stopped for food I told him "I already know you are using heroin." He rolled up his sleeves and for the first time since I've met him I walked away from him broken hearted beyond repair and I DID NOT CARE if he followed me. In fact, I didn't want him to. I lost a part of myself that day I will never get back.

----It's now going on 3 months since the beginning of the program. The first 2 months went great, but now I am once again finding syringes and pop cans. He tells me he doesn't like the way the suboxone makes him feel. I can't trust him. He began borrowing money again, but this time I'm too smart. I've told everyone to cut him off. I do not want it to spiral out of control again. He's began lying again. He's getting sick again. He expects me not to see whats right in front of my eyes. His dealer is calling again, and the girl he used with... I find syringes in his car, which he swears are someone elses. I feel like absolute garbage. I've been depressed every day. I don't have the money he's asking for and yesterday for the FIRST TIME EVER he told me to get out of his way or he'd hit me. That was after throwing a chair and other things. He has never ever been violent before. I want him to admit to me that he's using but he swears up and down that he's not. I know it helps nothing to assume. So, what do I do from here? How do I stop this before it gets out of hand without him being ready to admit it to me again? My family is falling apart..


04/10/2012 01:30 AM
Pen125Posts: 177

Take your son and RUN.

There is absolutely nothing you can do for your fiance. He has been using since he was 9 years old, his brain never had a chance to grow normally, he has lived his whole life through and with drugs. What did you expect sweety? A miracle to happen?

This is dead serious. You have a child and addiction is hereditary even if it's only the father who is using. Eight out of ten children born to addicts and raised in a using environment, develop addiction. They are not simply prone to addiction, they develop addiction.

You seem like a brave, kind and courageous person. You have managed to provide for your family, even though you've been through thick and thin with your addict. This is not something everyone can do.

This is a time to ask for help. Not for him, but for you and your son. You're mature enough to realise that the addict in your fiance is not ready to leave. It's only up to him. And it's up to you, to protect yourself and your son.

Post edited by: Pen125, at: 04/10/2012 01:56 AM

04/10/2012 03:08 PM
Posts: 181

Honey, I've BEEN there myself. I'm a recovering heroin addict myself, and free from all opiates since 12/10/11. You are ENABLING his junkie ass. STOP!!! You DON'T deserve this, and neither does your little one. I heard alot of my excuses and bullshit in your story, and I gotta tell you, I don't feel too good right now, so that's WHY I'm sharing what I know about this shit. The line of crap about the xanax and pain meds, I've used that one myself, and all the pain meds do is potentiate the xanax, it's a substitute for heroin, plain and simple. It makes you do the NOD something fierce and it's kinda like heroin when you don't have the money for it. I'm NOT one for ultimatums, but he either gets it together, or you WALK. it's THAT simple. It's time for you to enforce some tough love on his ass. So far he hasn't really suffered any consequences for his bad choices and actions, and him THREATENING you is BULLSHIT. It's about time he end up homeless and drugless to understand WHAT his choices are doing for him. The crankiness and sickness you were referring to are WITHDRAWL from heroin. It's HORRID and NASTY, but if you really want to stick by him, Kratom is a wonderful tool, I used it when I was detoxing, it takes alot of the sting outta the W/D's, and it's CHEAP. Suboxone works, you just have to WANT it, and it kinda sounds like he's not really ready to give up the life, of course ppl said the same about me, and I did it, haven't used Heroin since 09/05/09 but I did continue on the pain med path as your man has, and that was the WORST one of all to give up. He's fighting this for some reason, perhaps figuring out WHY, would be a start, it would give you the knowledge and it would give him the avenue of non judgement. Sometimes you have to handle an addict with kid gloves, put the anger on a shelf for a little bit, and reserve judgement, and just LISTEN. I'm here if you need anything. Hugs, Heather

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