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04/05/2012 03:35 AM

Understanding how to help an recovering Heroin Add

Ivanka0218
 
Posts: 4
New Member

I have met a truely wonderful man about 4 months ago. He is an recovering heroin addict and has been clean for the last 8 years. He is an NA councilor and is active in helping his sponcors aswell.

He recentlydeveloped a stomach ulcer due to stress and not eating well and for that he got pain medication. The pharmacist gave him pain medication containing codeine and for an ex heroin addict codeine should be avoided. (he knew this when he was handed the medication)

He stoped taking his anti depresant medication and started taking more and more of the pain medication, up to a point where it is now out of hand and he realised that this is a dangerous situation to be in. Taking far to many pain medication on a daily basis and he is becoming depandant on them.

I have never had an addiction problem so i am trying to understand and to support him. Is there any advice you can give me on living with an recovering heroin addict? He attended a NA meeting last night and have decided to check himself into a detox clinic over the next few days. i just want to give him support and understanding but i need more information regarding this. PLEASE help.

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04/05/2012 10:03 AM
sadmom99
sadmom99  
Posts: 331
Member
I'm an Advocate

While he is attending NA, you could go to Alanon or Naranon meetings to learn and get support for you. Glad he is checking into a detox clinic and hopefully he will keep up with NA meetings too. I'm assumming he felt after so many years being clean, he could take the prescription and not relapse? Seems like even with the ulcer problem something else was going on because he stopped taking his anti depressants too? I don't know I'm probably overthinking it all, I'm an expert at that, lol. Anyway, hopefully you will check out the meetings and also ask a lot on here and also you might want to join the Parents of Addicts support group on here too (you don't have to be a parent). Both of these groups are so supportive and kind. Keep posting and let me/us know how he is doing and more importantly you!! Take care

04/05/2012 10:49 AM
fleabag73
fleabag73  
Posts: 181
Member

I'm a recovering heroin addict too, two and a half years free from it today actually! However, opiates were my DOC and I got into SOOOOO much shit from RX pain meds, it's how I wound up strung out on dope. What the pain pills were to me was a substitute for heroin. I have had a cpl of medical things come up and I WAS given opiates, but today I hand the RX over to my husband IMMEDIATELY, and he gives them to me RESPONSIBLY, cuz if it were up to me I'd do the exact same thing your BF did.

04/09/2012 01:29 PM
LGPNY
LGPNY  
Posts: 21
Member

He has already taken a great step with deciding to detox. I'm no doctor, but I am living with a recovering addict as well. I keep close watch on his behavior. If he starts getting sick, falling asleep out of nowhere, spending large amounts of money with nothing to show for it, getting angry more easily, or being secretive with his phone or whereabouts, I know the trouble is coming. Let him know that you support him and are happy that he has chosen to detox, as recovery works the best when someone is READY to get treatment. If you find anything suspicious, don't assume (THIS IS A HARD ONE FOR ME!). Ask him about it and give him a fair chance to explain or come clean. Don't badger him. He has to be ready for things to improve. I go to meetings with my fiance as much as he would like. That way I can better understand. For yourself, have reasonable expectations. Heroin isn't something that people recover from quickly. It's quite a process and other drugs do not help. Luckily, my fiance usually goes to the hospital with someone, and if myself or his mother are there we will tell them no narcotics and no benzos. I'd rather have him hate me than spiral into addiction again. I'd say other than that, just try to love him and if he is up for talking about it, let him tell you about addiction or detox. Sometimes having them describe the agony of withdrawal can be a good reminder to them how hard it was to start recovery the first time around. Also, research online. So much great information. The more you know, the easier it is. Emotionally? It may never be easy.

04/10/2012 12:03 AM
Ivanka0218
 
Posts: 4
New Member

Thank you so much for all your support messages. it really helps to understand how difficult this addiction is. Unfortunately things took a turn for the worse. The codiene wasnt working anymore and on Thursday instead of checking into rehab he had a relapse and started using Heroin again. I am soooooo dissapointed.. He has been clean for 8 years and now this had to happen. I realise that he will always be a recovering addict I am just so angry at the moment. Our whole Easter weekend was ruined... I know that Heroin doesnt ask when where and how and it takes over. He used for the thursday only he said but a rather large amount. After that he stayed with his parents for a few days.. and have been going to NA meeting daily (so he says) he is not in rhab and he thinks he can do cold turkey on his own..... is this absurd? At the moment he doesnt want to see me or actually have any contact with me.. he says he needs to be alone and "clean up this mess" he gets rather annoyed with me if i ask him how he is doing and if he is ok... at his point i dont know what to do and the trust is really taken a knock now as i dont believe him at the moment.... where to from here I dont know. Any advice on what i can do?

07/03/2012 11:23 AM
Rosslyn7
Posts: 1
New Member

In all reality a question need to ask your self is if you are willing to do this for the rest of your life? (He may get out of this crisis but is not a guarantee that he will not fall into it again.) Can you live with the disappointment for ever? Do you love him enough? If not this is the time to say goodbye before you get more attached to him and then really get hurt=)

You are in a crossroad. Hope you choose what is best for YOU!!! (As women we tend to think of everyone else except for ourselves sometimes)

I tell you all this from experience=)

-Rosslyn


07/03/2012 03:27 PM
razkal1986
razkal1986  
Posts: 20
Member

Sorry to say but there's not much you can do for him...The only one that can "clean up this mess" is him, and it sounds like he's in the midst of a "run" where he's gonna keep using until the money runs out, gets busted, or worse...Been there, done that!! Who knows, he may snap out of it but it's a 50-50 shot. If he gets annoyed at you for asking about him and he doesn't want to see you, chances are he just wants to use and not be bothered. Rosslyn is right...Your relationship is only 4 months old; you may be only seeing the tip of the iceberg. Do you want to deal with this from now on? Only you know how strong your relationship is; give him a chance to straighten himself out or give him the boot... I hate to sound so pessimistic but I've been using for 25 years and stayed single so I wouldn't subject any woman through it. I would love to be in a relationship and I've been terribly lonely but I know it won't work till I get it together and finally stop for good. I pray it works out for the best for you...Take care of number one...YOU first!! David

07/03/2012 11:57 PM
Ivanka0218
 
Posts: 4
New Member

Hi Everybody

Its been a while since i posted here. Thank you for all the replies and the genuine heartfelt replies. The last time i posted i was still at a crossroad as to which direction will I go... will I stay and help (or try to support in any way i can) or do i move on. He is been in and out of rehanb over the last 3 months and constantly relapses. He has lost his job and his home.... I have ended my relationship with him as it was turning me into a living zombie never knowing whats was going to happen from one moment to the next. I still have contact with him from time to time but i realise that i cant help him as much as i want to. He is going into rehab again today and after the detox he will then complete a month of tertiary treatment. He left me with the following message

" I have been struggling to stay clean and keep my job. I have been binge using and then using Subutex to get off and stay clean. But the on off sobriety is taking its toll: making me physically sicker and weaker, increasing my anxiety and depression and making the medication prescribed by my doctor and psychiatrist ineffective. It got so bad that I've been dreaming of and thinking of ending it all by not being alive anymore - the devil inside my head tells me that all the horrible feelings will go away and that my family and loved ones will be better off without me causing all this hurt and worry in their lives. Yes, they will feel pain and loss and mourn for a while, but that will pass and then they can be free and get on living happy lives."

I love this man with all my heart but i guess love is not enough. As with most things time heals allot of things.... i hope xxxxx


07/04/2012 01:43 AM
Pen125
Pen125Posts: 177
Member

I'm sorry... The fact that he's had 8 years of clean time says a lot about him, though. I don't think it's a 50-50 thing. Or maybe, I'm just too optimistic, I don't know..

However, what I wanted to say is that our love for our addict has nothing to do with his/her overcoming addiction as if love is a magic trick that can fool addiction.

Loving "enough" so as to live a life of angst, fear, frustration and, yes, resentment, is a no-no concept in my book. It looks more like codepedency, if you will, to me.

It's good you've distanced yourself from him. He's in a dark place and in order to gradually start climbing up, he needs to want it. Knowning that you don't judge him will help him, though. No matter what you decide in the future about your relationship, it's good to let him know exactly why you "left" him [actually, he left himself] and that you don't look down upon him.


07/19/2013 01:46 AM
Ivanka0218
 
Posts: 4
New Member

Hi Everybody,

It's been a year since a last posted anything here.....

Well overdue to post again.

All I can say is what a total mad and crazy time this has been.

I was hopelessly in love with a man that was in and out of Rehab clinics to be precise 9 times over the last time.... each time the Heroin takes over and then it's just a downward spiral from there.....lying about it, pretending that he is not using when he is,,,, saying he is sick due to a stomach bug hell I have heard it all.

Not being an addict myself I don't know the hell it must be to have a Heroin addiction so I am not judging him at all just voicing on how destructive this can be for anybody in a relationship where addiction is so strong. Our relationship was like the "Bieber and Selena" on off on off on off on off etc. etc..............

On when he is clean and off when he is not. I haven't had any contact with him over the last 8 months (I got a message from him saying he met a woman in the rehab and they clicked they got engaged and I should not contact him) I was heartbroken but I had no choice but to move on and just let things be.....

Up until 2 weeks ago I started to get emails from him.... not one word was spoken about the new fiancé and I haven't asked what the situation is... He is writing me emails in which he said he is so sorry for being so inconsiderate, sorry for hurting me and he regrets treating me really badly.... He doesn't want to be that man anymore and he has made a massive mistake regarding us.......

Frankly I don't know what to make from all of this (hence me for posting here again) I need sober clear advice. Is this just all words from a master manipulator that knows I love him dearly or is it just a guilty conscience?

I don't know if he is still involved... he has mentioned nothing about wanting to see me again..... his email stated "he doesn't know what he want out of life yet, for now he is keeping things simple and getting work back on track... is it sceptical of me to think how long this will last before the next Heroin binge again?

In my mind to me it is clear that if you have made a mistake there is always time to fix it there is always a way to show the person that you have hurt that you are truly sorry not just in words but by your actions...... maybe it is a fantasy world I live in.....

if I was really that important to him he would show it I would have to second guess it or be alone over a weekend and not see him right? I sometimes wonder if love is enough to keep your convictions strong at times. How does one let go of this person?

Please give me your thoughts on this.

Ivanka

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