Heroin Addiction Support Group

When my family would start making the negative comments, I would stop them and say "even though he's made terrible mistakes, he is still my husband". I made it perfectly clear that I was not going to sit and bash him because that negativity is not what I need. I need positive reinforcement and need supportive people around me. I also told them that they have no idea what it's like to go through this since they are not me. Each time they started in on the negative comments, I would simply say "I'm not discussing this" and would walk away. They got the point after a few times. Now they finally see the change for themselves and they can't be more proud of him. It's all compliments instead of bashing now. It just takes time.

That's great to hear. Nothing is worse for an addict in recovery who is really trying just to be constantly be shot down. The shelter from the storm is there, I promise. I've seen it. I think you're about to meet me there.

You have enough stress on your plate without having to hear about it from anyone else. Neither one of you will ever be the way you used to be. You need to focus on your marriage and gaining some trust again. People on the outside don't understand and it's very easy for them to say what they would or wouldn't say/do. I used to tell my friends/family that they couldn't possibly understand how difficult this is since they have never been in my shoes. I made it clear to them that insulting my husband was not going to help the situation but only alienate me and make me feel worse. Be open with them. They do not have the right to hurt you...you are going through enough right now. They need to understand that you need support more than anything. We're here for you!

Thank you all of you for your posts and support! It means the world to me to have others that can relate and completely understand what I am going through because you have gone through the same; just with a diffent husband than mine! Honestly, I have conveyed to my family countless times that their negativity and comments DON'T help me and that they only cause me to feel shame and pretty much not want to be around them because I don't want to hear it or feel the pain from their horrible comments and "advice". They still do it though... I think at this point, it's just easier to not be too involved with the negative people and continue to be more involved with the positive.

I have the best friends in the world. They are all supportive and love me and my husband. My family is not that great and don't understand addiction or much of a lot of things, really. Sometimes, I think I was adopted

I do have some good news though... my husband has been several job interviews and got a call back today that he is hired for one of the positions he interviewed for. This is a huge step to continuing on the right path for him and ultimately, it takes a huge load off my shoulders.

Lately, him and I have been much closer because I am giving myself the chance to accept the fact that it is okay to let my guard down and have some faith in him. He looks clean and acts clean, so chances are he is and it's okay for me to trust him.

I just pray that things keep getting better so that him and I can be another success story.

It's amazing how a little bit of faith and positivity can make life so much brighter.

Getting a job will give him confidence also. He will feel like he's making a positive contribution to the family, which will help him.

I surrounded myself with positive and supportive people because that's what I needed. I had enough negativity and didn't need anymore of it. If someone continued with the negative comments/advice, I put distance between me and them. They eventually got the picture.

It seems to me that if you're moving past it (trying anyway) and your husband is doing well, that your family can bugger off. :-D I had to cut out a good number of people for awhile too and I've found that I don't miss them or their negative comments. I just got tired of explaining all the time and walked away when they kept defying my requests to knock it off.

I chose to have faith until my husband gave me a reason not too and he hasn't done it yet. I know to be cautious, but not guarded. We are the happiest and closest we have ever been and there is no longer a big white elephant in the room. I'd have that check direct deposit, so you don't have to worry about him running around town with enough cash to load up for a month, but faith is a good thing. Congrats to him for the new job and for taking back the life he should have always had.

"Faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe."

~Voltaire

sp

Thank you again. I am trying to be positive and you know what... it is a hell of a lot easier to get along without the added stress of negative people (even if some happen to be family).

I work as an accountant/CPA in my day job. I can tell you that many people, even those without addiction issues are having problems and that stress is making other problems seem worse. I feel to a certain extent we are in difficult times that make all problems harder to deal with. So hang in there and try to build that trust and realize many people are in the same boat now. Also think outside of the box in terms of ways to make additional money.

In the recession of the early 90s I started a second business which still earns good money today. I also started selling on Ebay in 2005 and people are even doing things like dog walking, house cleaning, running tag sales etc. One recovering addict I know actually gives people rides around town for errands and developed a niche driving trailers with small boats on them when people get too lazy to do it themselves.

I am sorry you are so stressed. Although this will sound corny, try to make sure you have time to yourself, some relaxation time in your weekly plan and practice breathing deeply perhaps in a yoga fashion to help with the stress.

I wish you the best

Marty

Thank you Marty. Things are starting to get progressively better day by day. My husband is starting a part time job next week and it's something that he really likes.

I need to get back into yoga and pilates. Both were great stress relievers and great exercise.