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03/28/2011 11:41 AM

My son just told me he is a heroin addict

nrsnmom
 
Posts: 12
Member

My son turned 18 in dec. 10. 3 months after he turned 16 and got his license,he was in an accident and sent to a pediatric ICU for about 2 weeks. He was lucky to be alive. Many broken bones and collapsed lungs. Injured organs. I knew he was doing drugs even though he denied it.I am fortunate to have a brother who is a DUI attorney and he helped get him into "Drug Court". He continued in and out of Juvenile Detention and missing U/A's so they reomended an inpatient treatment. He went through the inpt. and on his own he chose to go to a differnt in patient for 30 days after that. He wants to stay sober at this point but was so afraid of relapse that he chose another facility. When he got out he started the program at drug court again. intensive counseling , family groups 1 x wk. and drug court every thursday. He keeps himself extremely busy. He was sober for a week short of 8 months. He recently relapsed. He used for about 2 weeks (came to me once for $20 "gas" and once $10 gas) then turned himself in. Spent a week in Juvenile Detention and is now in his 1st week at a local adult 21 day inpatient program (the option he chose over 30 days in juvenile detention). I had my 1st visit with him this last saturday and he told me he was shooting heroin. Even though he was sitting there in front of me telling me this, something in me was telling me he wasnt really doing it.He apologized for taking money for drugs . This was a 1st for him taking my money for this. He said he was ashamed and emberassed. It is now monday and I spent sunday with him too plying him with questions about when, how , why and so on.... He is a strong boy and he answered all my questions without getting upset. He is currently going through severe painful withdrawal and he has chosen not to take methadone or similar drugs. He already had arthritis from multiple broken bones from his accident.

I am sooo frightened for him. He says that he started when he was 16. Just before he had the accident. Since he was clean for nearly 8 months then I guess he used for 1 yr and 4 mo. of his short life already He told me he did a "2gm shot" before he turned himself into juvenile detention. Ive google this and so far it looks like that is a lethal dose of heroin from what I have read.

Please forgive my disorganized rambling. I am still in shock and trying to do what is right for my son. I found myself without hope for the 1st time for a period of over 24 hrs and I actually told my son that I had lost hope for the 1st time ever.

Looking back i am thinking this may have been the wrong thing to say to him especially when he is trying so hard.

Anyone with any advice or guidance that could help my son?

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03/28/2011 05:25 PM
Slingersss
Slingersss  
Posts: 2542
VIP Member

I am so sorry nrsnmom. You have just started on your journey of a Parent of an addict. What a terrible journey it is. The fact that you are here, tells me you are already looking for resources for help in this journey that your son has begun.

I am glad that you have come here, and hope we can all help you with this.

Another group on here, is "parents of addicts" support group. You can join multiple groups and get much broader answers to your questions.

You are in the shock phase, and I was there awhile back myself. A horrible place to be. But, I began to learn about addiction, resources available and how to help the addict get to recovery, and not enable them in their addiction. I hope we can all help you too.

Hugs, Shari


03/28/2011 06:26 PM
chiefrocca
Posts: 66
Member

i am a heroin addict i got clean on dec. 11 2009. i went to an in patient treatment for 21 days. i asked to stay longer cause i was safe there. i did not want to use anymore. i was so sick of the misery my life was. one big thing for me was not hanging with my old crowd of people. i broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years right before rehab cause she did not want to get clean. my best friend at the time died from heroin a week after i left. i was getting high with him a the day i lleft for rehab. that could of been me if i didnt leave when i did. but i was scared to go home so i went to a 3/4 house. it kept me away from my old spots. i went to meetings a ton of them. in rehab they say 90 meetings in 90 days. i did not want to go back to drugs so i did 150 meetings in 90 days. i didnt think i can find clean people to do clean fun things. i hate just sitting around. but by going to meetings i met a group of people who are serious about staying clean. we do fun things together we go to concerts, hang out play board games, go shoot pool. this summer we are already making camping plans concert plans. and we all want to stay clean and have fun. working this program of AA saved my life. i never thought i would like going to meetings but i do. my suggestion would be to go to meetings when he gets out. at least 1 a day for 90 days. the people i see working this program including me who go to meetings and work the 12 steps stay clean. for you i would suggest checking out some alanon meetings. it is good he is in a rehab already i didnt get to my first rehab till i was 24 then i didnt want to get clean so i went in and out for 5 years and finally had enough. good luck to you and i will be praying for your son.

03/28/2011 06:40 PM
nrsnmom
 
Posts: 12
Member

Thank you both so very much for your comments. You cant even imagine how much they help. I cant seem to get off the internet looking for resources. I think in the back of my head I am looking for a cure to pop up out of no where. I know this is ridiculous.....for goodness sakes I am a nurse! He was doing so well in his drug program. He tells me now that he was terrified of his graduation from the program. I didnt know through the 2 years of the program that his DOC was heroin. I was under the impression it was oxy and marijuana. Anyways thats all insignificant at this point and I just want to tell you how much your insight , experience and comments mean to me.

Thank you. Also, Chiefrocca, keep up the good work. Iknow I dont know you but I am proud of you and would welcome any advice or suggestions you may have for my son and I as we go on this journey of recovery.


03/28/2011 06:48 PM
nrsnmom
 
Posts: 12
Member

I have a question. My son has requested that I dont tell the family how bad his drug problem is or that he is shooting heroin. My first reaction is to comply with his request but I need to know, in doing this am I enabling him or helping him?

03/28/2011 07:22 PM
chiefrocca
Posts: 66
Member

my first question is do they help him at all. do they give him a place to stay, give him money or anything like that. if they do i would be careful cause he might be trying to leave himself someone to help him if he gets in trouble or needs something. or i can see it the other way which is he is embarassed and dont want the family to know or does not want to hear lectures about the right things to do. i hated being cornered by famil that know nothing about addiction and trying to tell me what i have to do. or asking me why i cant just stop. thats a tough one to decide cause i can see it from 2 different ways. any situation an addict is in an early sobriety gotta look at it from every angle. cause what may seem innocent might be a con to get what they want. i dont know your son but i am just looking at the situation like i was there. is he moving back with you when he gets out? what are his plans for when he gets out?

03/28/2011 07:31 PM
nrsnmom
 
Posts: 12
Member

Lectures are definately part of my family MO. My mother is definately an enabler but she loves her family dearly. She is the matriarch of our family. She was actually the one he was staying with when he did his 1st shot. He actually lives with his father who is very wealthy and also abusive. I am trying to get him to stay at a halfway or oxford house but he says he wont. This is what scares me. The dynamics of him and his father are dysfunctional at best. He knows he can always come to live with me and he does at times but my financial situation is nothing compared to his fathers and his father is paying for his education right now which is high on the list of things to be sober for in his mind. If that makes sense. I'm trying to explain this to you from his viewpoint and mine so its a bit difficult. I'm just so scared of making the wrong decision and contributing to any harm to my son. Thank you for responding.

03/29/2011 05:08 PM
Slingersss
Slingersss  
Posts: 2542
VIP Member

Here is a website that was given to me by a nurse at a hospital. It is the Department of Health and human services, and has alot of information, treatment centers and information on drug treatment.

http://www.oas.samhsa.gov/tx.htm

You can search for treatment centers based on how much your son can afford.....in my son's case it was zero....so they have those too, if he has insurance it gets a little better. But, this site helps alot. All of it is free. Try to steer away from those internet drug counselors, they want your money and alot of it. One treatment center cost $ 31,000 up front.....check around and see what else there is. I won't lie to you, they are all expensive but NOT THAT expensive.

The problem is that if your son does not want to get clean, he won't. They have to make that decision on their own. Don't enable him by giving him money, it just goes to drugs and makes it easier.... Think, first before you help him and give him anything because these addictions make them very creative and they know how to manipulate to get what they NEED.

I told all of our relatives, and now no one will give my son money, or anything. If he comes over they will feed him something and that is about it....They know in the long run, that they are helping him, and the less enablers my son has, hopefully the faster he will get SERIOUS about treatment.

Hugs, Shari

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