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02/11/2011 07:19 AM

heroin help for husband and self

GS1919
Posts: 1
New Member

I don't know where to begin but i have spent several hours perusing the stories of women and men that have dealt with their heroin addicted spouses. I am at work and having trouble focusing. I am at the end of my road. My husband dropped me off at work this morning and I was holding onto the seat for dear life. His heroin addiction is killing me. The whole way here in the car I kept my mouth shut for fear he would get mad if I told him he was driving erratically, not only that he doses off when he drives. We have known each other since we were 16, we were science partners in school. We had a platonic friendship that many people dream about. We remained in touch sporadically after high school, bumped into each other a couple of times in our early twenties and although there was something there ( a spark of interest) we both never pursued it. Years passed, I met someone had a child (she is now 10) and he built a business and dated seriously. A year and half ago (November 2009) he reached out to me on Facebook and for some reason we both were ready for each other. We spent the month of December dating heavily, sharing memories, envisioning what our life could be together. I mean we were passionate...it was all so amazing and we eloped Jan 2010...I know, we moved quick! I knew that he smoked weed daily and I was ok with that, he usually only smoked at night before bed and I would join him sometimes. About two weeks into our marriage he introduced me to painkillers: not vicodin or percaset, but roxys...now I have never been a drug user...not to say I haven't dabbled here and there but it was usually reserved for special occassions and I could take it or leave it...even the weed. I preferred drinking, maybe because it was always socially acceptable and I grew up in a very sheltered household. so back to the painkillers, I figured what the heck if he does it and runs a successful business why shouldn't I give it a try, he's my soulmate right? and he would never give me anything that would hurt me. The roxys were amazing...I won't lie, I felt a peace that was indescribable however, I quickly needed more because of the tolerance issue. All the while I was trying to maintain normalcy in my life and moderate when we would do them (only weekends or special occasions) at least that's what I thought. He was doing them more and more and mixing it with xanax. He crashed my car twice. I lost 30lbs in 5months. I am 5'10 and weigh 119 now. My family started to become increasingly concerned. I maintained 5 jobs in one year. My life started to turn to shit but we were trying to escape, have fun and although we always wanted to stop (he went for suboxone once and I went to get him suboxone another time) Now the truth is I have tried to keep it away. If I didn't join him I would be afraid he would do it alone and be reckless. I wanted to participate but at home, not driving the streets. There were times when I would go a few weeks without doing them but he was all out addicted, upto 8 a day just to maintain his business and keep from getting sick. Now this is where the heroin comes in, one night he was unable to get the roxys. Now he has several friends mixed in the world of street drugs and we were able to get heroin. At first, I did it and felt tremendous guilt perhaps because it wasn't a "medically prescribed drug". The thing about heroin is I never felt the extreme effects from it as I did with the roxys, so although I knew it was bad I convinced myself that the effects were not as intense and therefore not as bad. I also have a high tolerance and what I think is normal amount most people don't. This went on for about 2months but I quickly new how dangerous this could become...now I am no angel in all of this but I have since stopped and never made this a daily or weekly habit. My husband has now progressed further, he has started lying to me, we haven't slept together in the same bed for three weeks, his mood is increasingly defensive and I will be in the middle of converstion with him and he will start off responding and then slur his words and fall asleep.This behavior does not only happen at night but sometimes during the day when I call him from work. We have lost so much: money, a place to live...we are living at his business which is a converted home. I have found cigarette boxes where he tears the cardboard to make a quill (once you've done it yourself you know what to look for) I have told him this is it and the other night I told him I was leaving. He went out to drop his friend home and I guess believed I wasn't going to be home and I found a bundle of H with 4 oxy 80s and acouple of stick of xanax. The next day (yesterday) he woke to tell me he loves me and doesn't want to lose me. He said he threw out everything (which I find hard to believe) because last night he was just as drowsy and bitchy as every other time. I don't know what to believe anymore or if I should continue to do my part and remain sober, but its hard for me too because there are times when I see he has it and I just want to get along with him and in the past I have given in and participated as well. I don't want this to rule my life, and I feel like I will have a chance if I leave him but I love him with every part of my soul. He is a good man when he is clean, it's like he is a different person now and although I know it's the drugs I am at my wits end because I can't let this ruin my life and most importantly my daughters. there is much more I can elaborate on but I would be writing for days. (sidenote: his best friend also uses heroin occasionally and the type of people that come to his business will sometimes tip him out with painkillers, muscle relaxers...you name it) I have mentioned NA and he says he can stop it on his own...any guidance would be appreciated. Thanks for reading
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02/11/2011 01:25 PM
themmerle
themmerlePosts: 383
Member

Wow...my heart just bleeds for you. You KNOW what you need to do.....you need to draw the line in the sand and get out of there and tell him..."when you are ready to be clean and stay clean...I'll be there." Start taking care of YOU and YOUR CHILD before you lose everything to this addiction issue. You can still walk away from the drugs...but if you continue to dabble...even to stay close to him, you are playing with fire. You'll end up just like him..and then where will your daughter be without either of you. If you have family that can help you and her, while you begin to focus on YOUR LIFE and remaining drug free then seek help for you. He will either follow you into sober living or you will follow him down this dark path of addiction and may BOTH end up lost. Your tough stand may save his life! Keep in touch and reach out to anyone here that you can relate to. We have many in recovery here....and many that have addicts in their lives (some using, some recovering and some in the process of recovering). I'm sure that you can find support here. Tracy

02/11/2011 03:33 PM
Sunsign73
Sunsign73  
Posts: 614
Member
I'm an Advocate

Well put Tracy and I agree 100%. You HAVE to do something NOW. Every day you wait is a day lost.

02/12/2011 12:56 PM
Slingersss
Slingersss  
Posts: 2581
VIP Member

Heroin is not a drug that can be used for recreational use and then stopped. It sucks people in and changes their lives. It creates chaos, heartbreak, and devastation wherever it goes. It is the destroyer of lives.

Tracy gives very sound advise. You have to take care of you. Now, the hard part begins because you are starting to recognize the lies. Addicts are masters at it. As Patti would say, they are masters of BS. They know what we WANT to hear and tell us exactly what we want to hear. But actions speak louder than words, at this point.

Keep your eyes open, and watch what is happening, and always, take care of yourself.


02/14/2011 10:16 AM
Sunsign73
Sunsign73  
Posts: 614
Member
I'm an Advocate

As painful as it might be, you need to do with is right for you....even if he is not part of it. You deserve a happy, healthy life free of drugs. You can achieve it if you are willing to work for it. It's there waiting for you. Don't give up!

02/19/2011 01:45 PM
hippiechick1961
hippiechick1961  
Posts: 24
Member

I am a 49 year old heroin addict in recovery today... My favorite saying;"is 2 sickies don't make a wellie".

You both have your work cut out for you and if yinz know anything thats right, yinz both need treatment separate from one another!!!

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