Heroin Addiction Support Group

Last night I was going through my daughter's things, trying to find something that will help me help her. She has journals and poems that are so touching. But, I found a letter that she had to write to Miss Heroin. I guess this was something she had to do when she was with the methadone clinic. Anyway, I wanted to share it. I'm not sure why, but I think especially addicts will understand:

Dear Miss Heroin

You save me from a hell of a lotta pain. You are the only thing that makes me survive. When your not in my system, I feel weak, alone, and short. I miss you. Your the highlight of my day. When I grab ahold of you I shake in excitement and can't wait. My anxiety is rushing, and things blurr out. The only thing left in my mind is you. It all revolves around you. I'm blank. I'm so into you. Its hard to set you down and move away. Why? I cook you on my spoon til your all burnt. I fill you up in my needle, so brown. The color of you is breath taking. I need it, I crave you, I yurn for you. What to do? I tie off and shoot up. I count til I feel the rush. Sometimes it hits sooner than other times. It just that one perfect moment you don't care about life. scary to say, but sometimes I want to overdose and never wake up because I don't want to come off you. Ever! Your my sweet addiction. Your my life and you control me. I have no resistance to what you do for me. Sober is a lie and its not me. Sober is pain. Heroin, your my best friend. Your my addiction, always and forever.

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I, as a mother, cannot even imagine the pain my daughter is going through. Both physical and mental. I never realized that heroin was such a powerful drug and tough addiction. After reading this, I do now really feel that I need to prepare for her funeral. I know this is a horrible thing to say, but its truly how I feel. This is so hard to see your own child suffer. I just keep wishing this was all a dream and I would wake up quickly!

wow that is an awesome letter it describes heroin perfectly. all day everyday i wanted more and i couldnt do anything unless i had it in my system. i never talked to anyone unless i was asking money from them. like call my dad say hello then ask for money. i wasnt calling to see how he was doing i wanted something. from the time a heroin addict wakes up till the time they pass out it is finding more drugs more money and if you didnt have money finding a way to get more. beg borrow steal it didnt matter. heroin was my love i loved the rush even the ritual of putting the heroin in the needle the needle going into my arm pull back a little to make sure you hit a vein and blood rushes in and you push the plunger down and it feels like everything in the world doesnt matter so numb then that does away and it is time for more and more and more. i hate heroin so bad it is the devil and i never want to go back. i really enjoyed that letter thank you very much it reminded of the pain i used to have in active addiction.

justin

Hi Justin

I'm glad this letter helped you. Not being an addict myself, I can't imagine what its like to need something so bad. Can you tell me, if you don't mind, what made you finally decide to quit and how you did it. Did you go through rehab? Use methadone or soboxon? I just want to do whatever I can to help my daughter. Or, does it matter what I do to help her. As of now she told me she still wants to use, but she's been in rehab only 4 weeks. It broke my heart to hear that. Please tell me what will help or what helped you. And congrats on becoming a group leader. I really respect the fact that you are sober and pray that it continues.

Kelley

That is some letter your daughter wrote. It really describes the misery of heroin perfectly. Have you talked to her about it? I kept it bottled up inside and then finally one day, I told my mum and a huge weight was lifted off my shoulder. Instead of being angry with me - she was so supportive. Maybe she wrote that letter because she couldn't tell you and she wanted to write it down instead. Try and talk to her, it really might help.

I really am prayig for your daughter, she can come through this, she just needs to want to. Nobody can make her stop. My thoughts are with you.

Sinead x

hello and welcome kelley. i am a recovering addict. heroin was my main drug of choice. i can somewhat understand how you feel because i put my family and my mom through alot with my addictions. what really helped me quit was going to NA meetings and also getting on suboxone. i know that those two things combined really helped me quit heroin, but in order to stop using *I* had to want it. i had to really want sobriety. i had to do it for me. detox and rehab may help your daughter. going to narcotics anonymous meetings after that might also help. i would highly suggest her getting on suboxone. i never suggest methadone to anyone. its just my personal opinion, but i dont have anything good to say about methadone. my mother and father now attend al-anon and nar-anon meetings for me. those meetings are like NA meetings, but they are more so for the family and friends of addicts, to help them better understand the disease of addiction and gives them support in dealing with having a loved one with is an addict/alcoholic.

if you have any questions, or need to talk, message me anytime. i am co-leader of the Addiction Recovery Support Group. feel free to join this group also and post there. take care :]

I agree with alovessopure regarding methadone. Methadone is more physically addicting than heroin and the withdrawals last much, much longer than heroin. I've worked with people (I'm a mental health professional) and met people that have been incarcerated for a period of time and weren't allowed their methadone while in jail. These individuals were still going through withdrawals 2 months after their last methadone pill.

I also agree about Suboxone. I have a long history of drug use with the most recent episode being a fairly long period of morphine and heroin use. I'm prescribed 3 8mg Suboxone a day and do not experience any withdrawal symptoms. Suboxone makes me feel good with a slightly elevated mood and decreased anxiety, but it is not to the point where I feel any kind of urge to abuse it.

I can definitely relate to what your daughter is saying. When you're a junky, it's nearly impossible to fathom how you can live life without heroin (or whatever your opiate of choice is). With heroin, I felt amazing. I felt like I could accomplish anything and everything. I felt so productive and actually was very productive, working full time, going to school full time and working another 30 hours per week running my small business, which was operating fairly well. However, all of my money and then my credit lines went towards heroin. I could have purchased a new car with what I spent on heroin, or traveled around the country, etc. It's also exhausting spending all of your time looking for more heroin. It's very stressful always worrying about your supply running out.

Your daughter will want to actually stop using for any method of treatment to be effective. However, from my experience, Suboxone was enough to make me go from being very uncertain and fearful of quitting to successfully quitting.