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shawnie
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Im so glad I found this site. It's really hard to go through the one you love's addiction by yourself. First off it's embarressing to tell family members and friends they would think Im crazy for sticking around. I first met my boyfriend a year ago and he told me all about medadone and the clinic. I was naive as hell and once he told me he had been a herion addict for years and years but was clean now I fell for it not realizing how serious it really was. He was really a great charmer and I fell in love and we moved in together. I saw mood swings and violent outbursts and thought it was the methadone's dosage. Finally I saw the needle and disappearing acts and all the lies that come with it. I thought I could save him and fix him and things only got worse. He had some really weird paranoid jealous behavior that was unbearable. I would get accused of weird things and he would actually think these things were going on. He thought I was flirting with any person that was a man. It got to the point where we could not go out in public without a outburst and me trying to defend myself which was impossible. I had anger problems with all of this going on and we started to have phisical confrontations which left me feeling awful for days and days. While this was going on I was trying to care for my dying Mother at the same time. I lost alot of wieght and had no appetiete. I was a mess. Always jumpy and on edge. I look back a year ago and thought I was going crazy. I finally left him one day and snuck out while he was at work and moved in to take care of my father who needed me also after my mother had passed away. We had no contact for six monthes. I thought about him everyday hoping that maybe he would quit the drugs and he would be normal and realize how much he loved me and call me to tell me we could have a normal relationship. Well....it never happened. I found him at his sister's house and he did quit the herion and the clinic for the six months we were broken up. I was so glad and he was so happy to see me. Since then which has been a month ago, we have been (dating some) We have been going to festivals and fair's and he drinks alot now which worries me. I don't and feel like he has to get a buzz to have a good time. I did see a little jealousy start this weekend and we got into the same arguments we used to. I was so hoping that it was the herion that made him so jealous and insecure but I guess he has other issues which totally disapoints me because that was such a hugh facator in out fights. He started the name calling and grabbed my arm hard and squeezed it. Im sooooooo confused and heartbroken again. Am I a glutton for punishment. Im to old for this and maybe I am a dreamer and want so bad for us to work. I just don't know anymore. This morning at work Im just thinking about this weekend and how we ruined it. We did end on a good note but Im having reservations about the future. My daughter is calling me stupid and Im losing her respect. She does'nt know about the herion but knew about his jealousy. Does anyone see any hope for this to workout or am I living in a dream world? Please help me with any info you have I really need it before it's to late and Im suckered again. |
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lisa79
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Hi Sorry I never got ur name my name is Lisa and I have been dealing with a heroin addiction on and off for the last 3yrs and so has my boyfriend he has had a problem for alot longer than me but I,m glad to say we r both in recovery and have been since march this year we are both on a methadone program aswell I was really touched wen I read your story it sounds as if your boyfriend has just switched from having a heroin addiction to now having a alcohol addiction so he sounds as if he has a really addictive personality I use to go out with a guy who was really jealous for 2yrs when i was 17yrs old and I was the same as you I couldn,t even go to a pub with my bf as if we did he would accuse me at looking at guys and then he wouldn,t want me around his friends cos he would say the same it ended up getting violent one night i went out for a few drinks to a nightclub with a friend and because I didn,t come to his mums(were he lived then) house at the time I said I would be back he was shouting when I arrived and I went to the toilet in his mums and also had my friend with me and he dragged me out the toilet with my trousers and pants down and still doing a pee he dragged me by the hair and kicked me on the side then threw me down a flight of stairs because he thought I had kissed a guy at the nightclub cos I was late I ended up leaving him as i was limping for three days after he did that, what I,m trying to say is if you stay in a relationship with this guy he might end up violent so just try and think about it and with him drinking and been jealous all the time u definetly deserve to be with someone who treats you properly and also someone who isn,t drunk all the time so if I was you I would tell him it,s over as what are you teaching your daughter with you been her role model with staying with someone like that as she will eventually find out about his addictions and he wouldn,t be fun to be around if you can,t go out anywere in case his jealous streak pops up (which is embarrasing in front of people)and him been drunk you need to start believeing in yourself and get some self esteem and confidence cos if you got them sorted you wouldn,t allow someone to treat you like that I don,t believe any jealous person can change and if he loved you he would try and quit the drinking aswell sorry if I have sounded cheeky as I,ve not ment to Take care and if you need anyone to talk to just send me a message GOOD LUCK with watever you decide and welcome to the group from Lisa79 xxxxx |
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shawnie
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Hi Lisa, Thanks for the reply, your right I must have selfesteem issues. Thankgod my daughter is not like that, she's with a great guy and I have a eight month old grandson. She never saw any of that kind of behavior when she was growing up because I never really had any relationships. She was my focus and it was just me and her. But....looking back at any other boyfriends before I have to admit they were assholes and I sure do know how to pick them. I have to keep him at a distance. Thank God Im staying with my father now and I work everyday and when Im not at work Im visiting my grandson. Jealousy is nasty, I have had similar experiences to yours and it's nuts! First off I thought it was his herion abuse that made him that way and now he got kinda nasty telling me not to wear my clothes to tight the other night. God I know I love him but that does'nt mean we can stay together in a relationship. Love does not conquer all Im learning. Lisa, I just want to tell you how proud I am of you and your boyfriend and just because I have never done drugs does'nt mean we all don't have issues. Im a freak for wanting to change people and not take a look at my own self. Ha Ha. I do know that much. He has admitted he really is going to try and work on his jealousy problem and I need to work on mine also. It seems like I picked it up along the way and now Im acting like him. STrange huh. He's rubbing off on me and I can't stand it. Well Im at work and have to go for now, thankyou Lisa for your imput I do appriciate it and I need you to stay strong cuz your my friend now on this site and I need your support and I'll give you mine K ? Shawna
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lisa79
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Hi Shawna,Thanks for your message thats great your daughter has a good boyfriend and that you have a beautiful grandson I was so like you I went with arsoles all my life before I met the guy who I am with now and started to give up on men just before I got together with my partner just now as I think I had alot of self esteem and confidence issues myself and that might be why you and I had went with arsoles like that then and funny enough when you said you started to act like your partner I also did that with that jealous guy I was telling you about as I,m not the jealous type but when I seen how annoying it was with that guy been like that with me I then started to try and act jealous to try and annoy him the way he was annoying me just to be even in some stupid way even though I must have looked stupid because I must have looked so fake cos it just wasn,t me, anyway if you love him then maybe you should give him another chance but do put some rules to him or ultimations that you want him to get help professionally for his jealousy or to try and help himself with it cos he must also have self esteem and confidence issues as he wouldn,t be acting like that for nothing and he might also be suffering from depression with him turning from one addcition to another so maybe if he went to the docs he could get medication to help him (if he has depression) then if he got that sorted he might find it easier then to stop drinking, it is definetly not the heroin thats made him act like that I know from experience just make sure you don,t take too much shit from him because you don,t deserve it Take care and hope to hear from you soon I will add you as a friend on my profile hope you have a nice weekend and GOOD LUCK with sorting outside your relationship and I hope things work out for youLisaxxxx |
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liveforthis02162
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Hi Shawna! I felt the same when when I found this site. I feel like addiction just seems to transgress all age class gender and racial groups and brings so many people together. Because your right we cant do it alone. My boyfriend is also a heroin addict, when i met him i knew nothing about the drug or about addiction. I was pretty naive. However, I fell in love with him clean, and right under my nose he fell back into it. There were so many lies that i had no idea about. He always had an excuse for everything, and it always made almost perfect sense. But there were also so many things that just didnt fit. I eventually found his needles and that was when he no longer could hide it from me. I too seem to have this insane desire to fix everyone, and to ignore the problems with myself. After I caught him he said that he didnt want to do this anymore and so he we began to try weening him off it. Stupid idea. I know. About a week later fate stepped in and we were stopped by the cops and he was arrested for possession. He has been clean for two weeks. I know how you feel about wanting to make it work. Everyone thinks im crazy. that hes crazy. that were both so young, and that its better if i walk away now before he can relapse. But i just dont feel like thats fair. I might be young but i know that I am so happy when im with the sober him. I agree with lisa it sounds like its not heroin now but possibly alcohol. Its hard to have the world against you, it makes you feel like your crazy! I know it. But i keep trying to find that hope somewhere deep inside. One day at a time. Lisa is always right in dont take too much shit because nobody deserves that! You have all of my support and best wishes that everything will begin to work out. Try to focus on you and what needs to be worked on with you as a person. Thats my goal right now, that while he is dealing with his own issues I can deal with mine so that we can both go into this relationship 110%. Best of luck! One day at a time is all we can do. You know how to reach me. Sarah |
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shawnie
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Hi you guys, Thanks for the replies it helps so much knowing Im not the only one in this postition. Things are really kinda wierd between us right now. I have anger issues I know, I can't let go of the past that easy. Something will trigger it and I go off and start the blame game as I call it. When I get over it and calm down I end up looking back thinking Im sooooo stupid and immature. I wish I could take a chill pill literally to calm down. I just don't know if I could forgive all the shit he put me thru and why do I still love. Im really scared and well as you are probeley of the old habit kicking in. Im constanly looking for any signs. It almost as tho I like torturing myself. Im just wondering do I invest time and energy in this relationship or not. Is it going to backfire on me? I know I sound pretty negative today. It's probely because my boyfriend was drinking alot this weekend and I saw signs of the old him and it scares me. Anyway, Im hanging in there and trying to take care of me too! I think Im going shopping tonight after work and buying a cute outfit! Thanks for caring you guys, It helps me alot, Love Shawnie |
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