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11/23/2010 11:33 AM

New to healthy relationships!!

enoughalready
enoughalreadyPosts: 1408
Senior Member

Hi everyone,

I am new to the healthy relationship board but not to mdj.

My husband is bipolar and we are currently seperated. I know some of our issues are due to his illness, but I am here to learn and do what I can on my end to make me able to have a healthy relationship.

He has had emotinal affairs with other women on and off over the years and I have become this jealouse green eyed monster, that I never wanted to be. Its diffucult sometimes to know what is a normal reactions to the other people in his life and what is me over reacting, so I am here to learn.

I also recently started having issues with my relationship with my sister. I thinks sometimes, I just have issues interacting with people.

I look forward to getting to know this group and hope to learn from others and give back when and where I can.

Post edited by: enoughalready, at: 11/23/2010 11:35 AM

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11/23/2010 11:51 AM
patty777

Hi..Enough..Welcome to relationships. I think you will like the group. Lots of good , fun caring people here. I'm sorry your relationship turned to separation,but it maybe good to take a break.

As far as sisters...that is very common..and I hope it resolves itself with a little time.

Do you want the relationship with your husband to get better and to reconcile your differences? It may take a lot of work or some marriage counseling. But if you both want this , then it may work out..But is this what you want?

Caring Always,

Patty


11/23/2010 03:06 PM
2steveb
2steveb  
Posts: 6237
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

hi enoughalready, great to see you, if i may ask-are you in love or do you just love him, im sure you will know theres a big differance. I f i may be so bold i would suggest the starting point for your marriage is to self asses where you are in it, how you feel when you see yourself in the mirror and what our wants, desires and needs are. THEN start to look at the bigger picture. i hope thats a helpfull starter for you, as pattys says it can take alot of work. what are your views on it??

11/23/2010 04:48 PM
enoughalready
enoughalreadyPosts: 1408
Senior Member

He left in June and when he left I was really in love with him and it broke my heart. We still talk and we talk about going to counseling. I think we are going to try it. I dont feel so in love anymore, I know I love him and I think I can get that back but there has been a lot of damage. I also am not sure how much he wants it. He says he likes living a lone, so I dont know if there is even a chance but he did say he would go to counseling, so who knows. I have been up for the task of hard work with him from the beginning, but his bP really is wearing me down, I am tired. I just hope to gain my strength back for counseling.

I hope to address some of my issues and be ready to work on it when we go. Although I think a big part of it is his to work on, I am more than willing to do my share and deal with mine.

Has anybody had any experience with jealousy and how to overcome it, I think right now that is my biggest issue.


11/23/2010 05:19 PM
patty777

Abbey that makes very good sense to me. I never was the jealous type, it was the opposite always, he was jealous of every man to come near me. But he took it out on me, instead of saying...'hey ,Thats my wife' Come to think of it he rarely referred me as 'my wife ' to anyone...

Enough...since you have been separated since May, have you been happy? I mean , if he wants to live alone, maybe let sleeping dogs lie. Unless you want to relive what has passed...Just curious..

My husband...if he were to leave..I think I would be happy, though don't know how I would make the bills.?? If thats something that comes in play its a different story....I'm just thinking out loud..hoping to be helpful..

Hugs

Patty

Post edited by: patty777, at: 11/23/2010 05:20 PM


11/23/2010 05:35 PM
enoughalready
enoughalreadyPosts: 1408
Senior Member

NO I have not really been happy, I missed him badly for the first few months and worried about him all day long. I still miss him I have stopped crying all day and started sleeping and eating right again. But I really want my life back the way it was before his mania started. I think that's why he left, he had a manic episode and ran away from the stress and chased the high life.

There was a huge time when I was not jealous, I think face book started it again. He would have friends that were girls posting on his profile being flirty with him. A couple of times I really lost it on him. Once I knew nothing was going on but it really bothered me that he had that type of relationship with another women, he did not even talk to me like that. He would tease her by telling her boyfriend I gonna steal your girl, and call her beautiful, It hurt my feelings cause I did not get to hear those things from him, this is where it started. I have gone downhill with it ever since. I know it does not help anything. I know it only makes things worse, I just don't know how to stop and where to draw the line.


11/23/2010 05:50 PM
patty777

I feel jelousy is a waste of time...but we are human and can take just so much. So maybe it will help with therapy, I hope it does. Thinking when your jealous of those cyberspace woman, that most have plastic surgery or might not even be pictures of them. All kinds of Pictures on the net, to make you look like a sexy model. Keep in mind, these woman just do it for a thrill. Just like you wouldn't be jealous of a Playboy magazine, would you? No , because he can never meet them in real 3D life. Try to look at it that way while your going through therapy...

All my Best

Patty

Post edited by: patty777, at: 11/23/2010 05:52 PM


11/23/2010 07:30 PM
enoughalready
enoughalreadyPosts: 1408
Senior Member

These are friends on his face book, people that he works with and flirts with at work also, not cyper space people, No I would not be jealouse of a modle in magazine.

11/23/2010 07:39 PM
patty777

That would make me think...yes therapy. He may be addicted to attention. But if he chooses to live his life this way, he might be in for a disappointment. Not only that, he can get himself in trouble at work.

If he is willing and you want to salvage the relationship than yes , therapy will help. Lot of couples go for help, it wont hurt.

Patty


11/23/2010 08:07 PM
enoughalready
enoughalreadyPosts: 1408
Senior Member

I agree theraphy will help, thanks so much for the advice Smile

I am sitting here thinking you are right and I think that is the mind set I had before about jealousy being a waste of time, I need to get back there. Maybe when I am feeling a little stonger.

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