Healthy Relationships Online Support Group

This paper hits at the core of a lot of unhealthy relationship behavior. Cool!

http://www.class.uh.edu/enews/2008/11/__docs/Knee_study.pdf

Short abstract -

"Relationship-contingent self-esteem (RCSE) emerges from perspectives on authenticity, need fulfillment, and relationship functioning and is an unhealthy form of self-esteem that depends on one's relationship."

Could you possibly tell us what the paper says?

Sure -

It says that if we put ourselves too obsessively into a romantic relationship, we derive an unhealthy proportion of our self-worth from it, which eventually becomes a trap to our "self".

The degree one is affected by our relationships gives us a tendency to depend on them for validation of self-worth.

The paper calls this "RCSE" - Relationship Contingent Self-Esteem.

In one of the studies mentioned, romantic relationships where both partners had a high level of RCSE didn't have any closer relationship then those with lower levels.

Hope that made sense.

Yes it makes sense but am uncertain what to say about it. As a psychology major I know there are many random studies done and we can't always believe everything we read(that's something my husband taught me.) I would really like to know what YOU got from the paper. Did it teach you something? Please enlighten me to what you were able to take from this study. Thank you checks, I appreciate it. I'm still and always here for you.

Amanda

Post edited by: OneofBeauty, at: 07/26/2009 01:19 PM

Agree on that it is just somebody else's crackpot theory, and psychology isn't a 'hard'/exact science.

What I got from it:

Basing too much of your self-esteem on your romantic relationship makes you dependent on that relationship for a big part of self-esteem.

Unless both partners are doing this to a the same degree, the more self-esteem invested-in-relationship partner will have a harder time letting go.

I have a lot more to say on this, but keep going off on tangents. Still trying to figure it out.

I read the article and it seems like you have a good understanding of it. Any time you base your sense of self-esteem on something or someone else, you are involved in relationship contingent self-esteem. You should not base your sense of self-worth totally on your job or your academic skills or your parents or your love relationship. A way to get a quick idea of your self-esteem is to describe yourself. Do you begin with your job? Who am I? Do you describe yourself in several ways? In negative ways? In Positive ways?

We all see ourselves in relationship with these things but if you focus on one aspect such as a love relationship and determine your self worth on that aspect alone, you are in trouble. Do not give anyone the power to determine your self-esteem! That is not love!

I think that RCSE would explain the clinging relationship that some people have. Men and women are guilty of this.

suebaby41,

(rereading over old post, missed the reply)...

"Do not give anyone the power to determine your self-esteem! That is not love!"

True words. Bears repeating for many of us.

I've done that (the other side - letting someone else determine my self-esteem), and am charging ahead with never allowing that to happen again. It requires vigilance and repeating some mantra of

"Only I am truly mine... I am worth much just as much without this person I'm currently SHARING my life wirh" (er, shouting sharing isn't necessary!!)

this is a marvelous thread that we could all benifit from, it boils back down to recent threads/comments about I AM as ive recently been saying about self esteam,worth, confidence, affermations etc

yes definatly some good food for thought...

so, suebaby41, who are you, I AM, a father, an engineer, a pianist, a photographer, I AM many things never one and the same. All of these identities are my self esteem as I KNOW, I AM good at all. (forgive me if that sounds conceited)these are all forms of 'self' would you not agree?? i am never 'just me' as that person lacks confidence (another 'self').

All of these identities go towards making me the individual I AM, if as i have you loose one of those identities, create another, i had to. I lost 'engineer' due to my health so i became my sons adviser. This apparent menial job has earnt me further respect (another 'self'). These all go to create the self esteem that the paper refers to, i could go on but what are your thoughts my friends?? baring in mind all of these belong to you and should never be forsaken or demeaned by a partner. Mr/s ideal will encourage these if not then move on?