Healthy Relationships Online Support Group

It's been awhile since I've been on-line but that doesn't mean my life has gotten balanced. My cousin that hooked up with the man I was seeing, her mother...my aunt and godmother...found out that she has stage 4 terminal cancer. I went to see her this weekend and I'm really glad I did. My cousin wasn't there which was a blessing for the visit since I have yet to see her since last October when I found out officially about her and my bf. It was a good visit with my aunt but now something else is sitting with me. I really don't want the first time I see my cousin with her new husband (my ex) to be at my aunt's funeral. It's going to be awkward enough but I don't want the whole situation hanging over everything. To finally get things out in the open and 'bury the hatchet' so to speak before my aunt dies I think would be in both of our best interests.

What does everyone think? Good/bad idea??

Post edited by: rollercoaster1625, at: 06/18/2012 07:43 AM

ummmmm, well if aunt hasnt long maybe its kinder to keep it quiet for now, we all have options in life? you can tell them privately what you think/feel and see what the feed back is, you can just smile and think 'if he did it to me whats he going to do to her' and smile brooding is self distructive so is hatred and revenge. talking human nature nothing biblicle so laugh it off or learn to iceolate/forget/ignore move on.

never easy but? life swings that way sometimes we have to learn how to deal with and move on. idealy how would you like it to end up?

I wouldn't 'air' this out with the entire family...just with my cousin and myself. I wasn't given the chance to show how much her/his actions hurt me. The information all transpired via email and text.

Ultimately, I would like is a sincere apology and to admit she was wrong...I would like closure with my cousin.

How do you think you cousin would respond if you asked her to meet somewhere, just you and her?

She probably wouldn't respond. I did reach out when I found out about her mom...basically opening the door for communication. I conveyed my sincere sadness for what her family has to go through. I did receive the response..'thanks' and that was all. I may be just grasping at something that no longer exists...her caring about me as her family and her friend. I may be acting in the hope she would do the same if the tables were turned and my mom was going through this terrible ordeal. I figure I would be there for my aunt no matter what...so I will be there now even though it is quite difficult. I know my aunt was really happy that I came and wanted me to return soon. =)

so hows it going rollercoaster any positive updates?

Things are a bit better. Had a really good session with my psychologist last Wednesday so I am just going one step at a time. =) We figured out that I just need to deal with one thing at a time and try to separate out the breakup/betrayal. Work through residual things dealing with my exbf first and then move forward to my cousin. There will be overlap but it won't seem so overwhelming all of the time. Had a great weekend so that helps as well. =) Thanks for checking in with me. =)

so goos progress ah keep us posted were all behind you

Another week has gone by and I am wishing that I could move forward but something keeps bringing me back to feeling that betrayal by both of them. It hurts and it sucks to be reminded all the time that they are together...At one point I had dreamed to be where she is now...she knew that all too well. It really sucks to know that they both know things about the other only because I told them...in ways it's like I brought those two together. They had their marriage reception this past Saturday and so now the pictures are everywhere - her sisters' sites...her mom's CB site. It's like I cannot check in with my aunt or other family members without 'running into' them via pictures or posting. It throws me back to that cruddy place and I really don't want to go back there any more. I'm tired of feeling hurt and betrayed. My questions is why? Why can't I just leave it behind? Is it because there wasn't any closure...they just texted/emailed me about our breakup and their marriage? I didn't get a chance to say anything to them... Why am I holding onto this? It's nothing but pain...

it doesnt, you allow it to? none can hurt you-unless you let them? find something else to think about and pain will stop after all this ;pain; is only an emotion not like a broken arm