Healthy Relationships Online Support Group

Hello everyone... So after about 3 yrs knowing my gf we've decided to take a break from the relationship. Meaning zero communication, unless something really really serious happens. Basically there are issues that haven't been resolved, and a break is the only option left at this point to work them out. Some details are in my diary if anyone cares to read.

This could be temporary or permanent deal, and there's no rules really regarding what we can & can't do during the off time. Except to use it to decide if we want to keep going with the relationship. She wants me to think of myself as single, and she'll do the same.

I wanted to ask people on here if they ever decided to take a break or split temporarily this way & maybe why, and how it worked out. If it helped or not too?

It's been 2 days so far & the reality is sinking in.

hi ahghost, 'time out' its something i often recomend. if,when comunication breaks down 'time out' gives YOU time to put things into proportion, if after the agreed time you cant wait to get hold of each other win win if you dont want to go back? you got you answer move on no hard feeling you both tried.

been there seen the film read the book etc etc. id say your on the right track my friend what you need to be doing is asking yourself 'WHY' only you know same for your g/f. get that answer you can open a line of conversation to rebuild

what you think?

Sounds about right to me.

My gf wants me to 'Explore my female options' during the break fyi. That's what she said anyways. I'm not sure if she actually wants that though. We both need to do what we need to do regardless, to decide how to move forward. Whatever that may be.

Communication has never been an issue really, but she needs time away to live alone w/o a man to think about for a bit. She needs to find out what she needs & wants. Talking more can't fill that need.

I'm just sitting on my ass, drinking some & thinking about what I need like she is. I don't know how it'll turn out. Don't know how we'll explain this to her 3 kids either if we split. It would crush them if we split, and they'd hate 'mom' and blame her for it. They already asked if she made me leave early from my visit, but I told them it wasn't her choice & that I had to do some things back home...They love me so much, and always are asking when I'll be back, and if I'm going to live with them. It's tough to deflect those questions as you can imagine.

depends how old the kids are? honestys the best policy but- at times 'me and your mum are sorting things just know we both love you is a good non comital answer? (in uk women say the oposit to what they mean??????? female options? I DONT WANT ANOTHER? i want us to work this out) if you see what i mean, sounds like she has trust issues from the past maybe, an ex- few exes let her down finding it hard to comit to you maybe?

its these 'Explore my female options' 1 liners that id be listening for they say so much and now ive put myself in the firing line with the ladys here come on girls tell me im wrong

They're 4th & 6th grade. They're pretty sharp too, and know what's what at this point. I think the older two could be talked to honestly about it. Not sure about the younger daughter....The thing that is tough is that they're dad works across the country so they hardly see him, and also my gf's X hubby whom the kids got attached to (especially her son) left w/o ever talking to the kids. Even tho he initially said he would & that they could visit him etc....Now what will it do to them if they lose me. Another person they love, and truly want to be around. What will that do to them mentally If I'm gone...If my gf and I decide to stay split then so be it, but I will not abandon the kids and leave them wondering what happened, or where I went.

She's definitely been let down by X's too as you guessed. It's hard to say whether she'll take another chance. I'm settling down emotionally at least & feeling more stable which is good.

You should probably put on a cup to protect your junk fyi,lol. Women don't like being called out too much I think both sexes are a little guilty of what you mentioned though, even if no one likes to admits it.

your not wrong and its quite noble of you to think about the kids in this manner consideing there another mans. at this stage best i can suggest you do for the kids is let them know your feelings towards them and arrange to meet up places, like local park?

Thanks Steve.

It's been getting to me a bit emotionally today. her daughter emailed me saying they miss me like heck, and that she loves me to death. It kills me =( I cried for a little bit after reading it, and now I feel crappy all around. It's a tough transition mentally for me.

its always a hard situation especially for kids but hey, as long as they know your there and love them kids are very durable. take faith in that 1 ive been there my friend

I wanted to ask this forum something. If I should do like my gf suggested & see what other people are out there? She wants to know I'm making an informed decision about staying with her... This sounds bad but I went on a dating site & looked around some.

I wouldn't have done it if she hadn't wanted me to think single. She doesn't want me to just mope around thinking of her the whole break. Those are her words.

as a man i would suspect shes put you on trust to test your loylty????? ill refrain from expressing my opinion about 'people' doing that. lets just say dammed if you do dammed if you dont

if YOU want her fight for her and show her your trust love loyalty etc if you feel youve been trying to do that for so long with no results then either she has an issue with men you need to discuss of - move on? would kids rather have a mum/dad always fighting or a mum dad they can call on and have love? eg my bro split and his kids stop where ever they feel cos they know mum/dad both love them? but dont get on together