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I'm so angry and disgusted with one of my sisters. My neice has had a serious drug problem for a couple of years and her mother, my sister abandoned her as a child. My parents took care of her. My Dad and I have been trying to get my neice into a drug treatment program while my sister does nothing. She is an hour a way and feels her mother duties are over since my neice is now an adult. I don't think any mother should stop caring for the welfare of their children just because they are over 18 but sister does. I called my sister up telling her she needed to take a more active role in getting her daughter into treatment. We had a screaming match and I hung up on her. My sister has been pulling way from not only her adult kids by the rest of the family, my other sisters and Dad too. She wants to wash her hands of everthing and just have a new life with her own family. Well, I have a family too and 2 minor kids like her and yet, I still care and have been involved with both my niece and nephew and my sister don't care. I am so disgusted with her as a human being. It makes me sick to my stomach!

Post edited by: Peace4Rach, at: 01/11/2011 06:51 AM

Hi Rach, I wonder if your niece would consider going to a Narcotics Anonymous group sort of like .It would be like AA, but for Narcotics instead. But she would have to be willing and want to get help. Sad that her Mom doesn't support her in her problems. If I did that my son would be living on the streets.

I feel bad for you, you are trying your best while your sister acts like she doesn't even care...so sad, sounds like your sister isn't even acting, she really doesn't care.

I hope you can talk your niece into a better life, and she keeps contact with you. That way you can help her know there are free programs out there for addiction groups

Hugs to you my Sweet friend,

Patty

being the optomist rach, as loosing a full family is not an easy thing, does your sister actually need help on knowing how to care? that the situation is beyond her that SHE needs help or is it that she just , doesnt care?? dont feel you need reply just a train of thought i was havin

oxo

Rach I do know how frustrating it is. My sister wants my niece to act better and take control of her life. My niece is 21, but yet she enables her to do all the things she doesn't want her to do. My sis is so strong willed you dare not say anything to her as she will get mad and we are just starting to be friends. Sometimes sisters can be so frustrating. Hope you can talk your niece into getting help on her own my niece had to learn the hard way that you just can't be irresponsible, because there are conscicenses. She had to spend over a year in jail. If you need an ear I am hear. Hugs Vickie

Rach...a parent shouldn't ever stop caring i don't care how old their kids are..if we bring them into the world we should always be a part of their lives even if it is just for moral support..can't imagine walking away from mine..when they have problems that is when parents are needed the most...maybe that is why your neice has her issues..steming from not having a good relationship with her mom growing up...i believe that is why my son has had the problems he has had..his dad...big problem....i have always been my son't greatest supporter and I really can't see that changing atleast not as long as he needs me....maybe the best thing would be to let your sister go her own way...evidently it is only causing you and your family more hurt and problems to try and keep her involved....good that youre neice has you and your family...know your pain and so sorry that your neice and you are going through this..hugs......marsha

My sister doesn't know what caring for someone means. She's in total denial of how she abandoned her two oldest children. I cared for one of hers in my own home. He was a teenager. He got into so much trouble and if he didn't decide to enter the Marines, he would have ended up in jail or dead. Now's he's in Afghanastan and I pray he makes it home alive. My neice too is also suffering from sis's terrible mothering and abandonment. It's so cruel what my sister has done. The reason I called her was because I knew she decided she wants nothing more to do with the rest of the family. She made it clear after the holidays. I've been done with her a long time. She never came around to do the right thing and she has upset everyone of my sibings, father and her children she abandoned. I just felt things needed to be said. I don't care how angry she was cause I'm angry too. I know we will never have a relationship again as long as she continues to hate on all the family. I feel a sense of peace for telling her what I did.

Now, not sure what to do with my niece. She never follows through with anything and that includes meetings, wanting treatment. I don't know how to get her to stop tormenting me. My feeling is she needs treatment but is she won't take it, I can't have her constantly calling me for money for drugs. I'm so depleted emotionally.

Post edited by: Peace4Rach, at: 01/11/2011 06:52 PM

Hi My Dear friend, I feel your pain. I had the same problem with my brother. He was an addict too. The rest of my family disowned him.

I made a decision to buy him the things that he needed. Never to give him money. This was 10 years back and now he is doing great living in Mn. I'm so happy I handled it well, though we keep in touch I don't feel the love we once had.

Its sad because I gave him food and shelter, but told him he had 3 months to get it together, and no drugs allowed under my roof. He finally got fed up and took off. But he called me 4 months later to let me know he went in for inpatient help and all is well and now he is fine. He has a great job, making a lot of money. I'm very proud for his survival.

So with your niece , you have to give some tough love, in order for her to understand. You care and love her, but you wont be used for drug money. If and when she calls you again explain it to her point blank and it will get through to her that you really do care and love her. Make her mail you the information of groups she is in with a sponser's signature and phone number so you can call to make sure she is getting the help she needs. Its tough for you I know, but its the only way you can help her. Its a disease and she need s the help..

Love you friend, best and warm wishes in this quest, Patty

Oh Rache I so feel your pain...if you have read my profile you know that my son and i have not had an easy road..his addiction made him do stupid things...the drugs take over their whole personality..it is all they can think of when they are using..how to get it..where to get it etc.

You can not give her money because you will only be contributing to it.. if she needs food etc..that is what I would give her..i quit giving my son money once i learned of his addiction..of course due to his imprisonment he has been off of the drugs for approx 7 mos atleast and 11 mos upon his release...he is thinking with a clearer mind and feels better physically but I don't know if he would have had the will power to do it before even though he really wanted to stop.

Addiction is horrible for everyone involved..my son now see's how much his family loves him and he has a great girlfriend...he has a lot of his mind now..trying to figure out what to do once he is out..hopefully he will be able to find employment but we live in such a small town..and of course no one forgets anything..but it happens all the time here so isn't anything new and people have done a lot worse than he has.

I hope she gets the help she needs before it is too late...and there is not a bigger worry than what your going through...people just think an addict can stop so easily but it is not easy..keep loving her and supporting her in anyway you can and hopefully she will seek the help she needs..something just needs to click for her and soon.

Patty so glad your family member has turned his life around and is doing good..gives us hope when we hear these stories....hugs.

I'm having a really rough time. I hate my sister for all she has done to her 2 kids and our family. I just heard from my nephew in Afghanastan and how upset he was with his mom, my sister. This is the sister I told off for abandoning both him and my niece. The two poor kids were given a lously shot in life with her as a mom. I can't bare to here or know how she continues to leave these 2 kids in the dust. Me, my husband and my father have been the only parent figures to these kids. I'm so hurt. Right now, I'm really fragile and my sister has caused alot of pain and anguish to my already broken family. Loosing my mother still hurts and to see my sister be this way makes me sick. I'm not doing well at all. I don't know if I can help anyone on MDJ right now. Sorry for being a downer. I can do nothing but cry. Rachele

It is ok Rache....i don't think anyone is having a good day today...just hang in there and do what you need to do to pass the time...tomorrow is another day...hugs marsha