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04/05/2012 07:35 AM

humor and laughs(page 48)

2steveb
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ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2012 EUROPE

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

A final thought -" Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC."

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04/17/2012 03:41 PM
2steveb
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well? you never know whats coming or when it will end but you sure can keep an eye on it (sos prints to small)

Untitled 1

Post edited by: 2steveb, at: 04/17/2012 03:41 PM

Post edited by: 2steveb, at: 04/17/2012 03:46 PM


04/21/2012 02:08 PM
2steveb
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whatever happened to sit down dinners????????

Post edited by: 2steveb, at: 04/21/2012 02:09 PM


04/27/2012 12:12 AM
2steveb
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wife of 50 years lays dying. She says to her husband " go down to the kitchen and on top of the cabinet over the stove is a shoe box bring it to me please. " he brings the box and she opens it. There are 2 eggs and 20,000 dollars. The old man asks what it means....she says well each time I was unfaithful to you I would put an egg in the box. " he says " after 50 years only 2 eggs? I can forgive that as I have not always been easy to live with." he says :"but what about the 20,000 dollars? She says " each time i had a dozen eggs I sold them....

04/27/2012 04:55 PM
jenn123
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04/28/2012 06:25 AM
2steveb
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OWWWWWWWW OW OW mortified doesthis call for revenge???????????? hahahahahahahaha

05/01/2012 04:16 AM
2steveb
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i know im dating myself lol, just found this amusing hope you do lol

Post edited by: 2steveb, at: 05/01/2012 04:16 AM


05/13/2012 04:38 AM
2steveb
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sorry i had toSmile

Post edited by: 2steveb, at: 05/13/2012 04:39 AM


05/23/2012 01:03 AM
2steveb
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needs must Smile

Post edited by: 2steveb, at: 05/23/2012 01:03 AM


06/05/2012 03:45 AM
2steveb
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ahh dinner is served tehe 0007055qVCq

Post edited by: 2steveb, at: 06/05/2012 03:46 AM

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