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05/14/2010 01:34 PM

Married w/ kids -- sorry long outpour

momof2girls
 
Posts: 291
Member

Hello,

I have posted on here a few times. Mostly just replying to posts. This really doesn't belong in healthy relationships but there isn't a marriage support group. I feeling pretty lost lately. My husband got caught having several innapropriate converstations with women online. He "apologizes" but the behavior always returns.

Over 5 yrs, 6 different times I have caught him. I kicked him out before he hurt himself. Let him back him because that's how I would have wanted to be treated. He had major surgery that took him out of work for 8 months. Finally he is back to work and "trying" to show me he cares. But I feel like it's too little too late. I want the words. I want to know why he has done what he did. He can't answer that - always "I don't know". His idea of trying is buying me a night gown or doing a load of laundry. I just need more.

I am in this no win spot now. I am so angry at what he has done. I don't think I can ever trust him again. I look at him and part of me still wonders if he could change. My head tells me that I am an idiot for even thinking that. I am in a war with my head and my heart and I am so lost.

We have kids. a 6-yr-old and a 3-yr-old. Not only do they adore their dad but I just can't afford to support them on my income alone. I am terrified that he will "run" like my dad did and not pay child support. He gets paid under the table so I would have no legal recourse should he play dirty. I feel so trapped. I guess there isn't really an answer to this post; I am just feeling so overwhelmed.

We are "suppose" to start marriage counseling in a month. I just don't see how a marriage counselor will help me believe in him again when he has betrayed me so many times. I went to individual counseling and she barraded me about how I need to leave him in the streets. Sometimes it just isn't that easy when kids are involved.

I ask myself if the money is the only thing keeping me with him. I honestly think if I hit the lottery tomorrow I would end it and hope that he remains in the kids lives. Sorry it was so long I have been holding this in for a while and just needed to get it out.

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05/15/2010 06:00 AM
ApRiLGeTsAngry77

Hi there. When you said inappropriate conversations are you talking about sexual conversations or was he actually having an emotinally relationship with females? I think it matters which kind of conversation he was having.

I can understand why you feel you can not trust him but it is important for you to want to forgive him.


05/17/2010 05:40 AM
momof2girls
 
Posts: 291
Member

Sexual converstations. I caught him before it excalated so who knows where it would have led. Honestly, I don't know if I want to forgive him. One of the women was my daughters "Team Mom" when she was playing football. Another woman was someone who would openly hit on him in front of me. I feel that he doesn't respect me or our relationship. Considering the number of times this has happened how can I trust that it won't happen again.
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