Healthy Relationships Online Support Group

As I have mentioned before, I went to a healthy relationship workshop about 2 weeks ago. I learned a technique called " Speaker/ listener"

Speaker Listener Techniques

Rules for the speaker

* Speak for yourself, don't misread

* Keep statements brief. Don't go on and on

* Stop to let the listener paraphrase

Rules for the listener

* Paraphrase what you hear

* Focus on the speakers message. Don't rebut

Rules for Both

* The speaker has the floor

* Speaker keeps the floor while the listener paraphrases

* Share the floor

I was given a small paper tile " floor" with these rules on it. When someone else talked, I would hand them the "floor."

I would love to hear if people try this and how it turned out.

April, funny you should post this today as last night I was trying to explain to my husband how it really hurts me when he doesn't listen or respond when I'm talking to him. I can be telling him (for example) how an apple fell off a tree and his response is why did you turn the water off. Seriously it is ridiculous, I can be telling him about my day and how I tackled a project and all I get back from him is "ok" and he goes back to watching tv. Drives me crazy. If I didn't ask him questions I don't think I would hear his voice again and if I ask him more than two questions he gets defensive and tells me to stop telling me what to do. His mind is always somewhere else and its becoming more and more difficult for me to open up to him because he's not listening or interested. But then the next day he will call from work and act like nothing is wrong and gets mad at me b/c I'm not all cheerful, etc. ughhhh

OMG sadmom that would drive me INSANE!!! Has he ever been evaulated for ADHD or anything? My goodness it is not fair to you for him not to listen to you? Has he always been like this or is it just something recent?

yeah that would annoy the crap out of me.

i'm looking for this... there was this card i got in a hospital once... it went something like...

"when you say.... i feel like...."

i can't remember, does anyone know what i'm talking about?

Yes, I know what you are talking about. I have heard that before. Have you used it before?

invaluable this ladys as all sucesful relationships are built on trust, if we dont take time out to speak our minds and listen to view points how can any couple move on in harmony??

Sadmom things in my home are very simular my dh mind never seems fully present.

Sounds like a very good seminar.

This should be standard with any kind of conversation. Too bad more people don't take heed. Great post

nice poast boadaciea, and nicer still to have you with us. In a sence ive found i have an advantage over /with this technique re relations which may be of use to you all??. because i have brain damage/epilepsy some times i dont hear/understand/realise ive been spoken to so if im a little confused about whats been said i will always reply, 'so is what your sayinying - - - - - ', or have i understood you correctly that you mean - - - - - . Its still fluent conversation rather than paraphrasing but it lets both parties know that attention and understanding has been taken?

what do you think??

ive had this challenge since i 1978/ wow 32 yrs, im getting older haha. The key secret to it is ALL people love to discuss there ideas both positive or negative because it gives them a ego boost. i mean that in a constructive way not derogatory. so once a person has finished speaking i encapsulate what i have understood and throw it back ie 'so what you mean is- - - - - ' so they know ive paid attention and i know ive understood them.

I have a habbit of rambling (part of my situation)so if i dont get the responce im after i will ask 'so what do you think' so then i know ive said what i needed to and i know they have understood me. if i dont get a responce i will ask 'what are your thoughts on it' these little one liners are so vital to ensure there has been no misunderstandings, the points have been made clear and it is all part of coherant conversation that flows.

so what do you think !!!!!!! (i often end my comments like that lol)