Gay & Lesbian Teens Online Support Group

I'm having a rough time right now, and I think having a friend or a girlfriend would help, but all my friends are straight and it's not the same. My family doesn't know I like girls, I'm kind of afraid to tell them.

I just feel like I can't talk about my sexuality with anyone and I'm feeling anxious and trapped. I just wish I knew somebody who gets me on that level. I just don't know how. Which is probably stupid, since I live in Toronto... but I really have no idea where to start.

The problem is, I rarely go out (which I want to change!) and so I need an explanation (even though I'm 20)as to where I'm going. I'm also very shy, so meeting people is hard enough as it is. I'm just a mess, I think.

Post edited by: blondstrom, at: 06/18/2012 07:51 PM

Hi! Do you know how to make friends? You're lucky you have straight friends, I don't even have that. I have friends my wife has but I've never really been able to make friends on my own.

Are you out to any of your friends at all? Are you completely okay and comfortable in your skin?

I met my wife at a friend's party, not at the bar. Bar people, in my personal experience, is not the best place to meet someone. Most of the time, it's just a pick-up place. Maybe some of your friends know people they would introduce you to?

Coming out is not easy and very personal. Don't be pressured to come out to everybody especially when your safety is at stake. But you might be surprise that you might have family and friends who are open-minded, totally accepting and will love you unconditionally. Or you might not.

Maybe going out to the bars will just help you come out of your shell and learn to talk to people, be social, but it's not easy to find love in the gay world as it is in the straight world. Keep your chin up. When the right person comes along, you will know!

I only have a few friends of my own, and mostly because they befriended me in school. Other than that, I'm friendly to people but I don't know how to make friends, either.

I wasn't fully thinking bars because, I'm assuming it's pretty much the same as a straight bar for relationship wise - you either know someone you're going with or, like you said, it's a pick up. It's not really what I'm looking for.

I just don't know how I would go about trying to find some friends I'm actually comfortable being with and talking to. I'm fairly comfortable with who I am now, but I still have so much anxiety that I wish I had someone I could confide in about it.

Not to mention it would get me out of the house a little more if I had someone to go out with, even if it wasn't a dating thing, just someone to hang out with. I have my sister's friends, but she's always there and I have my school friends and I'm only out to one of my friends and I don't want to bother her with my little crisis, you know?

As for coming out to family - I'm not worried they won't accept me, but I'm worried that they'll start thinking about me differently... because they already do.

Hmmm...life is a maze but it is funny how it all works out well in the end. I can't say I know everything about life or how to manage mine much less tell someone how to live theirs. I hope I can help you and I will try.

This is what I've learned. Relationships are hard to come by. And that includes making friends. If you have people in life that are your friends because they be-friended you, than at least, you still have friends. How you got them is not important. Enjoy your friendships and grow with these people who obviously thinks you are an awesome person worth investing time and friendship with. Appreciate that and treasure them.

Having friends and family that are supportive are wonderful support systems. Having a girlfriend is wonderful and certainly opens up a lot of good experiences. But life is not perfect. We don't always find ourselves where all the stars are aligned, we have supportive friends, family and a fantastic girlfriend to boot.

What we can do is learn to be comfortable in your skin. Learn to love yourself inside and out. Learn to love being with yourself instead of relying on other people. I'm not saying be a loner. I'm saying what you think about yourself and how you treat yourself is more significant than what other people think. Family or friend-wise. When you learn to love yourself completely and in a healthy manner, you will be surprised that you carry yourself different. And that is something other people see and they will be attracted to your self-confidence and your personality.

A relationship is meaningful and significant not the be all and end all of everything. The support of family and friends are meaningful and significant but they are not the be all and end all of everything either. You can choose to love yourself without all these things and be happy/content/at peace with life.

I understand not wanting to bother others with your stuff especially when you're not sure if they can help or would like to. Being gay doesn't make you as different as other people think. You're still the same awesome, wonderful, special, one-of-a-kind person, you're still the same person.

Don't be afraid to be who you are. Think with your heart but use your head. If you love and respect yourself, don't tolerate disrespect and abuse from others. When it comes to relationships, I've found that not looking for one is the best place to be in. Love is not easy to come by but when true love finds you, you will know and hopefully, you will be ready for it.

That's such great advice and so true.

Part of the problem is I've been lying about who I am since I was young and I'm not sure how I should act to be myself. I just know it's not what I'm doing now.

Relationship wise, I don't just mean a girlfriend. That would be awesome, but I'm looking for someone to relate to on this level to make myself feel more comfortable because even though I'm okay with my sexuality and I know I like girls... being at a place I'm comfortable with telling people or acting like myself is a different level. It'd be helpful to get a different perspective than "you should tell them because it will be okay" I know the world won't end if I tell my family I'm gay, but it's more complicated than that. I want to be comfortable enough when I tell them that I can be completely honest with them and not get too freaked out about it.

It's not just about telling them, either. I want to feel happy for once, have someone to relate to without lying to them or pretending, you know?

I understand. Maybe you should spend some quality time getting to know yourself and learning to feel comfortable in your own skin. I hope you see better days!

I'm in the same boat as you i realized i like girls and i'm ok with that but its hiding it from my family and friends and having no one to turn to for help or talk to. I'm slowing becoming comfortable in my own skin opening myself up but always end up chickening out due to hiding who i truly am for so long. It seems to get harder everyday lying to everyone around me and i just wish i had someone who is going through the same thing as me. So if you ever wanna talk i'm always available and maybe we can help each other out! =]

I think I've decided not to tell my family until I'm either fully ready or I'm seeing someone. It just doesn't make sense to tell them if I don't feel ready. I think going to college will help me a lot in finding myself and might possibly lead to a girlfriend?

I'm open to talking, twloha. Just message me if you need to, I'm sure we can help each other out. :0)

Has anyone checked out the "Born This Way Foundation" that Lady Gaga started? I think the url is http://bornthiswayfoundation.org/. I just visited the site and they have a lot of cool ideas and great plans to support the GLBT youth. Just FYI!