Gay and Lesbian Online Support Group

so you would say youre co-dependent?

I was in group therapy for co-dependancy when I was a teenager and it mostly revolved around my father drinking. About how I enabled him to be a drunk lunatic. It just pissed me off, as if anyhting I did would have made a difference. I had to keep his secrets, I had no choice. Is it also co-dependant to want to fix things? I think I need to fix things because I need to be needed. Is that how you feel bejeweled? Like if you aren't solving someone elses problems there is no use for you? I do that and I have found that I am really only avoiding my own problems. I am not spending enough time trying to fix myself. I think it's good to try and help other people but you MUST help yourself as well. If you are always helping someone else and you never stop to take care of yourself you will eventually fall apart.

Sunny

it becomes co-dependent when your life revolves around them and their problems. I agree that you need to think of you first.

There is nothing wrong with helping people but there is a line and once you pass it you become co-dependent.

Oh, I am most definately co-dependant!! In fact, that is a huge understatement. I have had a friend since I was 16. About 10 years ago, someone who happened to know both of us, asked how I was.....lol. I answered her and she said - ok great, now I know how SHE is - how are YOU? Whenever someone would ask me how I was doing, I would tell them all the things that she was doing. And to this day, she is careful if she tells me that she was talking to someone else, to tell me that the other person doesn't matter as much as me. LOL OMG I am so crazy. It has always been a problem. I have read several books lately on borderline. They say it is something that you outgrow over time as your relationships stablize. I am very different today then when I was in my teens and 20s but my self worth is definately wrapped up in being needed.

i see. i have dependent personality, i need someone who is co-dependent. any suggestions?

haha

kidding

LOL! That is the difficulty for me of finding someone new. I don't mix well with most people. From the time I was little my job was to take care of things. And I did it well. Now I tend to look for fixer upers. I pick them up, dust them off take care of them until they resent it and end up alone. I usually stand there in disbelief for a while. I just don't understand how I am not appreciated. But apparently people consider my care taking to be controlling. lol. What makes me really mad is that when it is working for them they have nothing bad to say. For instance, Katy would come home and say - I hate my job. And she would keep saying it and talk about how bad it was. So I would spend hours finding her a new one. Sending out her resume. She would go to the interview and get a new one. Usually around the one year mark - she would hate it again. So we would do it again. Then she would scream at me that I controlled her, that she didn't want the job ...blah blah. She doesn't look back on it and see it as me being helpful. That was me controlling her. How am I supposed to know that, if at the time she is miserable and all for it? She was irresponsible most of the time, and I tend to be more responsible. She wouldn't take care of things she should have, so I would do it. Sometimes it was because if I didn't, little things like the electric would be shut off. But that isn't me being helpful - that is me controlling everything.......

haha..

controlling. that my mom for ya.