Gastric Bypass Surgery Support Group

So my husband has been thinking of having this surgery for the past 3 years, and finally after the first of this year we started the 8 month process to have the surgery, well we finally got the call on Monday that my husbands insurance approved the surgery. anyhow one of the requirements (per the hospital) was to attend to pre-surgery support groups. What I notice at the second support group is that no one had any groups for spouses...

Now my husband has gone through a couple hernia surgeries and also had a severe infection in his back a few years ago that could have left him blind (I think out of both I was more worried about that than his surgeries) But now I beleive Im more worried about this surgery than he is. I need some reassurance from other spouses, what did you go through before and during the surgery. I know all of the outcome we pray will make him a healthier happier person and father but its the risk.

Im 31 and hes 35 and we have 4 children and 2 of those together. Im the stay at home mom and hes the breadwinner! I honestly am petrified also mainly becuase we have no support here where we live his family is 4 hours away and my family isnt really available.

Im worried about the recovery period, the mixed emotions ill have during mealtime when im eating something and he cant. and of course many other worries.

well looking forward to meeting other spouses and learning your stories. and any and all suggestions and tips are welcomed!

I'm not a spouse, but a patient. I didn't see any responses so I thought I'd share a few things with you.

The surgery is not that invasive. It's weird but I had it done laproscoptically. I was up and walking within hours. I took no pain meds. I was home within days and out shopping. I was back to work in two weeks. Now, that was a bit much for my system. I sit at a desk all day and a third week off would have been better.

As for food; I have NO issue eating with anyone else. They can eat all they want. My body will not tolerate a lot of food so I don't WANT it. I also don't crave anything I cannot have. The first few weeks aren't the most exciting meals. I was on liquids for two weeks prior to the surger and three weeks after. But the after was different. The "liquids" were yogurt, pudding, soup etc. After the three weeks I went to soft foods; eggs, cottage cheese etc. Then after three weeks of that I went to "everything" else. I eat the same foods as before, just a lot less. When I've eaten too much or too fast, I get sick. It's happened 2-3 times and I am miserable until my stomach catches up.

Any surgery is a scary thing; especially for the "other people" in our lives. We the patients are in a better place (I believe). I'm sure your husbands doctors will be checking EVERYTHING before it happens. Lord knows, I went for a million tests and every one of them lead to some "complication" to deal with. Yet, we did it and I sailed thru the surgery. My post op tests are fabulous in every catagory, except my diabetes which did not change at all.

Go to the support groups with your husband. There were all kinds of support people in my doctors support groups; parents, spouses, friends, etc.

Hope this all helps; stick with this group and you'll be supported well.

Thanks for your reply-my husband too will have it done laproscopolically. hopefully we will find out before tomorrow what day his surgery will be and then i guess we are scheduled to have a pre-nutrition appt that will give him the info on calorie intake and if he needs to start liquid diet beforehand. weve already started the protein drinks for him and trying out the almond milk. the other good thing is other than sleep apnea and some arthritis he doesnt have the pre-existing health problems many obese patients do and doesnt take meds on a regular basis.

we are also fortunate that he has a job (self employed insurance agent) that will allow him to take time off as needed and kind of go with the flow.

Btw how long was your surgery? and which surgery did you have? i believe my husband is havin the rou-n-y (sorry about the sp*)

Your husband is a very very lucky guy to have a spouse that is so involved and supportive. Spouses aren't always like that. I'm divorced with a 15 year old daughter that is also overweight. I'm really hoping that she will eat "with" me and exercise with me to help her out too. I read your other posts too and as far as holidays and family, he can only eat what he can and what he will tolerate. With you there to support him I'm sure he will make the right choices and do great. Best of luck to you both and please keep us posted on his success!

Kim

Hi- I am a patient and a spouse of a patient. I tell you my hubby absolutely drove me crazy before the surgery and after the surgery. He had the lap band and I have the gastro-bypass. He was on a liquid diet before the surgery. I felt bad eating meals when he could not eat. I left and ate in another room. Not saying to kick out your hubby from the dinner table with everyone. You may be surprise at what a person can tolerate when they have a goal set. My hubby still eats more than me and I buy foods that will be good for him to snack on. Look for high protein foods. I was very nervous for his procedure too. He has not had surgery before and he was terrified of my procedure. Men don't show what they feel. He was joking around before he went in and when he came out. I tell you it makes me very frustrated at times. He did not want to follow the rules and ends up being sick a lot. I learned quickly that he is not going to listen to me, that he needs to learn this on his own. Either way make sure you are close to a RR for he may need it in a very limited time to get there. I hope this helps and if you have questions feel free to PM me. Cappy

Thanks Cappymuir for the response. with his mom and sister having had the surgery he kinda knows what to do and what "NOT" to do... they had LOTS of problems with dumping... He says im actually more worried than he,... its "JUST A SURGERY" he says... but alot can happen, and this isnt like a hernia surgery which hes had before. he will be having the roun-y (sorry i know i really screwed that one) He keeps messing with me now saying your going to have STEAK... Hes having salmon lol... or you are eating that snack!!! he says he really doesnt care, hes not a big snacker or junk food eater to begin with in fact he does eat quite healthy.... he also said today oh what do you think im going to be an involent after the surgery, i said no but you are going to need some help!

I think it's very common for people to prepare for surgery in different ways, and of course, you are very right that males and females handle things differently. My dad, for example, he needed surgery on his ankle, and he was the same. He kept making jokes about him 'not making it through' and it was annoying. But it's the way he dealt with it.

He's right in that recovery time can be quick. I was in hospital Thursday at 6pm, surgery Friday afternoon, home Sunday. So, he won't probably be in long. However, not everyone is out that quick. It depends. If it all goes smooth, yes, if not, he will be in longer. It depends how he takes to surgery.

When he gets home, if he doesn't follow the advice, he will be sick, rather a lot. And I did that. I didn't think the advice applied to me, so I kept trying to beat it. And failed. He should have certain things before surgery, as he probably won't be able to have it after. I am 15 months post surgery, and still can't have red meat, fruit, fried foods etc. I would be in heaven if I had a small steak

My advice would be to totally change. Call his bluff in a way. Don't fuss or worry about his surgery anymore. If he mentions it, just say what he says. 'Oh, it's only surgery' and that's it, leave it. See what he says. It might be a good way for him to actually tell you how he really feels about it, you know? It might draw it out of him. Guys can be complex, they can be quite shy about talking about emotions and feelings, they see it as a sign of weakness.

Everyone here who knows me understands why I am so different

Anyway, try it. I think you will be pleased with how he responds

yea hes pretty cool about the surgery... and im the one thinking ok what happens if i bring up a will or this or that, and lord forbid something happens becuase we have NO health insurance since he resigned from his job hes recieving cobra but we couldnt keep the life insurance... He definatly knows about not being able to eat certain things, it was funny the other night he was like i just need ONE slice of pecan pie (of course it has like a whole bag of sugar in it and he knows hes not gonna be able to do sugar) so we go and get the two pack of Edwards Georgia Pecan Pie and yes he only had 1... it was kinda funny. I guess im also a little worried because we have no family support here... how am i going to manage 4 children and my husband who is going to need my help in some way or another...

What do u mean "no change in your Diabetes?"

@queen-which post are you referring to?