Friends & Family of Alcoholics Support Group

when i was in the hospital, i wrote my parents a letter. for the most part, my mom has backed off of me, but still wants me home all the time to keep up her spirits but i am tired of being that families clown. i been with tim for like two weeks now. anyway, in the letter, i told my dad if he started to drink again, i would not associate myself with him anymore. mom hid from me for weeks that he got arrested for drunk driving. i told my mom since i am not home to tell him i want no relationship with him till he gets it together for real. i asked her today if she told him and of course no she is protecting him. so i sent him a text saying, you are a lier told me you weren't drinking and that i wont talk to him while he is like this. you know what he compared himself to... Me he goes, just like you i have an illness. i get that but i am not like him, i dont do things to hurt the family, my issue is i care too much. i cried so bad, i dont wanna be a bad person and i dont think i am but my dad is and he and my mom say i am just like him when they are mad at me. i am proud i stuck to what i said and i am learning to be assertive with them. i cant live in this fake happy family i am 23 my feelings matter and always have. but why do i feel twelve again? and that i am bad for saying that to him. was i wrong to call him out?

ahem....yes, you have "issues" that you acknowledge and are WORKING ON!!! he is using his alcoholism as an EXCUSE. don't let him twist that back on you, jazz. it's one thing to have an illness and try to work on it and get treatment and help. but he isn't doing that. you did the right thing. hang in there toots!

You're doing good, Jazz. sasshley's right. We all have issues. But, some folks issues are way too much. I told my dad to back off a couple weeks ago. He'd hidden his drinking for years...very secretive guy. I guess I'd put it at the back of my mind. But when he started relying on me to take care of him, I told him only under certain conditions. Well, he's a liar, too, just like your dad. So, i'm not budging either. He came by my home yesterday. I happened to be sitting outside. He was teary eyed and promised me he'd quit drinking. But, really, it's more than that. The years of neglect, the years of abuse, the years of my struggle. He not only wasn't available but he was never even sympathetic. He never threw me a life line. I thought I'd waiver...I thought that when he came over needing help, I'd cave and give in. But, I'm not. I think it's because I'm so jaded!

Watch for the games, Jazz. I know my folks will do it all...berate me, ignore me, cry for me. But they won't do the one thing I need them to do. They won't be honest with me.

Walking is so tough but you're doing it, Jazz! You're doing it.

Post edited by: sharone, at: 09/17/2009 02:00 PM

Hi Jazz, you had your say, now just leave it alone. All they are doing is saying words. Words can only hurt you if you allow them to invade your being and continue to think, twist and analyze the words that were spoken.

I'm a firm believer in the Emperor’s New Clothes analogy, someone has to speak up and let the person know, Hey, you’re walking around without any clothes on, while everyone else is playing along with the game.

I'm glad you brought it to his attention. Unfortunately, don't expect drastic change any time too soon, but you can work on Jazz.

xoxoxox

JuJuZ

Thank goodness, JuJuZ, that's it. Thanks for putting it in a way that I could understand, too. It's not an easy process, Jazz, walking away. I feel like I'm on the edge of depression. JuJuZ right but it takes a lot to find that ability in yourself. Hang in there.

Sharon, as I said, words people speak, and past events only hurt when you think about them. Living in that place only serves to keep a person from growing and being happy. Stay in the here and now and you stay at peace.

I understood your words the first time I read them, JuJuZ. Repeating them doesn't make me want to respond to you any differently. The way I see it is we're ALL different ppl, with different numbers of issues to deal with. It takes some of us longer to be able to grasp that concept called mindfulness, even longer still for some of us to understand how to put it into action and still longer for mindfulness to become a way of life. I wouldn't know personally, but, would imagine that tolerance must be a factor for folks who successfully practice mindfulness. Wouldn't you agree?

i think jujuz was just reaffirming your statement sharone, not trying to contradict you.

I'm sure you mean well, Sasshley, and have no doubt that JuJuZ does also. I respect your interpretation, but, my interpretation was different. Only JuJuZ knows for sure what her meaning was because she was the one who posted the comment. I feel okay questioning comments online and comfortable with the outcome whether I was right or wrong. That's the beauty of having a voice, being able to use it when a question arises. Thanks, Sasshley. There's no hard feelings...written communications sometimes require further explanation.

Hey Sharon, sorry I guess I repeat myself too much. Ashley was correct, I was just reaffirming.

JuJuZ