Hey,
I am 18 years old and have been officially diagnosed with fibro for a little over 2 years.... but I've had the pain aspect of it ever since I could remember. I was always told it was just growing pains, or people thought I just wanted attention, especially since one day my right ankle would hurt and then the next day it was my left etc.
It wasn't until I was 13 that they really clued into the fact that there might actually be something wrong with me when randomly one day I got back spasms so bad, I couldn't move at all. It went on for weeks like that, where I couldn't move no mater what I did. We went to emerge, and they did test, etc. all negative. As far as anyone knew, I was perfectly fine.
We started seeing doctors galore, massage therapist(the only thing that has helped so far), acupuncturists, chiropractors, physiotherapists, the list goes on and on. After a couple weeks, my pain in my back went down a little so that I could start to move a bit again, but it continued, and has never fully stopped. Then, one by one, other parts of my body joined in, being so bad that I couldn't use them at all, and slowly, becoming manageable, but still very painful.
My days were torture. I couldn't get up in the morning, I was sore all day, couldn't write at school, couldn't stay still that long but it hurt to move. It was horrible. I tried talking to my teachers, but there is only so much that they can do, and I talked to special ed, to see if they could help me, but I was "too smart" so I couldn't do that. I missed so much school from pain, and specialist appointments......And everytime I missed school it would be worse, more work, more stress, more frustration.
The doctors appointments ranged from people telling me it was all in my head, to telling me I would probably have to have surgery that there was a 50/50 chance that I would survive, to telling me I had brain cancer, and how i souldn't have any pain killers because this would trigger the cancer and cause my brain to explode. I don't know about you, but I didn't like this type of information, and began to dread going to the doctor, having them poke my tender spots, and tell me these things. It was a little traumatic.
Finally, after 3 years of that, I found a diagnoses. Great! I thought. It's over! I can do something now I know what it is! But it didn't work like that. I have been trying for over 2 years now, researching so much, and doing everything people suggest, I have had almost no progress. It seems like every month I add another problem to my list, and have to deal with that.
I'm having bad day today, my depression and fatigue is falling thick, and I have been going in and out of tears all day. I just really needed to connect with others like me out there. I'm sure you understand what I mean. I'm just feeling so helpless and hopeless. I feel like a complete failure. I have finally finished high school, but I can barely work, and can't go to university or college, and I can't do anything that I wanted to do. I feel like I have no future. I can't even do the simplest things! It's just so frustrating. How am I to pay the bills when I can't work half the time? And worst of all, I just keep thinking, I've got a whole life a head of me like this. I will be like this till I die, and thats most likely not for another 60-70 odd years....
What a life to look forward to......
Post edited by: Maeve, at: 12/15/2009 01:04 PM
"When I first came to MDJ, I was in need of peer support in dealing with issues of my childhood abuse. I was moving away from the painful issues and trying to find an uplifting group of people to help me transition to a thriver in my life. I found that here. I also found a group of peers with Fibromyalgia and found the same uplifting experience there. My computer crashed and it was a while before I found my way back, this time with issues related to Parkinson's Disease. I had tried a few other support sites before reminding myself of MDJ. On those, I never got a reply. I finally found my way back here and again found very supportive, caring and inspiring people who made me feel like I was 'back home'. Indeed I am." (ThereseML)
