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03/04/2013 07:05 AM

Relationship issues and Fibromyalgia.

Kerry
Kerry  
Posts: 45
Member

I've just returned from visiting family and I need to share the pain I feel from my son's attitude towards the Fibro. He bought up my health situation in the course of the conversation and then proceeded to attack me verbally for the fact that I'm ill. I understand that he may feel helpless and frustrated - I believe he also may have been coming from a place of limited knowledge about Fibromyalgia. I did my best to explain some things to him but I also found I was having to defend myself against what was a bit of an onslaught. This was all taking place in front of other family members and I felt a little like I was being put on trial!

He suffers with an underactive thyroid and before they got his meds sorted he too was quite unwell. He kept comparing me to himself and how he has overcome his sickness through diet, exercise and a positive mindset - all things I too am applying to my situation. I'm currently in the process of adapting and adjusting to this health challenge, I was diagnosed in September last year and I'm coping with all the feelings of loss that long term sickness brings. Having said that I am gaining strength and on the whole I'm keeping focused on the positives and not allowing this condition to rob me of joy.

However,for the first time in ages I came home and cried. I felt exposed and vulnerable and angry! Angry at myself for feeling that I had to defend and justify my situation and angry at him for his insensitivity. I believe I did my best at handling this episode and I'm sure I will learn from it for dealing with similar scenarios that may arise in the future. Having said that it did hurt and I need to acknowledge what I'm feeling. I sensed towards the end of the conversation I had with him that he understood a little better and he softened his attitude so I'm sure my attempts to respond weren't wasted.

I feel better for getting this written down as it enables me to look at things more objectively and clearly, instead of just seeing things through a red mist! I guess it's just another hurdle I've faced in the daily challenges we all face on this journey!

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03/04/2013 07:31 AM
Clarita
Clarita  
Posts: 13055
Group Leader

Kerry, Heart feels for you right here right now tremendously so, truly! Know what it is like to have to defend self to family members many times over- yes , it is like being on trial- so can identify with you massively! Thank goodness you felt that your son was softening towards you by the end of the conversation so hopefully soon he will have an eureka moment in the very near future!! It is really hurtful when it is someone close like a family member, absolutely! Sometimes it takes a long time before they come around to the truth yet there are times when eyes never seem to be opened plus hearts closed off to the challenges you face- it is deeply frustrating as well as painful. Yet, sometimes miracles can happen when you least expect them- hearts can mellow and eureka moments can happen. Other times you have to distance your self from certain family members so to protect your emotions, too. Yet never every let anyone tear you down- whomever they be- make you feel like you are less that You or that you have to justify you , okay, as you deserve far better!!

Thank goodness you came here to us. So good you put your emotions all down- vented them out- it really is healthy to do so!

Kerry- You are doing a good job of coping with Fibromyalgia.

You are amazing- not many people have such a dynamic survivor like attitude.

Pat your good self on the back for all your achievements plus give your fine self credit where credit is due, okay!

Let the tears flow as they are healing!

Absolutely you need to acknowledge what you are feeling! You are free to do so here, too!

Have you anyone to be your advocate? Have my hubby as my advocate- he defends me when anyone judges me or says cruel words to me as they just do not get how the fibro affects me- they do not always change their thinking or feeling towards me yet having hubby there to back me up sure makes me feel stronger!!

Do something to pamper you right now, too!! Do something to give you a boost. Treat yourself to something really lovely!

Am rooting mightily for you plus am here for you totally, right!

Take most excellent care of you!

Super gentle hugs, Clarita


03/04/2013 10:04 AM
SisterAwake
SisterAwake  
Posts: 2392
Group Leader

Hi Kerry,

Sorry to hear of the unpleasant conversation you had to endure. All of us with Fibro have been in that situation many times. I have found that some people decide to attack and label us due to he fact that they simply do not understand. Fibro isn't talked about as much as other illnesses. Also because we look perfectly fine on the outside it is hard for others to grasp the fact that we really are sick. One of the most painful comments for me are when people say I need to eat better and exercise. I tell them to come take a look in my fridge, they will find nothing but fresh fruit and vegetables, lean chicken, eggs, yogurt, etc. I use a juicer daily. I own a treadmill. I do live a healthy life but it's not a cure. If it were we wouldn't be sick! Ignorance from others is the most painful. They refuse to see how hard we work.

My ex husband and his family were the worst at this. They all turned on me eventually. I didn't realize just how sick I was while they were a part of my life! The stress really wore me down. Things have changed so much since my marriage ended and I met the man I'm truly meant to be with.

I agree with everything Clarita has said. It's great that your sun seems to be softening. I hope this will continue. Very happy you decided to co,e here and share with us. It's always good to let the feelings out rather than keeping them bottled up inside. Wonderful that you are facing it head on! You made them the right decision by standing up for yourself. I know how stressful it must have been as well. I hate being the centre of attention like that. Kudos to you for taking on a survivor attitude!

We're all here for you!


03/05/2013 05:39 AM
Kerry
Kerry  
Posts: 45
Member

Thank you so much to Clarita and SisterAwake for your loving support and empathy - I really felt cradled and comforted after reading your responses to my post. I cried heaps and heaps yesterday. Once I started I couldn't stop - I believe this was a good thing. To be honest I've cried little over this illness and the havoc it has caused and I finally let the tears flow right up to bedtime. I awoke this morning feeling like I had been run over by a bus but I feel as if there is a peace coming into my heart. I shared how I felt about the affects of the Fibro and CFS with my Hubby last night, I really let it all out with no holds barred. From his response I know he's really on my side and rooting for me and thats such a blessing! It is so good to be able to come on here to share with you all just how I am feeling and to experience the comfort from knowing that you have all trod the path that I'm on and found amazing ways to cope with the huge challenges that we face.

Love, hugs and heaps of blessings to you. xxx


03/05/2013 09:46 AM
Clarita
Clarita  
Posts: 13055
Group Leader

Kerry, Really encouraging to hear that your hubby is truly on your side rooting for You plus excellent that you have had a really good open sharing session together!

Always good to let the emotions flow instead of bottling them up. Sounds like the tears have produced your own rainbow, too.

We are always here for You, anytime. Happy to help in any way we possibly can.

Take most excellent care of You. Warmest wishes to You plus to your soul mate hubby.

Sending much fibromite love your way , hugs Clarita Smile


03/05/2013 11:53 AM
SisterAwake
SisterAwake  
Posts: 2392
Group Leader

Hi Kerry Smile

So happy to hear that your husband is supportive and rooting for you! It really is a blessing when our spouses are by our sides supporting us. A feeling that I never knew while I was married but am very blessed now that I have Daniel. I wasn't nervous at all when I met him, the only nervousness I had was how would he end up reacting over time to my fibro. He really jumped in with both feet right from the start. I know it took him a little while to fully understand how it works but he was, and still is, incredibly patient with me. Always tells me he loves me and will do whatever needs to be done to help me. Having a supportive spouse makes the journey a lot less scary. Very happy you have a wonderful husband! Smile

Hearing you speak of peace even though you woke feeling like a bus has hit you....it's very inspirational to see. Seems to me that you have a very positive outlook. Peace does come despite the pain. Accepting the illness and things we cannot change goes a long way. It takes time but you will learn how to live in harmony with fibromyalgia.

Big hugs to you!

~Bekah

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