I don't accept change well and finally after 4 years I slowly but surely am saying "It is what it is". But like I mentioned above even being off work, having less stress and more time to rest BOTHERS ME- my husband isn't upset about it WHY AM I? Other than I always worked and was independent and now that I don't- why can't I just accept this?

I would have never gotten on this forum if I was working.. it has been a good thing- people have been helping me and I have been helping others WHY CAN'T THAT BE ENOUGH?

I'm really struggling with this guys. Outside of the fact I'm not making my own money and- well- I've been ebaying a little more than I should have- money-wise right now things are ok.

I'm not bragging or anything it is just we live in my house which has a very low mortgage and my husband and I can live off his income. WHY CAN'T I ADJUST TO THIS?

And I've always felt that I'm not good enough...for anything! So now I'm job hunting...and the depression is really bad!! Most jobs that I've come across, I can fill out something, sitting right here!! And it fell as though I'm not doing anything about it! I do feel lazy! For instance, I'm getting desperate! So there is a "chain" that I would like to work for, but you have to sit in an isle, in the store to fill out an application. I can just see me...cheat sheet, resume, list of references, my purse... geez, all of that falling all over the floor!!! So I check on line. I can do that sitting, right here. Okay now I can't even tell you, without looking, how many resumes I have sent, sitting right here.

Okay now so NO ONE is calling me!!!! The depression gets worse, the pain gets worse! It's on my mind, I have problems sleeping, the pain gets worse.

I'm so sorry if I rambled too much, but I'm just hoping I'm not alone at not being a perfectionist! Please, someone else say they are more this way...

Cindy.

Your not alone. You do feel LAZY. But it's this overwhelming exhaustion, like to do anything is work...brushing my teeth, washing my face, taking a shower..those are my JOBS!!! Am I or have been a perfectionist, maybe, I liked certain things to be done a certain way, however, my hubby has been taking over some of the chores (FEEL GULITY) and since he doesn't do things my way I bit my tongue. I've had to accept that he does things differently, however, he's doing them for me, so no way will I complain!!!!

Does he do them well.....uh, no!! But I don't have the strength to do them well either, so what's the difference? I'm just thankful he's stuck it out with me without complaining!!

I think that we'll all struggle with feeling less then adequate, how can we not?

Well, there's my bit of sharing folks!

Spruce

It seems like MOST (not all) have the same issues.

Anymore...I dont sweat the small stuff, who cares if my house isnt perfect, or I can't get sometime done right away.

I'm the BOSS of me...and If I don't want to make my bed...I don't.

Now that you say that...I remember taking my mother to a funeral, I was just 16, she doesn't drive. There were two cute little ladies behind us talking about how "Martha" ALWAYS kept her house so clean! Well this was eating away at mom!! When we got outsider, she grabbed a hold of my arm and said "people are NOT going to be able to say THAT about me! They are going to remember better things than that about me when I die!" I mean she was riled!!! Maybe that stuck in my head!!!

Now that's my story, and I'm sticking to it!!! lol!!

Cindy

That as a good little story!!

I mean who wants to remembered by how clean our house is?? (well, maybe a little LOL) It would be far better to be remembered for our great personailities and how kind, caring and unselfish we were. Or what great lovers we are.....ok, ok, that's tooo much info

! You guys got the idea!

Spruce

P.S. Great sense of humor and how silly we are ! That's what I want..

Karen