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My mom is one of the strongest people that I know. She always has been. In many ways I guess she has had to be strong. She is the oldest of ten children. As was the case for a lot of people, in huge families, back in the 1950’s her family was poor. She can remember winters with no heat. It would get so cold inside the house that the water in the toilet tank would freeze. It’s truly amazing, in my opinion, that all ten children survived to adulthood. My mom was working inside home long before she was old enough to get a job outside the home. With so many siblings there was always somebody that needed to be fed, bathed, diapered or cuddled. As the oldest, many of those responsibilities (especially for the older children) fell to her. The fun really began when several children reached an age of mental maturity sufficient enough to plan practical jokes and physical maturity sufficient enough to actually carry out what had been planned. Next, she went on to start her own household and family. I was born when she was twenty years old. My sister came along ten months later, a full two months early, and she’s been impatient ever since. If my sister just hung out a while longer the three of us (my mom, I and my sister) would have birthdays in the same month. My mom still had to work hard. She didn’t finish high school so job choices were limited. She waitressed and cleaned and whatever she had to do to help provide for us. When my sister and I were older one of mom’s sisters came to live with us. Mom was able to go back to school. She worked during the day and attended night classes. First she earned her GED. Then she expanded into business courses. She was working for a local company, on the assembly line. Her growing knowledge of the company combined with the furthering of her education resulted in advancement opportunities. By the time she left the company, after 25 years of service, she had advanced all the way into a cost accounting position. My mom’s health issues become continuous and unrelenting during this time. The final outcome was medical retirement and she is now completely disabled. I have witnessed major declines in her ability to perform daily activities. Her stunning, clear blue eyes once continuously sparkled with humor, amusement and vitality. Due to the fatigue and constant pain I don’t see that spark as often now, but I am always on the look out for it. Quick witted come-backs were her trademark. Now, the fibro fog gets so thick she often has to search for just the right word…even if the word is one she uses all the time such as pencil, dog or child. She possessed a natural athletic ability and once played on a work softball league. My sister and I, when it was mom’s turn to bat, would stand behind the home-plate fence and chant, “C’mon Momma, you can do it! Put a little power to it!” or “Two, Four, Six, Eight…who do we appreciate?? Momma, Momma!” Now there are days when she takes one of her grandchildren by the hand and struggles to walk around the front yard. We have family members who don’t understand fibromyalgia. They really don’t understand what it means to have a combination of fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis, degenerative disc disease plus other physical ailments. For the life of them they can’t seem to comprehend why my mom has bad days! They can’t wrap their minds around why my mom can’t make plans too far in advance. They have no clue as to why she can have a pretty good morning and bottom out in the afternoon. When she has to get completely dressed, including make-up, to go out somewhere they conclude, “Well, she looks good. She has to be feeling good.” That is like saying: *”I know you have cancer, but you look good…so you must be feeling good.” WRONG!! It really bothers me when people make blanket assumptions without taking the time to find out the facts. Someone being ignorant of the effects or fibro, RA, DDD, etc. doesn’t really bother me. That simply means there is something that person doesn’t know. I’m more than happy to explain. After they have gained the knowledge and still don’t accept it….well, that’s no longer ignorance. In my mind that is stupidity and selfishness. When it comes to my mom…I don’t have time, or a lot of patience, for either one. My time is better spent trying to figure out how to make her daily life easier…both now and down the road of disease progression. Really, if anyone who has known her for any length of time at all will just think back over the years they can’t help but see a drastic difference. That realization should lead one to think, “I wonder what is going on?” That question should lead to them genuinely seeking information regarding: how does this/these disease(s) start? How do they progress? How do they affect one’s day to day life? What can I do to help? For those of you who are struggling alone without the support of any close family or friends…I am so sorry. I apologize for your loved one’s ignorance. Send me a PM and I’ll reply with my email address. Have them to contact me and I’ll do my best to explain this illness to them in a way that they can understand. Please know I support you in your exploration and implementation of treatment options. Now, if your loved one just acting stupid I don’t reckon there’s too much I can do about that…LOL! But, I’m willing to try I’m sending HUGE HUGS to all of you!! |
:KISS
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