I married the most wonderful man on the face of the earth (would marry him again in a heart beat). He has three wonderful children (all grown...well..teens and twenty somethings) When the youngest child was one, he had a vasectomy...so...children of my own were out of the question. I thought I was okay with it. In December of last year, I had to have a complete hysterectomy...they pretty much gutted me. I guess I wasn't so okay with it. Had some pretty nasty depression soon after. Now, I get kicked in the face once more. Everyone I know around me is having a baby. I want to be happy for them...but am having a very hard time hiding my sadness for me. I have always wanted children...ALWAYS! I've been dreaming of having a baby my whole life...and I've been screwed.

All this inner termoil is wreaking havok with my FMS. I'm always tight...which makes me more sore. Doesn't help the depression I'm already going through...I just don't know how to get past this. I've tried therapy and it's a joke. I'm already on anti-depressants...I just don't know what to do anymore. It all makes me wonder what I've done wrong in my life..like I'm being punished. I don't know... I just don't know...

Bea