LIVING WITH FM

I’m not normal, I’d think in my head,

I used to think; I’d be better off dead.

My life has been taken, away from me,

It’s so unfair, no reason that I can see.

I’ve been a good person, all of my life,

I feel I’ve been stabbed, with a sharp knife.

I’d shout and scream, then cry some more,

Hands over face, in a ball on the floor.

All of this aching, all of these harsh pains,

Pulled muscles, lots of strains and sprains.

My joints are stiff, and unbearable to use,

Someone touches me, I go blotchy and bruise.

My shoulders hurt, can’t raise them in the air,

They're so sensitive, someone’s touch I can’t bear.

I struggle to walk, as my legs are giving way,

Tingling and burning, shooting pains when I lay.

Swollen hands and fingers, cramp and they lock,

The constant sharp pain, I always try to block.

Tired and worn out, my feet sink in the ground,

My body’s a struggle, for me to drag around.

Headaches and Migraines, are not of a few,

Poor concentration, and a bad memory too.

People haven’t heard, of what I have got,

Vacant expressions, they’re like er… What?

This is what I hate, when I have to explain,

`Cos I get so upset, when I talk of the pain.

No idea they have, because I look so well,

What my life is like, it can be a living hell.

Thing after thing, I am not able to do,

Working and driving, are sometimes just of a few.

Learning to accept, to cope and to face,

My life as it is now, at it’s own slow pace.

~Anonymous~

WHEN YOU SEE ME

by Mary Hastings

written May 2003

When you see me on a "good day"

I may look as if nothing’s wrong,

But I, myself, am very aware

That the energy won’t last long.

You may think that I am lazy,

Or I just don’t like to try,

Or maybe I am just depressed,

When sometimes you see me cry.

You may not understand me,

It’s not easy to explain,

The struggles that I so often endure,

As I live each day in pain.

People may offer their opinions,

Thinking that I just need some advice,

Yet they don’t really comprehend,

Although they are trying to be nice.

What for some may be so easy,

Is almost impossible to me,

But because I may look healthy,

Many around me fail to see.

Perhaps it seems that I’m sloppy,

If I would only take more pride,

It’s sad that many don’t stop to see,

The person who is inside.

Planning things is so hard to do,

With each day uncertain fate,

The best that I can do is try,

And oftentimes I have to wait.

Life can be so stressful,

Even when you have your health,

Many people cannot even imagine,

Giving up their dreams and wealth.

While some people may worry,

How to fit everything into each day,

Others of us must struggle,

To even find a way.

So often misunderstood,

Some say that is must be "in my head,"

Yet there are days that it takes all I have

To even get out of bed.

You’d think that if one is weary,

Then why not just take a nap,

But the fatigue at times is so severe,

That nothing seems to help.

If exercise were the answer,

I would just move into a gym,

But intolerance and unbearable pain

Makes it difficult to stay trim.

That’s alright just take a pill--

Medications can always do some good,

However, sometimes the effects are far worse,

Oh, but how wonderful it would be if I could!

Living each day fighting defeat,

Knowing that you can’t give up and quit,

Even though it gets hard to do,

Find ways of accepting it.

I guess it would be a better thing,

If there were a little more support,

Everyone longs for acceptance and love,

As they keep their life in sort.

If I could make the world aware,

Help them to see things in a new light,

Be careful on what they base their view,

That they may receive a new insight.

Then maybe when someone else comes along,

Who is going through something unknown,

They may not feel so hopeless and scared,

And will know that they’re not alone.

Whether it be a terminal thing,

Or something chronic with no known cure,

There are many processes that will be faced

In this we can rest assured.

The grieving over loss is hard,

Whatever the loss may be.

What may be just a bump for you,

Could seem like a mountain to me.

Everyone responds so differently,

We all have our own ways to cope,

But the one thing that we must never do,

Is believe that there’s no hope.